hazel to green in the light. He quickly became my knight in shining armour, rescuing me when my car broke down, if I got too tipsy on a night out with the girls, or if I needed help when I started my first job as an office junior.
 We had a wonderful wedding, surrounded by all our friends and family, followed by an idyllic Tuscan honeymoon. We were both career-minded and driven, which meant we worked and played hard. Life was for living in our eyes, and we wanted to gobble up every last drop. I had made my way up the ladder to a successful senior role in public relations, handling big brand accounts. He had ventured into marketing, learnt the tricks of the trade from various small companies, and gone on to set up his own business. He loved it; we both did. It gave us a great deal of freedom.
 When Rosemary came along, everything changed. Our reactions to our poorly little baby were so far apart it began to feel as though we existed in different stratospheres. We no longer had the same goals and dreams.
 We both had blood on our hands.
Chapter Seven
Much to my relief Halloween passed without event and we werenât visited by any trick or treaters. I asked Rosie if everything was OK at school and she just shrugged her shoulders, saying it was a bit boring at the moment. I could take boring until the cows came home; thatâs what I yearned for: a nice quiet, peaceful, boring life. Barbara laughed when I said this to her at work and suggested I needed to get out more. Sheâd taken it upon herself to become a surrogate mother to me. She decided it wasnât healthy for me to be cooped up in my little crumbling cottage all the time and so insisted on babysitting the following Sunday so I could enjoy a walk on my own, to get a bit of fresh air, a bit of âme-timeâ, as she put it.
 Rosie and I had walked together lots at the weekends up until a fortnight ago. Now there was something so liberating about the thought of getting out on my own. It would give me a chance to think about my past and piece together a future for Rosie and myself.
 It was getting late when Barbara arrived on Sunday afternoon, cursing her son Charlie for leaving his school project until the last minute. I promised Iâd just take a short walk. The chilly November nights were drawing in earlier with each day that passed and I didnât want to be out when it was too dark.
 Iâd left Rosie playing with Barbara and her toys upstairs in her bedroom. They had come to love their time together, Rosie seeing Barbara as something of a fun auntie. I knew Barbara sneaked a stash of chocolate into my house every time she came but I turned a blind eye. It was nice for Rosie to have an adult friend, someone who wasnât seven yearsâ old and at her school. I knew she missed her own family but that was an inevitable peril when you went on the run. For our own safety, I had to keep her away from our old friends and family, no matter how painful that was for me, her, or them. I thought about the campaign and decided it was probably best to leave our lovely posters and leaflets in hiding. What a pity Gillian and everyone else had gone to so much effort for nothing.
 I breathed a long deep sigh, taking in the crisp air and watching my breath linger on the wind in front of me before drifting off elsewhere. The deeper I walked into the forest, the louder the birds sang, high up in the tall fir trees. I loved the fact they gave us a beautiful dusk chorus, celebrating the end of every great day as well as the joy and gratitude they gave us every morning for sun-up. This afternoon it was almost as if they sang:
âItâs dusk, itâs dusk beware
Everything looks golden
But soon it will be dark
And something will give you a scare.â
I smiled. Wise little birds. I decided to walk only as far as the river today and not to cross the railway bridge over it and into the glade on the other side. In the summer,
 We had a wonderful wedding, surrounded by all our friends and family, followed by an idyllic Tuscan honeymoon. We were both career-minded and driven, which meant we worked and played hard. Life was for living in our eyes, and we wanted to gobble up every last drop. I had made my way up the ladder to a successful senior role in public relations, handling big brand accounts. He had ventured into marketing, learnt the tricks of the trade from various small companies, and gone on to set up his own business. He loved it; we both did. It gave us a great deal of freedom.
 When Rosemary came along, everything changed. Our reactions to our poorly little baby were so far apart it began to feel as though we existed in different stratospheres. We no longer had the same goals and dreams.
 We both had blood on our hands.
Chapter Seven
Much to my relief Halloween passed without event and we werenât visited by any trick or treaters. I asked Rosie if everything was OK at school and she just shrugged her shoulders, saying it was a bit boring at the moment. I could take boring until the cows came home; thatâs what I yearned for: a nice quiet, peaceful, boring life. Barbara laughed when I said this to her at work and suggested I needed to get out more. Sheâd taken it upon herself to become a surrogate mother to me. She decided it wasnât healthy for me to be cooped up in my little crumbling cottage all the time and so insisted on babysitting the following Sunday so I could enjoy a walk on my own, to get a bit of fresh air, a bit of âme-timeâ, as she put it.
 Rosie and I had walked together lots at the weekends up until a fortnight ago. Now there was something so liberating about the thought of getting out on my own. It would give me a chance to think about my past and piece together a future for Rosie and myself.
 It was getting late when Barbara arrived on Sunday afternoon, cursing her son Charlie for leaving his school project until the last minute. I promised Iâd just take a short walk. The chilly November nights were drawing in earlier with each day that passed and I didnât want to be out when it was too dark.
 Iâd left Rosie playing with Barbara and her toys upstairs in her bedroom. They had come to love their time together, Rosie seeing Barbara as something of a fun auntie. I knew Barbara sneaked a stash of chocolate into my house every time she came but I turned a blind eye. It was nice for Rosie to have an adult friend, someone who wasnât seven yearsâ old and at her school. I knew she missed her own family but that was an inevitable peril when you went on the run. For our own safety, I had to keep her away from our old friends and family, no matter how painful that was for me, her, or them. I thought about the campaign and decided it was probably best to leave our lovely posters and leaflets in hiding. What a pity Gillian and everyone else had gone to so much effort for nothing.
 I breathed a long deep sigh, taking in the crisp air and watching my breath linger on the wind in front of me before drifting off elsewhere. The deeper I walked into the forest, the louder the birds sang, high up in the tall fir trees. I loved the fact they gave us a beautiful dusk chorus, celebrating the end of every great day as well as the joy and gratitude they gave us every morning for sun-up. This afternoon it was almost as if they sang:
âItâs dusk, itâs dusk beware
Everything looks golden
But soon it will be dark
And something will give you a scare.â
I smiled. Wise little birds. I decided to walk only as far as the river today and not to cross the railway bridge over it and into the glade on the other side. In the summer,
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