back, though it’s not for want
of trying on her part.’
‘You’re not leaving me?’ she uttered, tears
filling her eyes.
‘Of course I’m not. I told you when we decided
to get ourselves into this whole mess, that I love you more than I loved the
idea of carrying out my fantasies and I meant it. I just got carried away when
you said you wanted to try a woman. It shouldn’t have been her, it should never
have been her. Yes, I wanted her, I was flattered by her attention, but I want
you more.’
‘But she’s so beautiful and her body’s … it’s
not been ravaged by age or giving birth. How do I compete with that?’ she
beseeched.
‘You don’t need to compete. I love every line
on your face, every single stretch mark on your stomach and the fact that your
breasts never went back to the size they were before. All of that tells a story
of our twenty year life together, sweetheart. How could anything , or
anyone else, ever compare to all that history? You really think that I could
turn my back on all of that, on you and my children, just for a younger version
of you.’
‘I thought … I thought you’d want her more than
me, especially when you refused to sack her,’ she sobbed, burying her face in
my chest.
‘I’m sorry, but that was purely from a legal
standpoint, not emotional. I tried explaining that, but you weren’t listening.
I should have tried harder. Yes, of course I was flattered having a young sexy
girl like her interested in me, it reminded me of when we first met. Then when
you said you wanted to try a girl-girl ménage, I saw the chance to kill two
birds with one stone. I was so stupid breaking your trust like that. We were
stupid inviting anyone else into our bed. I never told you, but much as it
turned me on seeing you getting fucked by Paul, I also hated it at the same
time. You’re mine, Tracy Hodgins, you’ve always been mine, from the moment I
saw you. Just as I’m yours. We don’t need anyone else. Some fantasies should
stay just that. We can live out all the others, just the two of us. Tell me you
forgive me? Tell me I haven’t pushed you away? You’re the love of my life,
Tracy. No one else will ever take your place.’
‘You’re mine too,’ she sniffed. ‘You hurt me so
badly by tricking me, I can’t even begin to tell you how much, but I can’t let
you go either. We’ve been together so long I don’t know who Tracy is without
you anymore. I don’t want to know. I love the Tracy I am with you, especially
the new Tracy I’d just turned into, the confident and sexual woman, instead of
just a mother and housekeeper. And I can’t bear seeing how upset the kids are
that you’re not at home. But I don’t see how this solves anything. I can’t
handle you being around her every day.’
‘You don’t have to. I just told you I was
leaving Birmingham, but I think you’re understandably so emotional it went in
one ear and out of the other. She’ll be assigned to someone else in the firm.
We never have to see her again.’
‘Leaving Birmingham?’ she finally raised her
tear stained face to mine. I winced and pulled my cotton handkerchief out of my
top suit pocket and wiped her eyes.
‘I got offered the position of Criminal Judge
at Shrewsbury, where I’ll be based, with a substantial raise. We can finally
look for a house there, maybe in Kingsland near my parents. We’ll be on the
doorstep of Rosie and Caleb’s schools and instead of that long and monotonous
daily commute, I’ll be able to spend more time with my family, just like we’ve
always dreamed of.’
‘You’re serious?’ she sniffed, grabbing the
handkerchief off me and blowing her nose.
‘Deadly as a shark bite,’ I nodded.
‘But why bring me here to tell me? I really
thought that you were going to tell me it was over, that you weren’t coming home
again.’
‘As well as trying to keep it private, I wanted
to show you how serious I was by having you by my side when I told her
of trying on her part.’
‘You’re not leaving me?’ she uttered, tears
filling her eyes.
‘Of course I’m not. I told you when we decided
to get ourselves into this whole mess, that I love you more than I loved the
idea of carrying out my fantasies and I meant it. I just got carried away when
you said you wanted to try a woman. It shouldn’t have been her, it should never
have been her. Yes, I wanted her, I was flattered by her attention, but I want
you more.’
‘But she’s so beautiful and her body’s … it’s
not been ravaged by age or giving birth. How do I compete with that?’ she
beseeched.
‘You don’t need to compete. I love every line
on your face, every single stretch mark on your stomach and the fact that your
breasts never went back to the size they were before. All of that tells a story
of our twenty year life together, sweetheart. How could anything , or
anyone else, ever compare to all that history? You really think that I could
turn my back on all of that, on you and my children, just for a younger version
of you.’
‘I thought … I thought you’d want her more than
me, especially when you refused to sack her,’ she sobbed, burying her face in
my chest.
‘I’m sorry, but that was purely from a legal
standpoint, not emotional. I tried explaining that, but you weren’t listening.
I should have tried harder. Yes, of course I was flattered having a young sexy
girl like her interested in me, it reminded me of when we first met. Then when
you said you wanted to try a girl-girl ménage, I saw the chance to kill two
birds with one stone. I was so stupid breaking your trust like that. We were
stupid inviting anyone else into our bed. I never told you, but much as it
turned me on seeing you getting fucked by Paul, I also hated it at the same
time. You’re mine, Tracy Hodgins, you’ve always been mine, from the moment I
saw you. Just as I’m yours. We don’t need anyone else. Some fantasies should
stay just that. We can live out all the others, just the two of us. Tell me you
forgive me? Tell me I haven’t pushed you away? You’re the love of my life,
Tracy. No one else will ever take your place.’
‘You’re mine too,’ she sniffed. ‘You hurt me so
badly by tricking me, I can’t even begin to tell you how much, but I can’t let
you go either. We’ve been together so long I don’t know who Tracy is without
you anymore. I don’t want to know. I love the Tracy I am with you, especially
the new Tracy I’d just turned into, the confident and sexual woman, instead of
just a mother and housekeeper. And I can’t bear seeing how upset the kids are
that you’re not at home. But I don’t see how this solves anything. I can’t
handle you being around her every day.’
‘You don’t have to. I just told you I was
leaving Birmingham, but I think you’re understandably so emotional it went in
one ear and out of the other. She’ll be assigned to someone else in the firm.
We never have to see her again.’
‘Leaving Birmingham?’ she finally raised her
tear stained face to mine. I winced and pulled my cotton handkerchief out of my
top suit pocket and wiped her eyes.
‘I got offered the position of Criminal Judge
at Shrewsbury, where I’ll be based, with a substantial raise. We can finally
look for a house there, maybe in Kingsland near my parents. We’ll be on the
doorstep of Rosie and Caleb’s schools and instead of that long and monotonous
daily commute, I’ll be able to spend more time with my family, just like we’ve
always dreamed of.’
‘You’re serious?’ she sniffed, grabbing the
handkerchief off me and blowing her nose.
‘Deadly as a shark bite,’ I nodded.
‘But why bring me here to tell me? I really
thought that you were going to tell me it was over, that you weren’t coming home
again.’
‘As well as trying to keep it private, I wanted
to show you how serious I was by having you by my side when I told her
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