The Billionaire Boyfriend Proposal: A Kavanagh Family Novel by Kendra Little

the army. Will you listen?"
    I nodded. "Of course. If it helps."
    "I don't know yet." He shot me a quick smile
that lacked the usual Blake Kavanagh confidence.
    I stepped aside to let him in. My bedroom was
large enough to have a reading nook with a comfortable armchair in
the bay window and a small table. Blake sat there and I climbed
back into bed, tucking my legs under the covers. A strange,
otherworldly atmosphere settled around us, maybe because my body
responded to Blake's nearness but my head said not to act on
it.
    I pulled my knees up and hugged them. "Did
you enlist straight after we…after you left my place that day?"
    He nodded. "I'd known for some time that I
had to get away. I felt like I was being pulled in all different
directions. I'm sorry, Cass. I know that explanation is never going
to make up for my sudden disappearance, but I just want you to know
it wasn't you. It was me."
    So went every break-up line ever. I'd used it
myself on the one and only guy I'd tried to seriously date in the
last eight years. I gave Blake a nod to go on. I wanted this
conversation to play out on his terms. Whether it hurt me or not,
whether it explained anything or not, it was up to him. So far, I
was underwhelmed.
    He stretched his long legs out and rubbed his
temple. "I spent a couple years here in the States at various
training facilities, did one tour in the Middle East before
deciding to aim for Special Forces. I qualified."
    "You were a Green Beret?"
    He nodded, but the rubbing of his temples
became more intense. "I've been deployed to Afghanistan and
Iraq."
    "That must have been hot, hard work."
    "It was. If I never see another desert again,
I won't mind. The winds would whip up the sand into your eyes, nose
and throat so that you felt like you were breathing it. But that
was a minor discomfort compared to the warfare."
    I leaned forward. I wanted to reach across
the space and touch his hand to comfort him, but he was too far
away and I wasn't sure I should. He seemed to lose himself in the
story, as if he were back there, remembering.
    "I won't go into the details," he said. "But
let's just say I saw many good men die. Good friends, almost as
close to me as my own brothers. One even died in my arms. Seeing
the life drain out of someone you like and respect…seeing his eyes
become vacant…" He cleared his throat.
    "Oh, Blake." Tears stung my eyes and tingled
my nose. "It's no wonder you have nightmares."
    He merely shrugged. We stayed like that,
neither speaking, for a few moments. He seemed to be lost in
thought and I was too choked to speak clearly.
    "Do you regret signing up?" I asked
eventually.
    He looked up sharply, as if my question
surprised him. The shine in his eyes rocked me. Seeing Blake
stripped of his defenses was painful. "I regret leaving you,
Cassie. I regret the way we parted."
    I swallowed heavily.
    "But as to regretting joining up…I don't
know. I made some great friends and had some happy experiences too.
I saved some lives. I don't regret that. But I couldn't save them
all and that I do regret."
    "You can't blame yourself for your friends'
deaths. That's war, Blake. You just can't save everyone."
    "I know. But knowing that doesn't stop me
wishing that I could."
    Is that why he wanted to save Robbie from a
life on the street? Was he trying to save just one more soul?
    "Being in the armed forces has changed me,
and I'm not sure it's for the good. Part of me wishes I could go
back to the days when we used to steal a kiss behind my parents'
boatshed." The ache in his voice echoed through me. "Life was
simpler then. Happier. Innocent."
    "Yeah," I managed to whisper through my tight
throat. I remembered those days too. I'd been sixteen when we first
started dating, Blake eighteen. Everyone thought I was too young
for him, but we were in love and didn't listen. We would sneak off
when no one was looking and sit on the riverbank. Hidden from both
houses, we could cuddle and kiss and explore to our hearts