The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease, Allan Pease Page A
Authors: Barbara Pease, Allan Pease
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suddenly looking down at your hand to see what you are doing.
Touch Their Hand, Too
Another study involved librarians who, as they issued a book to a borrower, lightly brushed the hand of the person borrowing the book. Outside the library, the borrowers were surveyed and asked questions about their impressions of the service thelibrary offered. Those who had been touched responded more favorably to all questions asked and were more likely to recall the name of the librarian. Studies conducted in British supermarkets where customers are lightly touched on the hand when they received their change show similar positive customer reactions. The same experiment has also been conducted in the U.S.A. with waitresses who derive much of their income from customer tips. The elbow-and-hand-touching waitresses made 36 percent more tips from male diners than nontouching waitresses and male waiters increased their earnings by 22 percent regardless of which sex they touched.
When you next meet someone new and you shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard it correctly, and watch their reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember their name through repetition.
Elbow- and hand-touching—when done discreetly—grabs attention, reinforces a comment, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable, and creates positive impressions on everyone.
Summary
It makes no difference how you look at it, any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative and the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms because, for example, you have a backache, an observer will still unconsciously perceive you as closed to their ideas. Make a decision now to practice
not
crossing your arms and in the following chapters we will show you what to do to project a more positive, confident image.
Chapter 5
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
How would a Brit, a German, or an American interpret this gesture?
Imagine this scene—you are inspecting a house with the possibility of purchasing it and you open a bathroom door to see a woman sitting naked in a bathtub. How would you expect the surprised woman to react? A British or American woman would cover her breasts with one hand and her genitals with the other, while a Swedish woman would cover only her genitals. A Muslim woman would cover her face; a Sumatran woman would cover her knees; and a Samoan, only her navel.
We Were Having Pizza at the Time
As we are writing this chapter, we are in Venice, Italy, speaking at a conference on cultural differences. If we had never traveled to Italy, we would have been shocked by what we'd experienced. All cultures walk on the same side of the pavement as they drive on the road. This means if you're British, Australian, South African, or a New Zealander, you drive and walk to the left. The consequence is that you'd find the Italians constantly bumping into you as you walk on the pavement because, as theyapproach and you step to your left, they step to their right. Wearing sunglasses in foreign countries is the single biggest cause of pavement collisions between cultures because no one can see the other person's gaze to know which way they intend to step. But it's a novel way of meeting new and interesting foreigners.
You'd also be stunned when you go to shake hands to say good-bye to an Italian but, instead, you get a kiss on both cheeks.
“As I departed, the Italian man kissed me on both cheeks.
I was tying my shoelaces at the time.”
WOODY ALLEN
As you talk with local Italians, they seem to stand in your space, continually grabbing you, talking over the top of you, yelling, in fact, and sounding angry about everything. But these things are a normal part of everyday friendly Italian communication. Not all things in all cultures mean the
Touch Their Hand, Too
Another study involved librarians who, as they issued a book to a borrower, lightly brushed the hand of the person borrowing the book. Outside the library, the borrowers were surveyed and asked questions about their impressions of the service thelibrary offered. Those who had been touched responded more favorably to all questions asked and were more likely to recall the name of the librarian. Studies conducted in British supermarkets where customers are lightly touched on the hand when they received their change show similar positive customer reactions. The same experiment has also been conducted in the U.S.A. with waitresses who derive much of their income from customer tips. The elbow-and-hand-touching waitresses made 36 percent more tips from male diners than nontouching waitresses and male waiters increased their earnings by 22 percent regardless of which sex they touched.
When you next meet someone new and you shake hands, extend your left arm, give a light touch on their elbow or hand as you shake, repeat their name to confirm you heard it correctly, and watch their reaction. Not only does it make that person feel important, it lets you remember their name through repetition.
Elbow- and hand-touching—when done discreetly—grabs attention, reinforces a comment, underlines a concept, increases your influence over others, makes you more memorable, and creates positive impressions on everyone.
Summary
It makes no difference how you look at it, any crossing of the arms in front of the body is seen as negative and the message is as much in the mind of the receiver as the sender. Even if you fold your arms because, for example, you have a backache, an observer will still unconsciously perceive you as closed to their ideas. Make a decision now to practice
not
crossing your arms and in the following chapters we will show you what to do to project a more positive, confident image.
Chapter 5
CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
How would a Brit, a German, or an American interpret this gesture?
Imagine this scene—you are inspecting a house with the possibility of purchasing it and you open a bathroom door to see a woman sitting naked in a bathtub. How would you expect the surprised woman to react? A British or American woman would cover her breasts with one hand and her genitals with the other, while a Swedish woman would cover only her genitals. A Muslim woman would cover her face; a Sumatran woman would cover her knees; and a Samoan, only her navel.
We Were Having Pizza at the Time
As we are writing this chapter, we are in Venice, Italy, speaking at a conference on cultural differences. If we had never traveled to Italy, we would have been shocked by what we'd experienced. All cultures walk on the same side of the pavement as they drive on the road. This means if you're British, Australian, South African, or a New Zealander, you drive and walk to the left. The consequence is that you'd find the Italians constantly bumping into you as you walk on the pavement because, as theyapproach and you step to your left, they step to their right. Wearing sunglasses in foreign countries is the single biggest cause of pavement collisions between cultures because no one can see the other person's gaze to know which way they intend to step. But it's a novel way of meeting new and interesting foreigners.
You'd also be stunned when you go to shake hands to say good-bye to an Italian but, instead, you get a kiss on both cheeks.
“As I departed, the Italian man kissed me on both cheeks.
I was tying my shoelaces at the time.”
WOODY ALLEN
As you talk with local Italians, they seem to stand in your space, continually grabbing you, talking over the top of you, yelling, in fact, and sounding angry about everything. But these things are a normal part of everyday friendly Italian communication. Not all things in all cultures mean the
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