The Definitive Book of Body Language by Barbara Pease, Allan Pease
Authors: Barbara Pease, Allan Pease
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insecure person to form an almost unnoticeable arm barrier. These types of gestures are used by almost everyone and few of us are aware that we're doing them.
Flower-grasping shows self-consciousness
The Coffee Cup Barrier
Offering a refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy for gauging how the other person is receiving your offer. Where a person places their cup immediately after they take a drink is a strong indicator of whether or not they are convinced or open to what you are saying. Someone who is feeling hesitant, unsure, or negative about what they are hearing will place their cup to the opposite side of their body to form a single-arm barrier. When they are accepting of what they are hearing, they place the cup to the side of their body, showing an open or accepting attitude.
The arm barrier says no
She's now open to your ideas
Sitting with your elbows on the armrest of a chair is a position of power and conveys a strong, upright image. Humble, defeated individuals let the arms drop inside the arms of the chair, so avoid this at all times unless your goal is to appear defeated.
The Power of Touch
Touching a person with your left hand while shaking hands with your right hand can create a powerful result.
Researchers at the University of Minnesota conducted an experiment that became known as “The Phone Booth Test.” They placed a coin on the ledge of a telephone booth, then hid behind a tree and waited for an unsuspecting subject to walk in and find it. When this happened, one of the researchers would approach the subject and say, “Did you happen to see my coin in that phone booth? I need it to make another call.” Only 23 percent of the subjects admitted they had found it and gave it back.
In the second part of the study, the coin was again placed in the phone booth, but when the researchers approached the people who took it, they touched them lightly on the elbow for not longer than three seconds and inquired about the coin. This time, 68 percent admitted to having the coin, looked embarrassed and said things like, “I was looking around to try to see who owned it…”
Skillful elbow-touching can give you up to three
times the chance of getting what you want.
There are three reasons this technique works: first, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body; second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries so it creates an impression; and third, a light, three-second elbow touch creates a momentary bondbetween two people. When we replicated this experiment for a television program, we found the coin return rate varied from culture to culture depending on what the normal touch frequency was in a particular place. For example, with elbow-touching, the coin was returned by 72 percent of Australians, 70 percent of English, 85 percent of Germans, 50 percent of French, and 22 percent of Italians. This result shows how the elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is
not
the cultural norm. We have recorded the touch frequencies between people in outdoor cafés in many of the countries we regularly visit and noted 220 touches an hour in Rome, 142 per hour in Paris, 25 touches an hour in Sydney, 4 per hour in New York, and 0 per hour in London. This confirms that the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful an elbow touch will be on you.
If you're of German or British origin,
you're an easier touch than everyone else.
Overall, we found that women were four times more likely to touch another woman than was a man to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger
above
or
below
the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the elbow and often received negative reactions. Touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response, with the person
Flower-grasping shows self-consciousness
The Coffee Cup Barrier
Offering a refreshment during a negotiation is an excellent strategy for gauging how the other person is receiving your offer. Where a person places their cup immediately after they take a drink is a strong indicator of whether or not they are convinced or open to what you are saying. Someone who is feeling hesitant, unsure, or negative about what they are hearing will place their cup to the opposite side of their body to form a single-arm barrier. When they are accepting of what they are hearing, they place the cup to the side of their body, showing an open or accepting attitude.
The arm barrier says no
She's now open to your ideas
Sitting with your elbows on the armrest of a chair is a position of power and conveys a strong, upright image. Humble, defeated individuals let the arms drop inside the arms of the chair, so avoid this at all times unless your goal is to appear defeated.
The Power of Touch
Touching a person with your left hand while shaking hands with your right hand can create a powerful result.
Researchers at the University of Minnesota conducted an experiment that became known as “The Phone Booth Test.” They placed a coin on the ledge of a telephone booth, then hid behind a tree and waited for an unsuspecting subject to walk in and find it. When this happened, one of the researchers would approach the subject and say, “Did you happen to see my coin in that phone booth? I need it to make another call.” Only 23 percent of the subjects admitted they had found it and gave it back.
In the second part of the study, the coin was again placed in the phone booth, but when the researchers approached the people who took it, they touched them lightly on the elbow for not longer than three seconds and inquired about the coin. This time, 68 percent admitted to having the coin, looked embarrassed and said things like, “I was looking around to try to see who owned it…”
Skillful elbow-touching can give you up to three
times the chance of getting what you want.
There are three reasons this technique works: first, the elbow is considered a public space and is far away from intimate parts of the body; second, touching a stranger is not considered acceptable in most countries so it creates an impression; and third, a light, three-second elbow touch creates a momentary bondbetween two people. When we replicated this experiment for a television program, we found the coin return rate varied from culture to culture depending on what the normal touch frequency was in a particular place. For example, with elbow-touching, the coin was returned by 72 percent of Australians, 70 percent of English, 85 percent of Germans, 50 percent of French, and 22 percent of Italians. This result shows how the elbow touch works better in places where frequent touching is
not
the cultural norm. We have recorded the touch frequencies between people in outdoor cafés in many of the countries we regularly visit and noted 220 touches an hour in Rome, 142 per hour in Paris, 25 touches an hour in Sydney, 4 per hour in New York, and 0 per hour in London. This confirms that the more British or German your heritage, the less likely you are to touch others and, therefore, the more successful an elbow touch will be on you.
If you're of German or British origin,
you're an easier touch than everyone else.
Overall, we found that women were four times more likely to touch another woman than was a man to touch another man. In many places, touching a stranger
above
or
below
the elbow did not produce the same positive results as with directly touching the elbow and often received negative reactions. Touching for more than three seconds also received a negative response, with the person
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