The First Time by Joy Fielding Page A

shoulders. She looked smaller, more achingly vulnerable than at any time he could remember. “So, it’s over,” was all she said.
    Jake wasn’t sure what had prompted the abrupt change in Mattie’s attitude, whether she realized he was right, or that there was nothing to be gained by arguing, or that she simply didn’t have the strength for further protestations. Maybe she was as grateful as he was that everything was finally out in the open, so that they could get on with their lives. She was still young. She was undeniably lovely, even covered in bruises. He turned away, dismayed by the unexpected stirring in his loins. What was wrong with him, for God’s sake? Wasn’t this precisely what had gotten them into this mess in the first place?
    “I think you should go now,” Mattie said.
    “What?” Jake was confused by this sudden turn of events, his mind twisting and turning like a sailboat caught in an unexpected eddy. Hadn’t he already told her he would stay a few days, until she was feeling stronger? Hadn’t he shown her that, despite everything, he was still prepared to be responsible, caring,magnanimous? How could she be so dismissive?
    “There’s no reason for you to stay,” Mattie told him matter-of-factly. “I’ll be fine.”
    “Why don’t I stay until tomorrow—” he began.
    “I’d rather you didn’t. Really, there’s no need.”
    Jake sat absolutely still for several moments before pushing himself off the sofa, only to find himself standing motionless in the center of the room, not sure what was expected of him at this point, whether he should stick with his game plan, insist that he stay, whether he should wave and walk out the door, whether he should give Mattie a final kiss good-bye.
    “Good-bye, Jake,” Mattie told him evenly, once again reaching inside his head, making the decision for him. “You’re doing the right thing,” she said, catching him by surprise. “Maybe not for the right reason. But it
is
the right thing.”
    Jake smiled, torn between the conflicting urges to take her in his arms or jump up and down for joy. It was over, he was free, and aside from a few tense moments, it had been relatively painless, even easy. Of course, this was just the beginning. They hadn’t started talking about money, about dividing their assets. Who knew what would happen once the lawyers got involved?
    Lawyers, he thought, leaving the room and crossing the large central foyer to the front door. Definitely a breed apart.
    “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said, as Mattie, only steps behind him, jumped ahead of him to open the door, as if he were a guest in her home, and an unwelcome guest at that. Even before he reached his car, Jake heard the front door close behind him.

E IGHT
    W hat do you mean, you just let him walk out of here? Are you crazy?”
    “I’m fine, Lisa. There was no reason for him to stay.”
    “No reason for him to stay?” Lisa pushed a stray wave of hair away from her forehead. Mattie understood that the gesture was born of frustration more with Mattie than with her hair, which always looked perfect. “How about the fact that you were in a serious car accident, that you suffered a concussion, that you just got home from the hospital today?”
    “I can manage.”
    “You can manage,” Lisa repeated numbly, getting up from her seat at the kitchen table to pour herself another cup of coffee. She’d driven to Evanston to check on Mattie as soon as her office hours werethrough, and she was still wearing her white doctor’s robe over her navy sweater and pants. Mattie had made a fresh pot of coffee, unfrozen some banana-cranberry muffins, and calmly announced to her horrified friend that she and Jake had decided to separate. “What if you fall?” Lisa was asking, a not unreasonable question considering that Mattie had already experienced one near-tumble since Jake’s departure, although she’d said nothing about it to Lisa.
    “I’ll get up,” Mattie