The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster by Bobby Henderson Page B
Authors: Bobby Henderson
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with this, with drug addicts comprising some 90 percent of Born Agains.
3 . Possible exception in the ironically named “Bible belt” region of the southern United States, where most older women are well known to be alcoholics and raging lesbians. Source: Jerry Springer.
4 . Gay and lesbian people are as welcome as anyone else in our church, and they are also as welcome as their straight counterparts to become clergy.
5 . This is accepted practice in matters of religion. Consider the number of Scientologist eunuchs, and how the church wisely avoids mentioning up front the requirement that males donate their testicles a few years after joining.
6 . Just a coincidence put in place by the FSM, we’re sure.
7 . He Would Convert to FSM.
8 . If anything, He should be paying attention to the news.
9 . See Diego Maranara’s “Noodle of God.” Argentina vs. England, June 22, 1986.
10 . Although Saddam does kind of resemble a Pirate, he most certainly is not a Pasta-farian.
11 . A traditional garment with long trailing strings.
12 . Coincidentally, Japan is the official country of Ramen.
13 . Located primarily at the North Pole.
14 . I suggest either a sign firmly attached to a meter stick, or in the unlikely but awesome occasion of two little people, please consider sitting atop the other’s shoulders. I absolutely guarantee my full attention in this case.
Pamphlets
As intrepid soldiers of the FSM, we come armed only with our faith,
numerous examples of observable evidence, and maybe some
Ramen or placards. In addition, we have pamphlets, which reduce
our message to easily digestible sound bites. Turn the page and
read on. Feel free to copy these pamphlets for your own
evangelical work. Consider them to be
extensions of His Noodly message
.
RAmen
FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM
Have you been touched by His Noodly Appendage?
_________________________________________
THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER
There are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. Many people around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing toward Evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
WHAT ELSE SHOULD I KNOW?
We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over ten million of us, and growing. We tend to be
very
secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.
SCIENTIFIC PROOF
He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75 percent of the carbon-14 had decayed by electron emission to nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that
every
time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is, of course, invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
MORE PROOF WITH A GRAPH!!
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct result of the shrinking number of Pirates since the 1800s.
The graph above shows the approximate number of Pirates versus the average global temperature over the last two hundred years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between Pirates and global temperature.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
We are
3 . Possible exception in the ironically named “Bible belt” region of the southern United States, where most older women are well known to be alcoholics and raging lesbians. Source: Jerry Springer.
4 . Gay and lesbian people are as welcome as anyone else in our church, and they are also as welcome as their straight counterparts to become clergy.
5 . This is accepted practice in matters of religion. Consider the number of Scientologist eunuchs, and how the church wisely avoids mentioning up front the requirement that males donate their testicles a few years after joining.
6 . Just a coincidence put in place by the FSM, we’re sure.
7 . He Would Convert to FSM.
8 . If anything, He should be paying attention to the news.
9 . See Diego Maranara’s “Noodle of God.” Argentina vs. England, June 22, 1986.
10 . Although Saddam does kind of resemble a Pirate, he most certainly is not a Pasta-farian.
11 . A traditional garment with long trailing strings.
12 . Coincidentally, Japan is the official country of Ramen.
13 . Located primarily at the North Pole.
14 . I suggest either a sign firmly attached to a meter stick, or in the unlikely but awesome occasion of two little people, please consider sitting atop the other’s shoulders. I absolutely guarantee my full attention in this case.
Pamphlets
As intrepid soldiers of the FSM, we come armed only with our faith,
numerous examples of observable evidence, and maybe some
Ramen or placards. In addition, we have pamphlets, which reduce
our message to easily digestible sound bites. Turn the page and
read on. Feel free to copy these pamphlets for your own
evangelical work. Consider them to be
extensions of His Noodly message
.
RAmen
FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTERISM
Have you been touched by His Noodly Appendage?
_________________________________________
THE CHURCH OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER
There are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. Many people around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing toward Evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.
WHAT ELSE SHOULD I KNOW?
We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over ten million of us, and growing. We tend to be
very
secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence.
SCIENTIFIC PROOF
He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75 percent of the carbon-14 had decayed by electron emission to nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that
every
time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is, of course, invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.
MORE PROOF WITH A GRAPH!!
You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct result of the shrinking number of Pirates since the 1800s.
The graph above shows the approximate number of Pirates versus the average global temperature over the last two hundred years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between Pirates and global temperature.
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
We are
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