he could save me. Maybe I could save him. Maybe I could just make things right again.
"Okay," I said, before I could pull my classic move, the one that saw me running.
"Good."
"I need a day. I need to sort out work and…" My voice shook so much, I was sure I was about to burst out in tears at any moment. What if… No time for what if's.
"It'll be fine, Jessie. I'm not saying it won't be hard, because it will be. He'll make it hard because he's a stubborn ass, but if this thing is real between you, then you have to believe."
I looked at her for a moment, and suddenly she didn't seem so scary. "You know the thing you have with Dee is kind of intimidating."
She smiled, knowing that she'd worn me down. "I know. He'd kill me if he knew I was here."
I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know how I let myself get to this point."
"Fear."
I looked up at her and bit my lip. She got it. I didn't know her whole story, but Zoe got it. I just hoped she was right about this, because it meant my whole life needed to be cut up and put back together. And I didn't know who I was going to be after the glue went on. That bit would be up to Dee.
Driving down the open road into the sunset sounds like such an adventure. The ever changing landscape, new places and faces. A new experience awaiting around every corner and rise. Just sitting there waiting for you to come across it. But, the open expanse of countryside felt as empty as I was inside. In true Dee fashion, I just kept on truckin'. Counter-terrorism.
I'd made it all the way to Denver from the Grand Canyon and I was tired of the car. I got a room at the first motel I came across, which looked like something out of a horror movie, and collapsed on the bed in a cloud of mothballs. I just wanted to sleep the pain away.
I hadn't played my guitar once, or even written a word in my notebook of songs. I hadn't done anything that I usually would have to cheer myself up. I hadn't even looked to see if there was anything interesting to do in this city. It was like the miles I'd driven were some kind of metaphoric distance thing. The further I drove, the further away from that thing that happened I'd be and at the end of the road nirvana would be waiting for me. So fucking philosophical.
Remembering the promise I made to Zoe, I fished out my phone and dialed her number. I might be on the slow road to rock bottom, but I still couldn't go a day without speaking to her. I had no idea where they were going next on their trip, I think she wanted to go to Huston and check out a bunch of space stuff. Huston we have a problem and all that crap. Zoe had this thing with stars and galaxies and was forever reading books and newspaper articles. Why, I don't know. The universe was too big for my tiny mind to comprehend.
The person you have dialed is not available…
When the beep came, instead of hanging up, I decided to leave her a message.
"So, I'm not dead yet," I said, catching my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I looked like shit on a stick. "I really miss you guys. Even Frank's stupid face and that's sayin' somethin'. This road trip is the furthest thing from Thelma and Louise as you can get. There hasn't been one trucker that's cat called me or nothin'." I debated on hanging up and trying her later, but I said what was on my mind. "The silence is getting to me. There's just… nothing and I don't know what to do about it."
Running a hand over my face, I grimaced. I didn't even understand what I was on about. Before I could get more philosophical in my depression, I pressed the end call button on the screen and tossed the phone onto the table.
Trying to understand this thing I was feeling was eating me up. Was I feeling this fucking shit because I'd fallen for Jessie? Like, no turning back fallen? I didn't think it was possible to love someone so soon after meeting them. Connection, explosive sex or no.
My phone started to ring, vibrating across the table.
"Okay," I said, before I could pull my classic move, the one that saw me running.
"Good."
"I need a day. I need to sort out work and…" My voice shook so much, I was sure I was about to burst out in tears at any moment. What if… No time for what if's.
"It'll be fine, Jessie. I'm not saying it won't be hard, because it will be. He'll make it hard because he's a stubborn ass, but if this thing is real between you, then you have to believe."
I looked at her for a moment, and suddenly she didn't seem so scary. "You know the thing you have with Dee is kind of intimidating."
She smiled, knowing that she'd worn me down. "I know. He'd kill me if he knew I was here."
I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know how I let myself get to this point."
"Fear."
I looked up at her and bit my lip. She got it. I didn't know her whole story, but Zoe got it. I just hoped she was right about this, because it meant my whole life needed to be cut up and put back together. And I didn't know who I was going to be after the glue went on. That bit would be up to Dee.
Driving down the open road into the sunset sounds like such an adventure. The ever changing landscape, new places and faces. A new experience awaiting around every corner and rise. Just sitting there waiting for you to come across it. But, the open expanse of countryside felt as empty as I was inside. In true Dee fashion, I just kept on truckin'. Counter-terrorism.
I'd made it all the way to Denver from the Grand Canyon and I was tired of the car. I got a room at the first motel I came across, which looked like something out of a horror movie, and collapsed on the bed in a cloud of mothballs. I just wanted to sleep the pain away.
I hadn't played my guitar once, or even written a word in my notebook of songs. I hadn't done anything that I usually would have to cheer myself up. I hadn't even looked to see if there was anything interesting to do in this city. It was like the miles I'd driven were some kind of metaphoric distance thing. The further I drove, the further away from that thing that happened I'd be and at the end of the road nirvana would be waiting for me. So fucking philosophical.
Remembering the promise I made to Zoe, I fished out my phone and dialed her number. I might be on the slow road to rock bottom, but I still couldn't go a day without speaking to her. I had no idea where they were going next on their trip, I think she wanted to go to Huston and check out a bunch of space stuff. Huston we have a problem and all that crap. Zoe had this thing with stars and galaxies and was forever reading books and newspaper articles. Why, I don't know. The universe was too big for my tiny mind to comprehend.
The person you have dialed is not available…
When the beep came, instead of hanging up, I decided to leave her a message.
"So, I'm not dead yet," I said, catching my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I looked like shit on a stick. "I really miss you guys. Even Frank's stupid face and that's sayin' somethin'. This road trip is the furthest thing from Thelma and Louise as you can get. There hasn't been one trucker that's cat called me or nothin'." I debated on hanging up and trying her later, but I said what was on my mind. "The silence is getting to me. There's just… nothing and I don't know what to do about it."
Running a hand over my face, I grimaced. I didn't even understand what I was on about. Before I could get more philosophical in my depression, I pressed the end call button on the screen and tossed the phone onto the table.
Trying to understand this thing I was feeling was eating me up. Was I feeling this fucking shit because I'd fallen for Jessie? Like, no turning back fallen? I didn't think it was possible to love someone so soon after meeting them. Connection, explosive sex or no.
My phone started to ring, vibrating across the table.
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