The Color of Rain by Cori McCarthy Page B

slipping over my shoulders, my arms, my chest. “This is not really what I had in mind. Are you forgoing the romance? The long talks and teasing caresses?”
    I clear my throat. “I want to see if you can play.”
    â€œOh, Rain.” His tone makes things shrink inside me like they’re being singed at the edges. “I’m game.”
    He unbuttons his shirt. Slides out of his pants. “To the bed?”
    â€œNo. Right here.”
    His chuckle is joyful, and I clench my teeth and squeeze my eyes against it. He wraps an arm around my waist and braces me against the window. His body is so firm—I wait for the warmth from within that I felt before, but it doesn’t come.
    Be soft!
    â€œI don’t know what to do.” My heart slams in my paper-thin chest. “You have to show me.” He doesn’t say anything, and I grip the window ledge, my fingernails throbbing as they grind the metal. “You’re going to have to help me.”
    Why won’t he answer?
    â€œJohnny.”
    â€œShhh,” he says. “First rule, you don’t have sex with your head turned on. Actually, that’s the only rule.”
    I believe him. Maybe I have to. I give in to his kissing and pressing. My legs relax so terribly slowly . . . like ice thawing against his heat.
    I am here. And this is . . .
    Pain streaks up from my insides, clawing all the way to my mind.
    Happening .

CHAPTER
10
    W hen Johnny lets go, I slip down the window. My hips tip like they’ve been realigned, and he laughs. “That’s always a favorite part.” He holds an arm out, and I brace myself on it to keep from falling to my knees. “You’ve got your Void legs now, Rain.”
    I watch him dress.
    My own clothes are too far away.
    â€œYour first time and standing. I knew you weren’t going to disappoint me.” He fastens his pants.
    I have to swallow twice before my words will come. “Can I see my brother now?”
    â€œTomorrow. Ben will need to take you, and he’s on his night duties.” His brown eyes are too lively. “I’m hungry. You?”
    â€œNo.” I may never eat again.
    â€œSuit yourself.” He leans in to kiss me, and after what we just did, I’m surprised to find his lips intimate. He presses his face against mine for a moment. “I can still be a gentleman,” he says like he’s trying to convince himself. He locks eyes with me. “Thank you. I enjoyed that.”
    I don’t quite believe it when the door shuts, when I realize it’sover, and he’s gone.
    â€œYou’re welcome.”
    I pull on my clothes and lean against the window. His body raged so hot against mine that it seemed to burn an impression of him into my back. I relish the cool of the pane, hoping the window can put the fire out.
    Sparks and stars? How could I have been such a fool? The only spark between Johnny and me is the jolt of his needs. And what I need now is the strength of my family, or what’s left of it. I need my brother.
    Tomorrow , Johnny had said. Well, I can’t wait.

    My legs ache as I amble out the door, and the little bit of blood that left me makes my pants stick to my thighs. Still, I keep going.
    The hallway light is dim, set low for night, and it draws spiky shadows down the walls. The Family Room’s lights are off altogether, and I creep around the sleeping girls to the corner window where Ben resides. I pull back a curtain and find his boots at face level. His legs slide up and down on the wall for balance while his arms lift his body in a series of vertical push-ups.
    â€œWow,” I say. “That’s intense.”
    He kicks down, and I duck out of the way of his swinging legs. “On this ship, it’s too easy to go soft,” he says through pants. “You’ve got to . . . to try.” He peels his sweaty shirt over his head and uses it to wipe his face. I look to the window to