The Color of Rain by Cori McCarthy Page A

“He’s given me strict orders. Not until after.”
    â€œThat freaky bastard!”
    â€œ Shhh! Keep it down.” He glances at his com. “Always assume there are security cameras everywhere.”
    â€œThe security system that you fixed.” My tone reveals my doubt.
    Ben looks at me strangely. “I forgot you were there for that. Yeah, I fixed it.”
    â€œSo . . .” I look around. “We’re on camera now?”
    He opens his mouth, but then closes it. “Always assume there are cameras,” he repeats. “Unless I tell you otherwise. I shouldn’t even be talking to you right now, but I turned them off. I wanted to explain about the other night.”
    â€œBut you haven’t explained. You’ve pretty much just told me that you can’t explain.” I pause. “Who’s side are you on?”
    â€œThere are no sides. It’s every man for himself in the Void. You do what you have to do to survive. You take what you want. Even Johnny lives by that rule.” He pauses. “Especially Johnny.”
    I touch my hair, still so smooth and clean from my bath with Lo. “He found me on purpose because of my hair.” I drop myhands to my sides. “But how? Did he just ask around until he heard that there was a ginger hanging around the pier?”
    Ben nods. “He’s made you into a weird challenge. I’ve never seen him do this before.”
    I pinch my leg. “And I’ve gone right along with it.”
    â€œYeah, but he didn’t know about your brother. About your insistence on bringing him along. Believe me, that was not in his plans.”
    â€œWill he hurt him?”
    Ben rubs the back of his neck. “Rain, if you want to best Johnny, you can’t play by his rules. They’re already fixed against you.”
    â€œBen, will he hurt my brother?”
    He shrugs. “If he doesn’t get what he wants, he can be pretty unpredictable.”
    I take a step closer. “What about Lo? And Kaya? Are they on the crew deck? Why haven’t I been able to contact them?” He shakes his head, and I snip, “You don’t know or you can’t tell me?”
    He shakes his head again and begins to back away. “Remember what I said about the cameras.”
    â€œBen,” I say, trying to bait him. “I think it’s safe to assume that you’re not on his side.”
    He shakes his head a third time. “It isn’t safe to assume anything, Rain.”

    I will not react. I will act.
    I will change the game.
    I repeat this mantra through the next day, all determination and a little excitement. And after all, it isn’t hard to slip into the captain’s quarters. It isn’t hard to strip off my clothes.
    The hard part is waiting.
    I twirl my scarlet-rimmed bracelet. It couldn’t be a worse color, so carnal. So damning. And still, I need him to want me. To go crazy with wanting me. My hands feel numb, and I rub my fingers together. Is it cold or nerves? What will I have to do with my hands?
    Will I bleed?
    I can handle the pain, I think, but what if he expects me to know what I’m doing? To touch his body and give him . . . pleasure? Other than seeing Lo at her business from a distance, I don’t know how I should lean or rock or moan. She made it look so easy, but what’s easy about letting someone inside you?
    I start to breathe too hard and slump into a naked heap of anxiety. He can’t find me like this. He’ll know in a second that I’m still forcing it.
    My thighs shake as I get back to my feet. I bury every feeling except for the stars outside the window, watching a distant planet with orange highlights: a lava planet. I blow on the glass and draw a W in the fog.
    The door opens, and I swipe the letter away with my forearm.
    â€œFull of surprises.” Even Johnny’s voice smirks. Within heartbeats, he’s standing behind me, his hands