the understanding in Brandon’s eyes. “I see. So … you’re ending our relationship because you don’t want to interfere with the relationship I will have with my child?”
I nodded. “I don’t expect you to completely understand my reasoning, but I know what it’s like to have a father that didn’t love you enough to stay in your life. A father who abandoned you and never looked back. It is devastating. I can’t do that to an innocent child.”
“But … Emma, you know me. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t abandon a child like that. I’ll take responsibility for the child. But that doesn’t mean I have to be with Des. I want to be with you.”
I sighed. I know what he said made complete sense, but this was something I felt strongly about. “I just can’t, Brandon. I swore to myself I would never be the other woman. The woman my father left me for. Yet, here I am. I am that woman. I just can’t do that. I can’t be the other woman.”
“Emma, I’m so sorry for fucking things up and making such a mess out of everything. I’m sorry for lying about it initially. But I think we can still work through this. I know it’s a lot to take in right now. I think you just need some time to think about things. Please just don’t give up on us. Please.”
I looked into him pleading eyes and my heart broke. I knew I couldn’t be with him. I would be becoming the person I hate for so long—the other woman who took my father away from me. I could not do that to an innocent child. I knew it was irrational to think this way, but I thought this way nonetheless.
“I’m sorry, Brandon. I just can’t. I need to go now.” Sadness overwhelmed me at the thought of letting him go, but I knew that the longer I stayed with him, the harder it would be.
“Emma,” he held onto me, his grip firm and unwavering. “I love you. Please know that I have made a lot of mistakes with us, but telling you that I love you was not one of them. Please hold on to that. Just think about it.”
I nodded. I didn’t mean it, but I couldn’t see him hurt anymore. I saw a cab approaching and I raised my arm to hail it down.
“Goodbye, Brandon.” I gave him one last hug, holding in all my feelings inside.
“Emma … please think about it, ” he whispered in my ear.
I got into the cab without saying another word. I waved a goodbye to him as the car pulled away. He stood there, looking at me in shock.
When he was finally out of sight, I sobbed. I sobbed for everything I just lost. I sobbed for everything I will never have.
***
By the time the cab dropped me off at my place, I was drenched and cold. My body felt numb. My emotions were all over the place, and I was not myself. The initial anger I had felt when Brandon told me about everything he was hiding had returned.
How could he have had sex with Des? Was he lying to me now when he says he has no feelings for her? Could you really stop loving someone after loving them for eight years? After they were there for you? After they pulled you out of the depths of a tragedy? Could you not love someone who is the mother of your child?
I felt my thoughts spinning out of control. I shook my head violently, trying to stop the thoughts from circling in my mind. “Does it even matter? I can never be with him. Does it even fucking matter?” I cried out loud. I was filled with rage at this point. I was angry at Brandon, angry at Des, and angry at my father.
In frustration, I threw my purse across the room; it hit against the edge of the coffee table and the contents spewed out onto the floor.
Of the contents, a thin piece of paper caught my attention—the thin paper coaster with Damian’s number on it.
Without thinking, I ran over and picked up the coaster. I didn’t know why, but at this moment, I felt reckless. I felt irrational. A part of me wanted to hurt Brandon the way he had hurt me. The other part of me just wanted all the pain to go away, no matter the consequences. All
I nodded. “I don’t expect you to completely understand my reasoning, but I know what it’s like to have a father that didn’t love you enough to stay in your life. A father who abandoned you and never looked back. It is devastating. I can’t do that to an innocent child.”
“But … Emma, you know me. I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t abandon a child like that. I’ll take responsibility for the child. But that doesn’t mean I have to be with Des. I want to be with you.”
I sighed. I know what he said made complete sense, but this was something I felt strongly about. “I just can’t, Brandon. I swore to myself I would never be the other woman. The woman my father left me for. Yet, here I am. I am that woman. I just can’t do that. I can’t be the other woman.”
“Emma, I’m so sorry for fucking things up and making such a mess out of everything. I’m sorry for lying about it initially. But I think we can still work through this. I know it’s a lot to take in right now. I think you just need some time to think about things. Please just don’t give up on us. Please.”
I looked into him pleading eyes and my heart broke. I knew I couldn’t be with him. I would be becoming the person I hate for so long—the other woman who took my father away from me. I could not do that to an innocent child. I knew it was irrational to think this way, but I thought this way nonetheless.
“I’m sorry, Brandon. I just can’t. I need to go now.” Sadness overwhelmed me at the thought of letting him go, but I knew that the longer I stayed with him, the harder it would be.
“Emma,” he held onto me, his grip firm and unwavering. “I love you. Please know that I have made a lot of mistakes with us, but telling you that I love you was not one of them. Please hold on to that. Just think about it.”
I nodded. I didn’t mean it, but I couldn’t see him hurt anymore. I saw a cab approaching and I raised my arm to hail it down.
“Goodbye, Brandon.” I gave him one last hug, holding in all my feelings inside.
“Emma … please think about it, ” he whispered in my ear.
I got into the cab without saying another word. I waved a goodbye to him as the car pulled away. He stood there, looking at me in shock.
When he was finally out of sight, I sobbed. I sobbed for everything I just lost. I sobbed for everything I will never have.
***
By the time the cab dropped me off at my place, I was drenched and cold. My body felt numb. My emotions were all over the place, and I was not myself. The initial anger I had felt when Brandon told me about everything he was hiding had returned.
How could he have had sex with Des? Was he lying to me now when he says he has no feelings for her? Could you really stop loving someone after loving them for eight years? After they were there for you? After they pulled you out of the depths of a tragedy? Could you not love someone who is the mother of your child?
I felt my thoughts spinning out of control. I shook my head violently, trying to stop the thoughts from circling in my mind. “Does it even matter? I can never be with him. Does it even fucking matter?” I cried out loud. I was filled with rage at this point. I was angry at Brandon, angry at Des, and angry at my father.
In frustration, I threw my purse across the room; it hit against the edge of the coffee table and the contents spewed out onto the floor.
Of the contents, a thin piece of paper caught my attention—the thin paper coaster with Damian’s number on it.
Without thinking, I ran over and picked up the coaster. I didn’t know why, but at this moment, I felt reckless. I felt irrational. A part of me wanted to hurt Brandon the way he had hurt me. The other part of me just wanted all the pain to go away, no matter the consequences. All
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