they so badly want them back together.
MJ: Absolutely, or else theyâd be funky and old now and you wouldnât care.
SB: So is that an argument, Michael, for you to say one day, âThatâs it,â and quit?
MJ: Yeah, I would like some kind of way to disappear where people donât see me anymore at some point, and just do my things for
children but not be visual. To disappear is very important. We are people of change. We need change in our lives. Thatâs why we have winter, spring, summer, fall.
Here, I started to get worried about what Michael meant by âdisappear.â Itâs one thing to leave show business. Itâs another to harbor a death wish. So I said. . .
SB: Okay, but you want a long life and a healthy life. You donât want to disappear like, God forbid, the way some of these stars have disappeared, the way Marilyn Monroe has. You donât want to die young?
MJ: Um, youâre asking me an interesting question. You sure you want my answer?
SB: I do.
MJ: Okay, Iâll give you my honest answer. Okay, um. My greatest dream that I have leftâI have accomplished my dreams with music and all that and I love music and entertainmentâis this childrenâs initiative, is this thing that we are doing. But, um, âcause I donât care about [anything else], I really donât, I donât care about [career], I honestly donât Shmuley. What keeps me going is children, or else I would, I would seriously. . . Iâve told you this before, I swear to God I mean every word. I would, I would just throw in the towel if it wasnât for children or babies. And thatâs my real, my honest [answer]. . . and Iâve said it before, if it werenât for children, I would choose death. I mean it with all my heart.
And his voice had the ring of truth. His comments were alarming in the extreme. Did Michael just tell me he would choose death? I couldnât believe it. So I asked him to clarify.
SB: Choose death the way Marilyn Monroe chose death?
MJ: Some kind of way. I would find a way to go away off the planet âcause I wouldnât care about living anymore. Iâm living for these babies and children.
SB: You see them as really a part, a spark of God here on earth?
MJ: I swear they are.
SB: So for you itâs the most spiritual thing in the world?
MJ: There is nothing more pure and spiritual to me than children and I cannot live without them. If you told me right now, âMichael, you can never see another child,â I would kill myself. I swear to you I would because I have nothing else to live for. Thatâs it. Honestly.
I was startled and shaken. I had to bring him back to his senses, so I said. . .
SB: So do you want to have a long life?
MJ: Let me take back that word swear, âcause I donât swear to God. I take that back. I donât want to use that word. Say this question again?
SB: You said you want to disappear. Do you think itâs important to disappear?
MJ: I donât want a long [life]. . . I donât like, I donât, I donât. I think growing old is the ugliest, the most, the ugliest thing. When the body breaks down and you start to wrinkle, I think itâs so bad. I donât, thatâs something I donât understand, Shmuley. And I never want to look in the mirror and see that. I donât understand it. I really donât. And people say that growing old is beautiful and itâs this and that. I disagree. I totally do.
SB: So you would die before that happens?
MJ: Um. . . I donât want to grow old. I would like to get. . .
I know that I shouldnât have been cutting Michael off in the midst of such a seminal subject, but his hinting at suicide was extremely troubling, and I felt the immediate need to inspire him to choose life. So I said. . .
SB: What if you could stay young in spirit Michael?
MJ: Yeah, thatâs important to me.
SB: You may have wrinkles, but
MJ: Absolutely, or else theyâd be funky and old now and you wouldnât care.
SB: So is that an argument, Michael, for you to say one day, âThatâs it,â and quit?
MJ: Yeah, I would like some kind of way to disappear where people donât see me anymore at some point, and just do my things for
children but not be visual. To disappear is very important. We are people of change. We need change in our lives. Thatâs why we have winter, spring, summer, fall.
Here, I started to get worried about what Michael meant by âdisappear.â Itâs one thing to leave show business. Itâs another to harbor a death wish. So I said. . .
SB: Okay, but you want a long life and a healthy life. You donât want to disappear like, God forbid, the way some of these stars have disappeared, the way Marilyn Monroe has. You donât want to die young?
MJ: Um, youâre asking me an interesting question. You sure you want my answer?
SB: I do.
MJ: Okay, Iâll give you my honest answer. Okay, um. My greatest dream that I have leftâI have accomplished my dreams with music and all that and I love music and entertainmentâis this childrenâs initiative, is this thing that we are doing. But, um, âcause I donât care about [anything else], I really donât, I donât care about [career], I honestly donât Shmuley. What keeps me going is children, or else I would, I would seriously. . . Iâve told you this before, I swear to God I mean every word. I would, I would just throw in the towel if it wasnât for children or babies. And thatâs my real, my honest [answer]. . . and Iâve said it before, if it werenât for children, I would choose death. I mean it with all my heart.
And his voice had the ring of truth. His comments were alarming in the extreme. Did Michael just tell me he would choose death? I couldnât believe it. So I asked him to clarify.
SB: Choose death the way Marilyn Monroe chose death?
MJ: Some kind of way. I would find a way to go away off the planet âcause I wouldnât care about living anymore. Iâm living for these babies and children.
SB: You see them as really a part, a spark of God here on earth?
MJ: I swear they are.
SB: So for you itâs the most spiritual thing in the world?
MJ: There is nothing more pure and spiritual to me than children and I cannot live without them. If you told me right now, âMichael, you can never see another child,â I would kill myself. I swear to you I would because I have nothing else to live for. Thatâs it. Honestly.
I was startled and shaken. I had to bring him back to his senses, so I said. . .
SB: So do you want to have a long life?
MJ: Let me take back that word swear, âcause I donât swear to God. I take that back. I donât want to use that word. Say this question again?
SB: You said you want to disappear. Do you think itâs important to disappear?
MJ: I donât want a long [life]. . . I donât like, I donât, I donât. I think growing old is the ugliest, the most, the ugliest thing. When the body breaks down and you start to wrinkle, I think itâs so bad. I donât, thatâs something I donât understand, Shmuley. And I never want to look in the mirror and see that. I donât understand it. I really donât. And people say that growing old is beautiful and itâs this and that. I disagree. I totally do.
SB: So you would die before that happens?
MJ: Um. . . I donât want to grow old. I would like to get. . .
I know that I shouldnât have been cutting Michael off in the midst of such a seminal subject, but his hinting at suicide was extremely troubling, and I felt the immediate need to inspire him to choose life. So I said. . .
SB: What if you could stay young in spirit Michael?
MJ: Yeah, thatâs important to me.
SB: You may have wrinkles, but
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