is a great nuisance.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Which do you find it?
M RS . C HEVELEY . I? A combination of all three.
(Drops her fan.)
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(Picks up fan.)
Allow me!
M RS . C HEVELEY . Thanks.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . But you have not told me yet what makes you honour London so suddenly. Our season is almost over.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Oh! I don’t care about the London season! It is too matrimonial. People are either hunting for husbands, or hiding from them. I wanted to meet you. It is quite true. You know what a woman’s curiosity is. Almost as great as a man’s! I wanted immensely to meet you, and … to ask you to do something for me.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . I hope it is not a little thing, Mrs. Cheveley. I find that little things are so very difficult to do.
M RS . C HEVELEY .
(After a moment’s reflection.)
No, I don’t think it is quite a little thing.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . I am so glad. Do tell me what it is.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Later on.
(Rises.)
And now may I walk through your beautiful house? I hear your pictures are charming. Poor Baron Arnheim—you remember the Baron?—used to tell me you had some wonderful Corots.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(With an almost imperceptible start.)
Did you know Baron Arnheim well?
M RS . C HEVELEY .
(Smiling.)
Intimately. Did you?
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . At one time.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Wonderful man, wasn’t he?
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(After a pause.)
He was very remarkable, in many ways.
M RS . C HEVELEY . I often think it such a pity he never wrote his memoirs. They would have been most interesting.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Yes: he knew men and cities well, like the old Greek.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Without the dreadful disadvantage of having a Penelope waiting at home for him.
M ASON . Lord Goring.
(Enter Lord Goring. Thirty-four, but always says he is younger. A well-bred, expressionless face. He is clever, but would not like to be thought so. A flawless dandy, he would be annoyed if he were considered romantic. He plays with life, and is on perfectly good terms with the world. He is fond of being misunderstood. It gives him a post of vantage.)
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Good evening, my dear Arthur! Mrs. Cheveley, allow me to introduce to you Lord Goring, the idlest man in London.
M RS . C HEVELEY . I have met Lord Goring before.
L ORD G ORING .
(Bowing.)
I did not think you would remember me, Mrs. Cheveley.
M RS . C HEVELEY . My memory is under admirable control. And are you still a bachelor?
L ORD G ORING . I … believe so.
M RS . C HEVELEY . How very romantic!
L ORD G ORING . Oh! I am not at all romantic. I am not old enough. I leave romance to my seniors.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Lord Goring is the result of Boodle’s Club, Mrs. Cheveley.
M RS . C HEVELEY . He reflects every credit on the institution.
L ORD G ORING . May I ask are you staying in London long?
M RS . C HEVELEY . That depends partly on the weather, partly on the cooking, and partly on Sir Robert.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . You are not going to plunge us into a European war, I hope?
M RS . C HEVELEY . There is no danger, at present!
(She nods to Lord Goring, with a look of amusement in her eyes, and goes out with Sir Robert Chiltern. Lord Goring saunters over to Mabel Chiltern.)
M ABEL C HILTERN . You are very late!
L ORD G ORING . Have you missed me?
M ABEL C HILTERN . Awfully!
L ORD G ORING . Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed.
M ABEL C HILTERN . How very selfish of you!
L ORD G ORING . I am very selfish.
M ABEL C HILTERN . You are always telling me of your bad qualities, Lord Goring.
L ORD G ORING . I have only told you half of them as yet, Miss Mabel!
M ABEL C HILTERN . Are the others very bad?
L ORD G ORING . Quite dreadful! When I think of them at night I go to sleep at once.
M ABEL C HILTERN . Well, I delight in your bad qualities. I wouldn’t have you part with one of them.
L ORD G ORING . How very nice of
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Which do you find it?
M RS . C HEVELEY . I? A combination of all three.
(Drops her fan.)
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(Picks up fan.)
Allow me!
M RS . C HEVELEY . Thanks.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . But you have not told me yet what makes you honour London so suddenly. Our season is almost over.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Oh! I don’t care about the London season! It is too matrimonial. People are either hunting for husbands, or hiding from them. I wanted to meet you. It is quite true. You know what a woman’s curiosity is. Almost as great as a man’s! I wanted immensely to meet you, and … to ask you to do something for me.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . I hope it is not a little thing, Mrs. Cheveley. I find that little things are so very difficult to do.
M RS . C HEVELEY .
(After a moment’s reflection.)
No, I don’t think it is quite a little thing.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . I am so glad. Do tell me what it is.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Later on.
(Rises.)
And now may I walk through your beautiful house? I hear your pictures are charming. Poor Baron Arnheim—you remember the Baron?—used to tell me you had some wonderful Corots.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(With an almost imperceptible start.)
Did you know Baron Arnheim well?
M RS . C HEVELEY .
(Smiling.)
Intimately. Did you?
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . At one time.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Wonderful man, wasn’t he?
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN .
(After a pause.)
He was very remarkable, in many ways.
M RS . C HEVELEY . I often think it such a pity he never wrote his memoirs. They would have been most interesting.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Yes: he knew men and cities well, like the old Greek.
M RS . C HEVELEY . Without the dreadful disadvantage of having a Penelope waiting at home for him.
M ASON . Lord Goring.
(Enter Lord Goring. Thirty-four, but always says he is younger. A well-bred, expressionless face. He is clever, but would not like to be thought so. A flawless dandy, he would be annoyed if he were considered romantic. He plays with life, and is on perfectly good terms with the world. He is fond of being misunderstood. It gives him a post of vantage.)
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Good evening, my dear Arthur! Mrs. Cheveley, allow me to introduce to you Lord Goring, the idlest man in London.
M RS . C HEVELEY . I have met Lord Goring before.
L ORD G ORING .
(Bowing.)
I did not think you would remember me, Mrs. Cheveley.
M RS . C HEVELEY . My memory is under admirable control. And are you still a bachelor?
L ORD G ORING . I … believe so.
M RS . C HEVELEY . How very romantic!
L ORD G ORING . Oh! I am not at all romantic. I am not old enough. I leave romance to my seniors.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . Lord Goring is the result of Boodle’s Club, Mrs. Cheveley.
M RS . C HEVELEY . He reflects every credit on the institution.
L ORD G ORING . May I ask are you staying in London long?
M RS . C HEVELEY . That depends partly on the weather, partly on the cooking, and partly on Sir Robert.
S IR R OBERT C HILTERN . You are not going to plunge us into a European war, I hope?
M RS . C HEVELEY . There is no danger, at present!
(She nods to Lord Goring, with a look of amusement in her eyes, and goes out with Sir Robert Chiltern. Lord Goring saunters over to Mabel Chiltern.)
M ABEL C HILTERN . You are very late!
L ORD G ORING . Have you missed me?
M ABEL C HILTERN . Awfully!
L ORD G ORING . Then I am sorry I did not stay away longer. I like being missed.
M ABEL C HILTERN . How very selfish of you!
L ORD G ORING . I am very selfish.
M ABEL C HILTERN . You are always telling me of your bad qualities, Lord Goring.
L ORD G ORING . I have only told you half of them as yet, Miss Mabel!
M ABEL C HILTERN . Are the others very bad?
L ORD G ORING . Quite dreadful! When I think of them at night I go to sleep at once.
M ABEL C HILTERN . Well, I delight in your bad qualities. I wouldn’t have you part with one of them.
L ORD G ORING . How very nice of
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