officially banned.
“Poor fool. You threw away your life, a precious life, and for what?”
On a wall of his Luna Park townhouse were several daguerreotypes of his daredevil grandfather. Dirk Burnaby often contemplated these, smiling at the handlebar mustache that gave to the lean, hopeful face a look of masculine swagger. In one photograph, Reginald Burnaby was smiling stiffly, and you could see that his teeth were in bad repair, crooked and discolored. In another photograph, Burnaby in snug-fitting jersey and tights, a circus performer’s costume, stood with arms akimbo, knuckles on his hips and a cocky Ain’t I something ?
expression on his face. Here you could see that Burnaby was a compact, muscled little man, strongly developed in the torso, thighs, and legs. (Dirk Burnaby had read that his grandfather was only five foot six, and weighed less than one hundred fifty pounds at the time of his death.) You could see that he was probably hot-blooded, restless, consumed with vanity, sought after by women, doomed to die young.
Yes, he’d been brave, but what’s the point?
Who wants to be a daredevil, and posthumous?
He, Dirk Burnaby, was nothing like his ancestor physically. He’d grown to a gratifying height of six foot two while still in his teens.
(He’d liked that! Towering over his classmates and most adults. It had given him a charge of entitlement and invincibility he would draw upon through life, like a limitless bank account.) He wasn’t swarthy-skinned like a gypsy but fair-skinned, and he wasn’t even mildly cross-eyed. He detested mustaches and beards, they made his sensitive skin itch. He was a good-looking man, why hide the fact? He guessed he wasn’t very brave. He’d never risk his life if he could avoid it.
“I’d rather live, thank you.”
In the U.S. Army where he’d been a private in the infantry for two years, stationed mainly in Italy, he’d had to force himself to shoot at the enemy, and could not have said that he’d ever—once—hit any human target, let alone killed. He didn’t want to have killed . At the cru-70 W Joyce Carol Oates
cial moment, firing his rifle, he’d often shut his eyes. Sometimes he hadn’t aimed, and sometimes he hadn’t even pulled the trigger. (Years later, Dirk would learn that a startlingly high percentage of soldiers had behaved this way, not wanting to have killed, and yet somehow the war was won.) Dirk Burnaby had been wounded, and and spent several weeks in an army hospital near Naples, he had medals to prove he’d acted bravely in the confused, chaotic event designated as World War II, he was damned glad the Allies had won over the deranged and murderous Axis powers, certainly he spoke with passion of the madness of Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, and what it meant that millions of human beings had acquiesced to their madness, but of his actual war experience he retained little except a vast relief that the war was over and he was alive.
“That’s what you missed, grandfather. Ordinary life.”
One thing it was not: love at first sight.
He didn’t believe in such. He wasn’t a believer in romance, sentimental coincidences, “meanings” snatched out of the air. He certainly didn’t believe in destiny, he was a gambler by nature and you know that destiny is just chance you try to manipulate for your own profit.
Yet his first glimpse of Ariah Erskine made an impression. The red-haired woman in the frilly girl’s dress was in the company of his friend Clyde Colborne, who was leading her, like a convalescent, down the steps of the Niagara Falls Police Headquarters. The woman brusquely detached her arm from Colborne’s as if he’d said something that annoyed her. Or she was capable of walking without a man’s assistance, thank you.
Sighting Burnaby, Colborne called to him eagerly, and introduced him to “Mrs. Ariah Erskine” who stared at him for a tense moment before half-shutting her eyes. (Had the poor woman for that moment, in the
“Poor fool. You threw away your life, a precious life, and for what?”
On a wall of his Luna Park townhouse were several daguerreotypes of his daredevil grandfather. Dirk Burnaby often contemplated these, smiling at the handlebar mustache that gave to the lean, hopeful face a look of masculine swagger. In one photograph, Reginald Burnaby was smiling stiffly, and you could see that his teeth were in bad repair, crooked and discolored. In another photograph, Burnaby in snug-fitting jersey and tights, a circus performer’s costume, stood with arms akimbo, knuckles on his hips and a cocky Ain’t I something ?
expression on his face. Here you could see that Burnaby was a compact, muscled little man, strongly developed in the torso, thighs, and legs. (Dirk Burnaby had read that his grandfather was only five foot six, and weighed less than one hundred fifty pounds at the time of his death.) You could see that he was probably hot-blooded, restless, consumed with vanity, sought after by women, doomed to die young.
Yes, he’d been brave, but what’s the point?
Who wants to be a daredevil, and posthumous?
He, Dirk Burnaby, was nothing like his ancestor physically. He’d grown to a gratifying height of six foot two while still in his teens.
(He’d liked that! Towering over his classmates and most adults. It had given him a charge of entitlement and invincibility he would draw upon through life, like a limitless bank account.) He wasn’t swarthy-skinned like a gypsy but fair-skinned, and he wasn’t even mildly cross-eyed. He detested mustaches and beards, they made his sensitive skin itch. He was a good-looking man, why hide the fact? He guessed he wasn’t very brave. He’d never risk his life if he could avoid it.
“I’d rather live, thank you.”
In the U.S. Army where he’d been a private in the infantry for two years, stationed mainly in Italy, he’d had to force himself to shoot at the enemy, and could not have said that he’d ever—once—hit any human target, let alone killed. He didn’t want to have killed . At the cru-70 W Joyce Carol Oates
cial moment, firing his rifle, he’d often shut his eyes. Sometimes he hadn’t aimed, and sometimes he hadn’t even pulled the trigger. (Years later, Dirk would learn that a startlingly high percentage of soldiers had behaved this way, not wanting to have killed, and yet somehow the war was won.) Dirk Burnaby had been wounded, and and spent several weeks in an army hospital near Naples, he had medals to prove he’d acted bravely in the confused, chaotic event designated as World War II, he was damned glad the Allies had won over the deranged and murderous Axis powers, certainly he spoke with passion of the madness of Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, and what it meant that millions of human beings had acquiesced to their madness, but of his actual war experience he retained little except a vast relief that the war was over and he was alive.
“That’s what you missed, grandfather. Ordinary life.”
One thing it was not: love at first sight.
He didn’t believe in such. He wasn’t a believer in romance, sentimental coincidences, “meanings” snatched out of the air. He certainly didn’t believe in destiny, he was a gambler by nature and you know that destiny is just chance you try to manipulate for your own profit.
Yet his first glimpse of Ariah Erskine made an impression. The red-haired woman in the frilly girl’s dress was in the company of his friend Clyde Colborne, who was leading her, like a convalescent, down the steps of the Niagara Falls Police Headquarters. The woman brusquely detached her arm from Colborne’s as if he’d said something that annoyed her. Or she was capable of walking without a man’s assistance, thank you.
Sighting Burnaby, Colborne called to him eagerly, and introduced him to “Mrs. Ariah Erskine” who stared at him for a tense moment before half-shutting her eyes. (Had the poor woman for that moment, in the
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