The Best Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Gunslinger in the Whole Damned Galaxy by Mike Resnick

“but according to my calendar, today is the last Thursday in November."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “So?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Happy Thanksgiving!” said Mr. Ahasuerus, contorting his lips to form a smile.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  There was a momentary silence.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I’m afraid you’ve got it all wrong,” said Flint. “On Thanksgiving we slaughter innocent birds and forget to abuse Indians. Christmas is when we defoliate forests and exchange gifts."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Oh?” said the blue man, suddenly upset. “I am terribly sorry. I must have—"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Then it’s time for a new tradition,” stammered Tojo. “And I, for one, want to thank you for being so thoughtful.” He held the small package in his hand, staring at it. “What is it?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Open it up,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, his enthusiasm returning.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I will,” said the hunchback, peeling off the wrapping paper. He came to a small box and lifted the lid.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Well?” said Flint.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “It looks like a whistle,” said Tojo, holding up a small glistening object.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “It is,” said Mr. Ahasuerus, beaming like a proud parent. “It is goldplated."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Just what a ringmaster needs,” said Tojo. “It was very thoughtful of you, Mr. Ahasuerus."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “There is an inscription,” said the blue man with childlike eagerness.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Oh. I see it now,” said Tojo, holding the whistle up to the light. “ To Tojo ," he read, “ the finest barker in the galaxy. With appreciation, from the Ahasuerus and Flint Traveling Carnival and Sideshow .” The little hunchback looked up with moistened eyes. “Thank you,” he said sincerely. “I will cherish this forever."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  Mr. Ahasuerus glowed with satisfaction, as Tojo carefully replaced the whistle in its box.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I’ll find an appropriate chain for it before tonight,” said Tojo, “and I’ll wear it at the performance."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Good!” said the blue man. “I’m so glad that you’re pleased with it."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I just may go into insulin shock,” remarked Flint dryly.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Aren’t you going to open yours, Thaddeus?” asked Tojo.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Later,” said Mr. Ahasuerus. “Mr. Flint’s present is of a more personal nature."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  Flint cocked an eyebrow, but said nothing.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “If it’s all right with you,” said Tojo, “I’m going to hunt up a chain now."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Hold on,” said Flint. He removed a thin gold chain from his neck. “Wait’ll I pull this thing off”—he detached a life symbol—“and you can have the damned thing."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Are you sure?” said Tojo hesitantly.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  Flint nodded. “Yeah. Alma gave it to me just before we left Earth. I don’t suppose it’s going to hurt her feelings at this late date—and besides, it occasionally gets in the way, if you know what I mean."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I think we all know what you mean,” said Mr. Ahasuerus disapprovingly.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Thank you,” said Tojo, taking the chain and attaching the whistle to it. He paused at the doorway. “It’s funny, your mentioning Alma just now."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Yeah?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Yes. When I was down on the third level a few minutes ago, I could have sworn I saw her out of the corner of my eye. It must have