entered the elevator. “I can’t—” I couldn’t believe I was about to say this, “I can’t be in a relationship with you. Please let me go.”
I saw the shocked expression on his face as the elevator closed between us. Tears began to fall down my face as I found myself yet again in this elevator in tears. I sobbed uncontrollably as the elevator took me down to the lobby.
Pain engulfed me and I found myself spiraling down a darkness that I had tried to escape a long time ago. A darkness that would be forever a part of my past, forever a part of me. I had thought that there was nothing Des could do or say that would make me give Brandon to her. Not when Brandon still loved me.
But I was wrong. So wrong. I hadn’t expected my past to be on her side.
***
It was raining heavily when I got outside. Yet, I ran out of the bu ilding and into the night, embracing the cold rain that hit my skin. The wind blew through my hair, moving it violently in the air, as if it had a mind of its own.
I ran. Away from him, away from the pain, and away from the reality of what just happened—the reality that Brandon and I could never be. My lungs burned with exhaustion, and my feet ached as my stilettos pounded against the wet pavement.
Then I heard his voice through the downpour of rain. I turned around right as his hand grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop.
“Emma, stop! I am not going to let you run away from me like this. Not again. I will not lose you over this,” he shouted.
“You already have, Brandon,” I yelled over the rain that pounded down on us. “We can never be together. You’re going to be a father. I can not take that away from an unborn child. I just can’t.”
“Emma, I don’t understand. I will be there for the baby, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together. That doesn’t make sense. Why does it matter?”
“It just does,” I cried. I have kept this secret locked away since the day my mom told me years ago. How could I tell anyone now?
“ It should not matter, Emma. I love you. I did not cheat on you. I am not with Des. Even if we weren’t together, I am not going to date Des. We broke up many years ago for a reason. A baby doesn’t change that.”
I shook my head violently as I sobbed.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “I’m telling you right now, it will not change a thing between us. I love you and I want to be with you !”
I pushed Brandon away from me. Being in his arms made things that much more painful. It was a reminder of what I couldn’t have.
“But it does change us, Brandon! It changes EVERYTHING! She’s won! She had won before I even moved here. Before I was even in the picture. She had won the day you guys slept together and she got pregnant!”
Saying the words aloud made m y heart ache. It ached with so much intensity, I thought I was going to die. At this moment, I wanted to die. To no longer feel any of this pain that crushed against my chest.
“Emma, you’ re shivering and you’re completely soaked. Please, let’s just go back inside and talk things through.” His voice was desperate and pleading.
“I can’t, Brandon. We can’t be together. There’s nothing you can say that will change that,” I choked out.
“Why? I don’t understand. Do you not love me?”
I looked up at him, surprised that he would even ask that. “Of course I do.”
“Then what is it? Why can’t we be together? Are you mad at me for what I’ve done?”
“ I am, but that’s not it. It has nothing to do with you. It’s me. I just can’t,” I cried. I didn’t want him to know the one thing that I was ashamed of.
“ No, Emma,” he said forcefully. “That’s not good enough. I will not let you do this again. I will not allow you to run away and shut me out. You can’t tell me you love me and then tell me we can’t be together. I know you’re upset with me, but what happened between Des and I was before anything really happened between us.
I saw the shocked expression on his face as the elevator closed between us. Tears began to fall down my face as I found myself yet again in this elevator in tears. I sobbed uncontrollably as the elevator took me down to the lobby.
Pain engulfed me and I found myself spiraling down a darkness that I had tried to escape a long time ago. A darkness that would be forever a part of my past, forever a part of me. I had thought that there was nothing Des could do or say that would make me give Brandon to her. Not when Brandon still loved me.
But I was wrong. So wrong. I hadn’t expected my past to be on her side.
***
It was raining heavily when I got outside. Yet, I ran out of the bu ilding and into the night, embracing the cold rain that hit my skin. The wind blew through my hair, moving it violently in the air, as if it had a mind of its own.
I ran. Away from him, away from the pain, and away from the reality of what just happened—the reality that Brandon and I could never be. My lungs burned with exhaustion, and my feet ached as my stilettos pounded against the wet pavement.
Then I heard his voice through the downpour of rain. I turned around right as his hand grabbed my arm and pulled me to a stop.
“Emma, stop! I am not going to let you run away from me like this. Not again. I will not lose you over this,” he shouted.
“You already have, Brandon,” I yelled over the rain that pounded down on us. “We can never be together. You’re going to be a father. I can not take that away from an unborn child. I just can’t.”
“Emma, I don’t understand. I will be there for the baby, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be together. That doesn’t make sense. Why does it matter?”
“It just does,” I cried. I have kept this secret locked away since the day my mom told me years ago. How could I tell anyone now?
“ It should not matter, Emma. I love you. I did not cheat on you. I am not with Des. Even if we weren’t together, I am not going to date Des. We broke up many years ago for a reason. A baby doesn’t change that.”
I shook my head violently as I sobbed.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. “I’m telling you right now, it will not change a thing between us. I love you and I want to be with you !”
I pushed Brandon away from me. Being in his arms made things that much more painful. It was a reminder of what I couldn’t have.
“But it does change us, Brandon! It changes EVERYTHING! She’s won! She had won before I even moved here. Before I was even in the picture. She had won the day you guys slept together and she got pregnant!”
Saying the words aloud made m y heart ache. It ached with so much intensity, I thought I was going to die. At this moment, I wanted to die. To no longer feel any of this pain that crushed against my chest.
“Emma, you’ re shivering and you’re completely soaked. Please, let’s just go back inside and talk things through.” His voice was desperate and pleading.
“I can’t, Brandon. We can’t be together. There’s nothing you can say that will change that,” I choked out.
“Why? I don’t understand. Do you not love me?”
I looked up at him, surprised that he would even ask that. “Of course I do.”
“Then what is it? Why can’t we be together? Are you mad at me for what I’ve done?”
“ I am, but that’s not it. It has nothing to do with you. It’s me. I just can’t,” I cried. I didn’t want him to know the one thing that I was ashamed of.
“ No, Emma,” he said forcefully. “That’s not good enough. I will not let you do this again. I will not allow you to run away and shut me out. You can’t tell me you love me and then tell me we can’t be together. I know you’re upset with me, but what happened between Des and I was before anything really happened between us.
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