goes back knocking on doors to collect
the loot.
See On the Knocker
SWAG
----
Swag is the proceeds of
crime, or fake, shoddy or illegal goods sold to unsuspecting punters. The letters
stand for ‘Sold Without A Guarantee’, and the term has long been a fixture in the
lexicon of the illegal street trader. It has also come into usage as an insult, as
in ‘That car you drive is a load of old swag’ or ‘This meal is fucking swag’. Many
people who go on the knocker will be selling swag to unsuspecting
punters.
See Have it
up! , Hedge , Toby
INTERLUDE
----
5. Get Your Strides On,
Chummy, You’re Nicked!
In recent years the reputation of the
British police force among the general public has become somewhat tarnished, to say
the least. Gone are those halcyon days of bobbies on bicycles,
armed only with a stout truncheon, of fine, upstanding men and women you could ask
for directions or even the time of day – the modern-day British copper is dressed in more body armour than RoboCop, barely steps outside of his
car or armoured vehicle, carries a sub-machine gun and is more likely to shoot you,
beat you up or plant evidence on you than give you the time of day. But even back in
the so-called good old days the police had a terrible reputation for violence,
bribery and corruption – though it was only really known by professional criminals,
hence the criminal motto (found on many a cell wall or tattooed villain) ‘All
Coppers Are Bastards’ (or ACAB for short). Let’s not be too
harsh on the boys in blue, though; the majority of police officers are still decent,
hardworking, honest people who do a great job.
When you take up crime as a profession
you will inevitably go up against the police at some stage – unless, that is, you
are some kind of ‘super-crook’, a criminal genius who commits only perfect crimes. I
have never met or heard of such a crook, but then, I suppose if any did exist, by
definition no one ever would find them out! So, let’s assume that the majority of
criminals are not super-crooks and will come to the attention of the police at some
point. The first thing you’ll learn is that just as you, the criminal, do not play
by the rules, neither do the police. A law-abiding citizen might be quite shocked to
receive a few digs from a policeman, should they be unlucky or careless enough to
get arrested. They might also find it shocking when policeofficers
blatantly lie on oath and rearrange the evidence to make you look guilty, or pull
you to one side and tell you that if you ‘make a contribution’ (offer a bribe) the
worst of the evidence against you can ‘disappear’. But, to professional criminals,
that kind of behaviour from the police is standard and expected. Personally, I’ve
been more shocked when, on rare occasions, I’ve been dealt with by a ‘straight’
copper who is only interested in truth and justice.
I’ve had many dealings with the police
over the years and I feature very prominently on the PNC (Police National Computer),
but it always amuses me when I get stopped by uniformed officers for a ‘routine
check’ when I’m walking or driving (usually around South London). They start off
politely enough – ‘Excuse me, sir, is this your car?’ But when they run my details
through the PNC I suddenly cease to be ‘sir’ and become ‘sunshine’! It’s ‘All right,
sunshine. Where do you think you’re going?’. It’s amazing how the thin veneer of
respect shown by police to the ordinary man on the street leaches away when they
find out you have a criminal record. I’ve witnessed many incidents of corruption,
racism and brutality from the police over my three decades as a criminal, as well as
a great big dollop of stupidity.
Some years ago I was working a con
called the credit game, which involves using false ID to obtain goods from shops on
credit and having no intention
the loot.
See On the Knocker
SWAG
----
Swag is the proceeds of
crime, or fake, shoddy or illegal goods sold to unsuspecting punters. The letters
stand for ‘Sold Without A Guarantee’, and the term has long been a fixture in the
lexicon of the illegal street trader. It has also come into usage as an insult, as
in ‘That car you drive is a load of old swag’ or ‘This meal is fucking swag’. Many
people who go on the knocker will be selling swag to unsuspecting
punters.
See Have it
up! , Hedge , Toby
INTERLUDE
----
5. Get Your Strides On,
Chummy, You’re Nicked!
In recent years the reputation of the
British police force among the general public has become somewhat tarnished, to say
the least. Gone are those halcyon days of bobbies on bicycles,
armed only with a stout truncheon, of fine, upstanding men and women you could ask
for directions or even the time of day – the modern-day British copper is dressed in more body armour than RoboCop, barely steps outside of his
car or armoured vehicle, carries a sub-machine gun and is more likely to shoot you,
beat you up or plant evidence on you than give you the time of day. But even back in
the so-called good old days the police had a terrible reputation for violence,
bribery and corruption – though it was only really known by professional criminals,
hence the criminal motto (found on many a cell wall or tattooed villain) ‘All
Coppers Are Bastards’ (or ACAB for short). Let’s not be too
harsh on the boys in blue, though; the majority of police officers are still decent,
hardworking, honest people who do a great job.
When you take up crime as a profession
you will inevitably go up against the police at some stage – unless, that is, you
are some kind of ‘super-crook’, a criminal genius who commits only perfect crimes. I
have never met or heard of such a crook, but then, I suppose if any did exist, by
definition no one ever would find them out! So, let’s assume that the majority of
criminals are not super-crooks and will come to the attention of the police at some
point. The first thing you’ll learn is that just as you, the criminal, do not play
by the rules, neither do the police. A law-abiding citizen might be quite shocked to
receive a few digs from a policeman, should they be unlucky or careless enough to
get arrested. They might also find it shocking when policeofficers
blatantly lie on oath and rearrange the evidence to make you look guilty, or pull
you to one side and tell you that if you ‘make a contribution’ (offer a bribe) the
worst of the evidence against you can ‘disappear’. But, to professional criminals,
that kind of behaviour from the police is standard and expected. Personally, I’ve
been more shocked when, on rare occasions, I’ve been dealt with by a ‘straight’
copper who is only interested in truth and justice.
I’ve had many dealings with the police
over the years and I feature very prominently on the PNC (Police National Computer),
but it always amuses me when I get stopped by uniformed officers for a ‘routine
check’ when I’m walking or driving (usually around South London). They start off
politely enough – ‘Excuse me, sir, is this your car?’ But when they run my details
through the PNC I suddenly cease to be ‘sir’ and become ‘sunshine’! It’s ‘All right,
sunshine. Where do you think you’re going?’. It’s amazing how the thin veneer of
respect shown by police to the ordinary man on the street leaches away when they
find out you have a criminal record. I’ve witnessed many incidents of corruption,
racism and brutality from the police over my three decades as a criminal, as well as
a great big dollop of stupidity.
Some years ago I was working a con
called the credit game, which involves using false ID to obtain goods from shops on
credit and having no intention
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