The Grasshopper Trap by Patrick F. McManus

hunt. When the canary topples from its perch and strikes a bell, the alarm warns hunters that the air has become lethal. The canary can also be used to test individual hunters as they enter the shelter. Merely sweep the cage over the subject, much as you would use a Geiger counter in checking radiation levels. If the canary wobbles
on its perch, coughs, or chokes, the offending individual should be forced to sleep outside. Replacement canaries are available for $29.95.
    The Complete Float Tube —As you know, the standard float tube requires that you paddle it about with rubber flippers on your feet. The Complete Float Tube, however, is equipped with a one-horse outboard motor. But, you ask, won’t your feet get caught in the prop? After my product tester, Fred “Stubby” Phipps, complained about just that very problem, we enclosed the prop in a wire-mesh cage, which solved the difficulty. The CPT also comes with a sail. So far we have had only one opportunity to test the sail, and that was on Puget Sound during a nasty storm. The only problem we detected with the sail was that it hung up on the mast, preventing its being lowered. I will get that little bug worked out as soon as Stubby returns. He was last seen off the Aleutian Islands doing about twenty knots, which isn’t bad for a float tube.
    Sleeping-Bag Shucker —Every outdoorsman knows how difficult it is to shuck his companions out of their sleeping bags on cold mornings, particularly when it is their turn to build the fire. The Shucker can now take over this difficult chore. It consists of a large inflatable bear, which you blow up and place next to your companion after he has gone to sleep. The next morning, all you need do is yell “Bear in tent!” to shuck the person out of his sleeping bag. This obviously is a great improvement over my previous design for a sleeping-bag shucker, which required you to get up, insert the bottom of your companion’s bag between the rollers, and crank it through.
    Anti-Purist Fly Box —Here is the perfect gift for you if you must associate with fly-fishing purists. It appears to be
a standard fly box, but when a secret button is pressed, a panel slides open to reveal a matched set of night crawlers.
    Well, that’s enough Christmas delights to tantalize you with. Now, I have to go clean the basement. I love cleaning the basement. Before my wife found out how to work the Automatic Fish Cleaner and Scaler, I didn’t care that much for cleaning the basement. Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm.

The Hunting Lesson
    O ver the years it has been my distinct honor and pleasure to introduce numerous persons to the sport of hunting. It is odd, however, that a man can have a thousand successes and one failure, and it will be the failure that sticks in his mind like a porky quill in a hound’s nose. Thus it is with my single failure, one Sidney Sample. Even now, five years later, I torment myself with the question of where I went wrong. How did I slip with Sample?
    The affair started off innocently enough. One fall day, with none of my regular hunting partners available for the following weekend, I strolled next door to Sidney’s house to invite him to go deer hunting with me. I found him digging up bulbs in the garden, and greeted him informally, namely by sneaking up behind him and dumping a basket of moldering leaves over his head. Not one to enjoy a good joke on himself, Sidney growled malevolently and thrust blindly at me with the garden trowel.

    â€œSidney,” I said, holding him at bay with a rake handle, “I am about to give you the opportunity of a lifetime. How would you like to go deer hunting with me?”
    â€œNot much,” he replied, fingering leaf mold from his ears. “In fact, my desire to go hunting with you is so slight as to escape detection by modern science!”
    â€œDon’t like hunting, huh?” I said. “Well, many people who have never been exposed to