THE HUSBAND HUNTERS by LUCY LAING

up. I almost wanted to tell Nick when he walked in later that afternoon about the prawns but I held off. He saw us as a bunch of mad old crones anyway, so this might be pushing it one step too far in his eyes.
    Rach told me that she’d already had a dress rehearsal. She’d borrowed a pair of old curtains from her mum and had spent the evening unpicking hems, sewing prawns in, and then sewing them back up. ‘I can do twenty prawns in thirty minutes,’ she told me, proudly. ‘I’m all set.’
     
    I could hardly wait for Rach’s phone call. She had promised me she would ring me as soon as she had left Mike’s house that evening. She only planned to be there an hour - half an hour to sew the prawns in before he got there, and then thirty minutes explaining why she never wanted to see his sorry ass ever again.
    On the dot of ten, my phone trilled. As soon as we’d decided on Prawn Revenge, Kaz had sent a Jaws ring tone to all our mobiles, so now whenever Rach phoned any of us, the Jaws theme tune would come belting out and make us laugh. It thudded across my living room and I leapt off the sofa to answer it. Rach was high with excitement. She’d done it. She’d let herself into Mike’s house half an hour early, dashed up to his bedroom and spent a frantic thirty minutes unpicking the hems of his curtains and sewing a whole bag of twenty-five prawns into the two curtains.
    She was almost choking with laughter.
    ‘I had to wash my hands about three times afterwards, as they stunk of prawns,’ she said. ‘Then I just had time to stuff the empty bag into my handbag when I heard his key in the lock.’
    ‘Was he surprised to see you already there?’ I asked, laughing.
    ‘Yes, but I told him that I’d got the time wrong and had let myself in,’ said Rach. ‘Men are so naive.’
    Rach then told Mike that she’d thought long and hard about getting back together, but she was worried that she couldn’t trust him again after what had happened with Sarah.
    ‘He whined that he had changed now and that he couldn’t live without me, but I stood firm,’ said Rach. ‘I gave it thirty minutes, then I walked out. I decided that he probably hadn’t got laid for the last fortnight and he had been getting desperate.’ I laughed.
    ‘That’s so true,’ I said. ‘Good for you, I’m proud of you. Now we’ll sit back and let the prawns do their job.’
     
    The girls were creased up with laughter at the next meeting a few days later, when all the sordid details of Prawn Revenge were revealed. Kaz choked so hard that her red wine came down her nose and we had to thump her on the back for a few minutes.
    ‘Can you imagine when those prawns start to smell in a few days’ time, he’ll be going crazy trying to find out why his bedroom stinks like that,’ said Tash. ‘I’d love to be a fly on his wall - or a prawn in his curtain, for that matter - watching all that go on.’
    ‘How can we find out if it’s been a success?’ asked Soph.
    ‘I’m still in touch with one of his friends’ girlfriends,’ said Rach. ‘She has promised to find out what happens.’
    We all congratulated Rach on her hardened approach to Mike.
    ‘It’s all too easy for women to fall back in with men because they think they can’t do any better, and that’s what this club is about,’ said Tash, firmly. ‘We only want the best husband material - no second rate stuff will do.’ We all cheered our approval at that one, apart from Rach, who wouldn’t quite meet our eyes.
    ‘What’s the matter?’ I asked her. Rach had been admirable in her change of attitude to Mike, but now she looked unsure.
    ‘Well, I’ve got something to tell you all, and I don’t know if you’re going to like it,’ she said, looking around nervously at us. We looked at her, slightly panic-stricken. Was Rach going to say she wanted out of the club - or that she was a lesbian? I noticed Tash taking a surreptitious look underneath the table to see if Rach was