The Complete Roderick by John Sladek Page A

patted his moustache. ‘I mean it’s always “wait a minute” with me, right? Always okay if I just hang around – okay, okay I’m going.’
    When he was alone, Dan shuffled the two piles into one. When the men in orange returned, he said:
    ‘Would you guys do me a favour?’
    The black one looked suspicious. ‘What favour?’
    Dan pointed to the little door in the wall marked RECYCLING, PAPER ONLY. ‘The chute in here is blocked or something. Would you drop this stuff in somebody else’s chute?’
    ‘Yeah, okay prof.’
    ‘Is that you, Dr Fong?’
    ‘Grrrp.’
    ‘Oh, very funny. You won’t feel like making funny noises when you hear what I’ve got to say. This is Dr George Tarr. I think you know the name.’
    ‘Grrrrrupf.’
    ‘Just keep it up, keep it up. I’m recording this, you – you – now listen, I’m very disappointed about the way you finagled this committee vote.
Very
disappointed.’
    ‘Grrp.
Excuse me it’s my stom –’
    ‘As a matter of fact I’ve just called my lawyer and he says we have a good case against you. Hear that? A good case.’
    ‘But I don’t know what you –
errrp –
excuse –’
    ‘Because I happen to know there were six members of the committee firmly committed to
my
project, and only three on your side. So the only way you could have got a vote eight-seven in your favour was to
sabotage
the whole system. I don’t know what you did, maybe something to the computer, but you won’t get away with it. I just called up to tell you – we
know.’
    ‘Know?
Mmgrrpl.’
    ‘Under the Freedom of Information Act we have access to the computer too, you know. And I have the printout right here in front of me. I have
the facts and figures!’
    ‘Don’t know what you’re talk –’
    ‘Don’t you? A fix, that’s what I’m talking about, a fix! Because how else do you explain it – only three out of fifteen people actually wanted your damned robot – twice as many people wanted my project – yet you won! I don’t know whether you bought votes or fixed the comp – but I mean to find out. See you in court, Doctor Fong!’
    University of Minnetonka Special Emergency Finance Committee Voting Record Part 189077
Number of Cttee memb
=18
Quorum
=12
Number Present
=15
Casting Vote Inoperative Number Votes Cast
=15
Preference Indicators:
F: Fong (Proj Roderick)
T: Tarr (Proj Ripoff)
O: Neither (No Award)
No.
Pref.
Rank
Ballot I
Ballot II
O
F/T
F
T
o
F
FTO
–
o
o
–
3
F
FOT
–
3
3
–
o
T
TFO
–
o
–
o
6
T
TOT
–
6
–
6
5
O
OFT
5
–
5
–
1
O
OTF
1
–
–
1
    15 Votes Total
No Award
6
Fong
8
Tarr
7
    Today the stain on the door looked to Ben Franklin like a Portuguese man-o’-war. ‘You’re not going to let a little thing like that worry you, Christ, I wish he would take us to court. Laugh him off the faculty.’
    Fong crunched an antacid tablet and blinked. ‘Tarr, no, he doesn’t worry me. Only it’s just one more little piece of aggravation …’
    ‘Relax, I’ve seen the printout on that too. Funny part is, if Tarr hadn’t trotted out his little project Ripoff – well-named – we would’ve lost, 12 to 3. Guess you could say the psychic world has done us a favour – okay, what
is
wrong?’
    ‘Thought Dan would’ve told you himself. I’d better –
grrrp –
wait, let … let him tell you himself.’
    ‘Yeah,
wait.’
Franklin looked at the door again. Now it looked a little like a parachute, its shrouds unravelling as it descended. Funny how you could see almost anything …
    ‘Tell you one thing, I want some changes made around here. When we move, I want a whole new structure. No more of this prima donna act of his, this, well
Dan,
just talking about you. Lee says you’ve got some little problem.’
    ‘No problem.’ Dan closed the stained door and leaned against it. ‘I’m just leaving, that’s all.’
    ‘!’
    ‘I tried to talk him out of it, Ben. But if the kid wants to go –’
    ‘I don’t believe it! You – you want something? It