up them and into the darkness.
He shivered and looked around in the gloom of theporch, but everything was just as shabby and run-down inside as it was outside. The wallpaper was ripped, gravel and dust covered the wooden floors, all the furniture was gone. There was no trace of the renovation he and Katrine had made a start on.
He could hear noises from several of the rooms.
From the kitchen came the murmur of voices and scraping noises.
Joakim walked along the corridor and stopped in the doorway.
At the kitchen table sat Livia and Gabriel, bent over a game of cards. His children were still small, but their faces had a network of fine wrinkles around the mouth and eyes.
Is Mom home?
asked Joakim.
Livia nodded.
She’s in the barn
.
She lives in the hayloft in the barn
, said Gabriel.
Joakim nodded and backed slowly out of the kitchen. His children stayed where they were, in silence.
He went back outside, across the grass-covered inner courtyard, and pushed open the door of the barn.
Hello?
There was no reply, but he went in anyway.
At the steep wooden staircase leading up to the hayloft, he stopped. Then he began to climb. The steps were cold and damp.
When he got to the top, he couldn’t see any hay, just pools of water on the wooden floor.
Katrine was standing over by the wall, with her back to him. She was wearing her white nightgown, but it was soaking wet.
Are you cold? he
asked.
She shook her head without turning around.
What happened down by the shore?
Don’t ask
, she said, and slowly began to sink through the gaps in the wooden floor.
Joakim walked over to her.
Mom-mee?
called a voice in the distance.
Katrine stood motionless by the wall.
Livia has woken up
, she said.
You need to take care of her, Kim
.
Joakim woke up in his bedroom with a start.
The sound that had woken him up was no dream. It was Livia calling out.
“Mom-mee?”
He opened his eyes in the darkness, but stayed in bed. Alone.
Everything was silent once again.
The clock by the side of the bed was showing quarter past three. Joakim was certain he had fallen asleep just a few minutes ago—and yet the dream about Katrine had lasted an eternity.
He closed his eyes. If he stayed where he was and didn’t do anything, perhaps Livia would go back to sleep.
Like a reply the call echoed through the house once more:
“Mom-mee?”
After that he knew it was pointless to stay in bed. Livia was awake and wouldn’t stop calling until her mother came in and lay down beside her.
Joakim sat up slowly and switched on the lamp on the bedside table. The house was cold, and he felt a crippling loneliness.
“Mom-mee?”
He knew he had to take care of the children. He didn’t want to, he didn’t have the strength, but there was no one else to share the responsibility with.
He left his warm bed and moved quietly out of his bedroom and over to Livia’s room.
She raised her head when he bent over her bed. He stroked her forehead, without saying anything.
“Mommy?” she mumbled.
“No, it’s just me,” he said. “Go to sleep now, Livia.”
She didn’t reply, but sank slowly back onto her pillow.
Joakim stood there in the darkness until she was breathing evenly again.
He took a step backward, then another. Then he turned toward the door.
“Don’t go, Daddy.”
Her clear voice made him stop dead on the cold floor.
She had sounded wide awake, despite the fact that she was lying in bed like a motionless shadow. He turned slowly to face her.
“Why not?” he asked quietly.
“Stay here,” said Livia.
Joakim didn’t reply. He held his breath and listened. She had sounded awake, but he still thought it seemed as if she were asleep.
When he had been standing there, silent and motionless, for a minute or so, he began to feel like a blind man in the dark room.
“Livia?” he whispered.
He got no answer, but her breathing was tense and irregular. He knew she would soon call out for him again.
An idea suddenly came
He shivered and looked around in the gloom of theporch, but everything was just as shabby and run-down inside as it was outside. The wallpaper was ripped, gravel and dust covered the wooden floors, all the furniture was gone. There was no trace of the renovation he and Katrine had made a start on.
He could hear noises from several of the rooms.
From the kitchen came the murmur of voices and scraping noises.
Joakim walked along the corridor and stopped in the doorway.
At the kitchen table sat Livia and Gabriel, bent over a game of cards. His children were still small, but their faces had a network of fine wrinkles around the mouth and eyes.
Is Mom home?
asked Joakim.
Livia nodded.
She’s in the barn
.
She lives in the hayloft in the barn
, said Gabriel.
Joakim nodded and backed slowly out of the kitchen. His children stayed where they were, in silence.
He went back outside, across the grass-covered inner courtyard, and pushed open the door of the barn.
Hello?
There was no reply, but he went in anyway.
At the steep wooden staircase leading up to the hayloft, he stopped. Then he began to climb. The steps were cold and damp.
When he got to the top, he couldn’t see any hay, just pools of water on the wooden floor.
Katrine was standing over by the wall, with her back to him. She was wearing her white nightgown, but it was soaking wet.
Are you cold? he
asked.
She shook her head without turning around.
What happened down by the shore?
Don’t ask
, she said, and slowly began to sink through the gaps in the wooden floor.
Joakim walked over to her.
Mom-mee?
called a voice in the distance.
Katrine stood motionless by the wall.
Livia has woken up
, she said.
You need to take care of her, Kim
.
Joakim woke up in his bedroom with a start.
The sound that had woken him up was no dream. It was Livia calling out.
“Mom-mee?”
He opened his eyes in the darkness, but stayed in bed. Alone.
Everything was silent once again.
The clock by the side of the bed was showing quarter past three. Joakim was certain he had fallen asleep just a few minutes ago—and yet the dream about Katrine had lasted an eternity.
He closed his eyes. If he stayed where he was and didn’t do anything, perhaps Livia would go back to sleep.
Like a reply the call echoed through the house once more:
“Mom-mee?”
After that he knew it was pointless to stay in bed. Livia was awake and wouldn’t stop calling until her mother came in and lay down beside her.
Joakim sat up slowly and switched on the lamp on the bedside table. The house was cold, and he felt a crippling loneliness.
“Mom-mee?”
He knew he had to take care of the children. He didn’t want to, he didn’t have the strength, but there was no one else to share the responsibility with.
He left his warm bed and moved quietly out of his bedroom and over to Livia’s room.
She raised her head when he bent over her bed. He stroked her forehead, without saying anything.
“Mommy?” she mumbled.
“No, it’s just me,” he said. “Go to sleep now, Livia.”
She didn’t reply, but sank slowly back onto her pillow.
Joakim stood there in the darkness until she was breathing evenly again.
He took a step backward, then another. Then he turned toward the door.
“Don’t go, Daddy.”
Her clear voice made him stop dead on the cold floor.
She had sounded wide awake, despite the fact that she was lying in bed like a motionless shadow. He turned slowly to face her.
“Why not?” he asked quietly.
“Stay here,” said Livia.
Joakim didn’t reply. He held his breath and listened. She had sounded awake, but he still thought it seemed as if she were asleep.
When he had been standing there, silent and motionless, for a minute or so, he began to feel like a blind man in the dark room.
“Livia?” he whispered.
He got no answer, but her breathing was tense and irregular. He knew she would soon call out for him again.
An idea suddenly came
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