it was until someone boiled it dry.’
‘And you’re looking at me?’ He laughed. ‘You’re like one ofthose riddles my old grandad used to pull out of a cracker on Christmas Day.’
‘Well, I’d watch your tone if I were you,’ I said, ‘because today isn’t Christmas and I’ve forgotten my funny hat.’
‘You people can’t take a joke.’
‘No, we’re serious folk,’ I said. ‘It can come from looking into some shopping bags.’
There was a silence. At last he said: ‘Are you talking about that job at Rotherhithe? You can’t be, for Christ’s sake! It must have been a nut that did that!’
‘You’re right,’ I said, ‘and my job is to put a name to him and do him. He’s got to be caught.’
‘Yes, Christ! Cooking a feller up, it’s dreadful!’ said McGruder solemnly. ‘It makes you really want to puke, what a sick bastard!’
‘You can stuff the morals,’ I said. ‘Mind if I have a look round here?’
‘Well, frankly I’m not keen,’ he said. ‘I’m one of those people, I’m fussy, I don’t care to have my gear messed about. I used to be in the army, and it comes of that I dare say.’
‘I dare say too,’ I said, ‘also from being in the nick a long time. Well? Can I do it? Or do I have to go back to the Factory for the paperwork?’
He shrugged. ‘OK. I’m not a man to make difficulties.’
‘For someone with your form,’ I said, ‘it sounds funny to hear you say that.’
He thought that over. ‘Look,’ he said finally, ‘I’ll try and be kind about this, but you’re beginning to give me a pain. Tell me what you’re looking for, and I’ll tell you if it’s here. Or else, OK, just get on and have a look round.’
I already was.
‘I’m not being deliberate,’ he said, following me around, ‘but that way we’ll save each other a load of trouble, and then you can be on your bike.’
‘With people like you,’ I said, ‘my bike has a flat tyre.’
‘What are you after, exactly?’ he said, leaning against the wall.
‘Well, it’s not a sailmaker’s needle this time round.’
There was another pause, which I spent whipping through his gear.
‘I should think it bloody isn’t. I’m no sailmaker.’
But it took him quite a while to come up with that one. Then he said: ‘What is it you’re looking for, then?’
I said: ‘If I found a humane killer that would be just right.’ I was into the bedroom by this time and had the mattress off on the floor. ‘Don’t go mad,’ I said, ‘I’ll put it all back again when I’ve finished and you can sleep tight; I’m not an unfriendly man.’
‘You won’t find a humane killer or anything else like that here.’
‘No, you threw it in the river like a sensible man. How much did you cop for the job, Billy? A grand? Two grand?’
‘Listen,’ he said, ‘what makes you pick on me?’
‘Well, let’s just start with the fact that you’ve done seven for murder and you’re worth keeping an eye on.’
‘You don’t even know who the geezer was yet,’ he said, ‘it says so in the linens.’
‘You’re wrong there,’ I said. ‘When did you last see Jackie Hadrill?’
‘I’ve never heard of him.’
‘Oh, come on, Billy,’ I said, ‘even the general public’s heard of Jack Hadrill, let alone every villain, and now, you wouldn’t believe it, he’s gone and disappeared and not a squeak’s been heard out of him since the night of April the thirteenth, and where were you that night?’
‘I was pissed out of my brain in a pub in Hammersmith.’
‘Rare for you; people I’ve been asking tell me you don’t drink. Which pub was it? The Nine Foot Drop?’
‘Could have been.’
‘I’m asking you was it,’ I said. ‘Now don’t fuck me about, Billy.’
‘Yes, it was the Nine Foot Drop,’ he said, ‘and I was with some mates of mine there.’
‘It had better be good,’ I said, ‘I shall want the names.’
‘You can have the names.’ He added: ‘I reckon there might be
‘And you’re looking at me?’ He laughed. ‘You’re like one ofthose riddles my old grandad used to pull out of a cracker on Christmas Day.’
‘Well, I’d watch your tone if I were you,’ I said, ‘because today isn’t Christmas and I’ve forgotten my funny hat.’
‘You people can’t take a joke.’
‘No, we’re serious folk,’ I said. ‘It can come from looking into some shopping bags.’
There was a silence. At last he said: ‘Are you talking about that job at Rotherhithe? You can’t be, for Christ’s sake! It must have been a nut that did that!’
‘You’re right,’ I said, ‘and my job is to put a name to him and do him. He’s got to be caught.’
‘Yes, Christ! Cooking a feller up, it’s dreadful!’ said McGruder solemnly. ‘It makes you really want to puke, what a sick bastard!’
‘You can stuff the morals,’ I said. ‘Mind if I have a look round here?’
‘Well, frankly I’m not keen,’ he said. ‘I’m one of those people, I’m fussy, I don’t care to have my gear messed about. I used to be in the army, and it comes of that I dare say.’
‘I dare say too,’ I said, ‘also from being in the nick a long time. Well? Can I do it? Or do I have to go back to the Factory for the paperwork?’
He shrugged. ‘OK. I’m not a man to make difficulties.’
‘For someone with your form,’ I said, ‘it sounds funny to hear you say that.’
He thought that over. ‘Look,’ he said finally, ‘I’ll try and be kind about this, but you’re beginning to give me a pain. Tell me what you’re looking for, and I’ll tell you if it’s here. Or else, OK, just get on and have a look round.’
I already was.
‘I’m not being deliberate,’ he said, following me around, ‘but that way we’ll save each other a load of trouble, and then you can be on your bike.’
‘With people like you,’ I said, ‘my bike has a flat tyre.’
‘What are you after, exactly?’ he said, leaning against the wall.
‘Well, it’s not a sailmaker’s needle this time round.’
There was another pause, which I spent whipping through his gear.
‘I should think it bloody isn’t. I’m no sailmaker.’
But it took him quite a while to come up with that one. Then he said: ‘What is it you’re looking for, then?’
I said: ‘If I found a humane killer that would be just right.’ I was into the bedroom by this time and had the mattress off on the floor. ‘Don’t go mad,’ I said, ‘I’ll put it all back again when I’ve finished and you can sleep tight; I’m not an unfriendly man.’
‘You won’t find a humane killer or anything else like that here.’
‘No, you threw it in the river like a sensible man. How much did you cop for the job, Billy? A grand? Two grand?’
‘Listen,’ he said, ‘what makes you pick on me?’
‘Well, let’s just start with the fact that you’ve done seven for murder and you’re worth keeping an eye on.’
‘You don’t even know who the geezer was yet,’ he said, ‘it says so in the linens.’
‘You’re wrong there,’ I said. ‘When did you last see Jackie Hadrill?’
‘I’ve never heard of him.’
‘Oh, come on, Billy,’ I said, ‘even the general public’s heard of Jack Hadrill, let alone every villain, and now, you wouldn’t believe it, he’s gone and disappeared and not a squeak’s been heard out of him since the night of April the thirteenth, and where were you that night?’
‘I was pissed out of my brain in a pub in Hammersmith.’
‘Rare for you; people I’ve been asking tell me you don’t drink. Which pub was it? The Nine Foot Drop?’
‘Could have been.’
‘I’m asking you was it,’ I said. ‘Now don’t fuck me about, Billy.’
‘Yes, it was the Nine Foot Drop,’ he said, ‘and I was with some mates of mine there.’
‘It had better be good,’ I said, ‘I shall want the names.’
‘You can have the names.’ He added: ‘I reckon there might be
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