The Fear and Anxiety Solution by PhD Friedemann MD Schaub Page A
Authors: PhD Friedemann MD Schaub
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growth and self-empowerment on which you’ve embarked, so it makes sense that only you can define what success means to you.
As you go through this very personal process, you may have moments of doubt and discouragement, wondering whether you’re on the right track andwhether you’ve made any progress at all, despite your efforts. Some people in your life won’t appreciate and approve of your changes, your newfound confidence and inner peace, as much as you would hope for, which may further add to your uncertainty. Others may passionately tell you what they
know
is best for you, expecting you to accept and comply with their “brilliant” ideas. Having a clear concept about some important end points of your inner journey will help you stay focused, unwavering, and motivated on
your
goals until you reach your destination.
Three Steps for Defining Your Convincers
1. Imagine how you will interact differently with the world around you when you’ve reached your goals but nothing outside of you has significantly changed. The people in your life, job, and the place you live are all still the same. How would you act differently around these people and in your normal environment once you’ve reached your goals? For example, you might say, “I would speak more openly and directly with my spouse,” “I would no longer take the grumpiness of my coworker personally,” or “I would be able to go to sleep in a clutter-free bedroom.”
2. Pick a few challenging situations that have often triggered fear and anxiety for you. Imagine how you might feel about and deal with these challenges in a different, more resourceful way. What responses to these challenges would convince you that you’ve changed and reached your goals? And how many times would you have to experience these positive changes to trust that they are permanent? Find the balance between realistic and fantastic. In other words, create a vision that is believable and exciting at the same time. For example, “I could say no and create healthy boundaries when my boss asks me to work overtime on the weekends,” “I would tell my neighbors to turn their music way down if they were blasting it again at 2:00 a.m.,” “I would calmly watch my kids leaving for their overnight camp, knowing that they will be alright, and would enjoy a nice evening with my spouse.”
3. Set up motivational intermediate convincers. There’s always a way to get to where you want to go. Maybe you’re more comfortable with defining intermediate goals that keep you focused and on track or taking smaller steps at first and moving through a series of solidifying resting places between where you are now and where you want to be. What smaller goals would you like toreach in order to prove to yourself that you’ve gained ground and made some progress? For example, “I would go to the grocery store in sweatpants and still feel good about myself,” “I would openly share with my friends that I am working on breaking through my fears and insecurities,” or “I would admit to others when I have made a mistake or was wrong.”
Whether you like to focus on one intermediary stepping stone at a time or feel ready to take greater leaps, the pace of this journey is totally up to you. Convincers help you along the way by making your successes more real and believable, thus reenergizing your motivation to go even further than you thought possible for you.
QUESTION 4: WHY DO YOU WANT TO REACH YOUR GOALS?
To paraphrase Anthony Robbins, a well-known life strategist, writer, and inspirational speaker, “The more powerful the
why
you decide to do anything, the greater the likelihood for you to succeed.” Any change and growth usually stirs up some inner resistance. Maybe you’re concerned that people will no longer like you after you’ve changed, or you doubt that you really deserve a better life. Or maybe you’re tempted to slip into the familiar grooves of old habits because it feels more
As you go through this very personal process, you may have moments of doubt and discouragement, wondering whether you’re on the right track andwhether you’ve made any progress at all, despite your efforts. Some people in your life won’t appreciate and approve of your changes, your newfound confidence and inner peace, as much as you would hope for, which may further add to your uncertainty. Others may passionately tell you what they
know
is best for you, expecting you to accept and comply with their “brilliant” ideas. Having a clear concept about some important end points of your inner journey will help you stay focused, unwavering, and motivated on
your
goals until you reach your destination.
Three Steps for Defining Your Convincers
1. Imagine how you will interact differently with the world around you when you’ve reached your goals but nothing outside of you has significantly changed. The people in your life, job, and the place you live are all still the same. How would you act differently around these people and in your normal environment once you’ve reached your goals? For example, you might say, “I would speak more openly and directly with my spouse,” “I would no longer take the grumpiness of my coworker personally,” or “I would be able to go to sleep in a clutter-free bedroom.”
2. Pick a few challenging situations that have often triggered fear and anxiety for you. Imagine how you might feel about and deal with these challenges in a different, more resourceful way. What responses to these challenges would convince you that you’ve changed and reached your goals? And how many times would you have to experience these positive changes to trust that they are permanent? Find the balance between realistic and fantastic. In other words, create a vision that is believable and exciting at the same time. For example, “I could say no and create healthy boundaries when my boss asks me to work overtime on the weekends,” “I would tell my neighbors to turn their music way down if they were blasting it again at 2:00 a.m.,” “I would calmly watch my kids leaving for their overnight camp, knowing that they will be alright, and would enjoy a nice evening with my spouse.”
3. Set up motivational intermediate convincers. There’s always a way to get to where you want to go. Maybe you’re more comfortable with defining intermediate goals that keep you focused and on track or taking smaller steps at first and moving through a series of solidifying resting places between where you are now and where you want to be. What smaller goals would you like toreach in order to prove to yourself that you’ve gained ground and made some progress? For example, “I would go to the grocery store in sweatpants and still feel good about myself,” “I would openly share with my friends that I am working on breaking through my fears and insecurities,” or “I would admit to others when I have made a mistake or was wrong.”
Whether you like to focus on one intermediary stepping stone at a time or feel ready to take greater leaps, the pace of this journey is totally up to you. Convincers help you along the way by making your successes more real and believable, thus reenergizing your motivation to go even further than you thought possible for you.
QUESTION 4: WHY DO YOU WANT TO REACH YOUR GOALS?
To paraphrase Anthony Robbins, a well-known life strategist, writer, and inspirational speaker, “The more powerful the
why
you decide to do anything, the greater the likelihood for you to succeed.” Any change and growth usually stirs up some inner resistance. Maybe you’re concerned that people will no longer like you after you’ve changed, or you doubt that you really deserve a better life. Or maybe you’re tempted to slip into the familiar grooves of old habits because it feels more
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