stand there watching and he could see me wearing my lifterâs belt, it looked all serious but it wasnât, Iâm telling you the truth, it was like lifting nothing, it was like the old manâd already gone and Iâm holding nothing up in the air, just the space where he used to be.
And one day Iâm standing there holding him up like that from behind, and Mr Orrâs there watching me, and Iâm right up against the old boy like Iâm doing the Heimlich maneuver on himâthatâs one of the things Baileys teaches you, the Heimlich maneuver, in case your client chokes on his ruskâand Mr Orr, he says to me, whatâs your secret? And I couldnât help it, I told him, Iâve got him propped up on my dick . I thought it was a hell of a funny, Iâm laughing now, you can hear me, excuse meâexcuse meâsorryâyeah. Jeez. Anyway, Mr Orr, he definitely didnât think it was funny, he just blew his stack at me, I thought he was going to sack me on the spot? Shit he was angry? This is Raymond Lawrence youâre talking about, he tells me. He is a great man. Youâre literally holding his life in your hands. Youâre paid to care for him and that means what it says, youâre not paid to disrespect him. He told me stuff like that. I tell him, keep your hair on, and he gives me this funny look. Iâd often tell him that, to get under his skin. Keep your hair on, Mr Orr , Iâd tell him.
Right, what was I saying? Thatâs right, getting the old man walking. You see, thereâs times when he just couldnât move. Iâd hold him up from behind, no problems, like I said. Iâd hold him there and hold him there and you can tell he just couldnât get his legs going, he couldnât get his feet moving on the floor. So Iâd give his left leg just a nudge from behind with my kneecap, then the right with the right, same thing, and then the left with the left again and so on. And heâd start to move. What it felt like when I was doing that is, it felt like I was putting him on like I was putting on his clothes. Now thatâs a weird feeling, I mean, becoming someone else. Itâs like he was getting his life out of me, sucking it out of meâcan you see what Iâm trying to say? Like when you give another car a shunt along the road with yours to get it started? Felt like that. Weird.
After a bit heâd start moving his feet on his own, as long as I was holding him up. Then after a bit more I could feel him pulling away from me and moving himself, and he was separated off, andâwell, there heâd be, in front of me, heâd be moving away from me. It was like teaching a kid to ride a bike, you know, you run along behind and hold them steady for a while and then theyâre off, they donât need you anymore? Itâs like Iâd made him, itâs like Iâd made himâ happen . I said this to old Peter onceâIâd never call him that to his face, by the way, all the rest of the Residence staff called him Mr Orr, so I was supposed to call him Mr Orr, too, but I tell you what I called him, I called him Either-Orâget it? Peter Orr, Either-Or? Just to myself. He called me Gradus and I called him that. Anyway, I say this to old Either-Or, I tell him, when I get Mr Lawrence moving again like that itâs like Iâve made him, know what I mean? And he says to me, youâve been working here too long, youâre starting to think like a literary person, Gradus, not a colouring-in person . He does it in that smart-arsed smirky way that makes you want to hit himâlike heâs from somewhere special. And I knew heâd got that name from somewhere, Gradus, I knew it wasnât meant to be a compliment, I could tell that just from looking at his face, the way he said itâ dâyou know what he meant, by the way, Patrick? Gradus?
Anyway, doesnât matter, he was the same with
And one day Iâm standing there holding him up like that from behind, and Mr Orrâs there watching me, and Iâm right up against the old boy like Iâm doing the Heimlich maneuver on himâthatâs one of the things Baileys teaches you, the Heimlich maneuver, in case your client chokes on his ruskâand Mr Orr, he says to me, whatâs your secret? And I couldnât help it, I told him, Iâve got him propped up on my dick . I thought it was a hell of a funny, Iâm laughing now, you can hear me, excuse meâexcuse meâsorryâyeah. Jeez. Anyway, Mr Orr, he definitely didnât think it was funny, he just blew his stack at me, I thought he was going to sack me on the spot? Shit he was angry? This is Raymond Lawrence youâre talking about, he tells me. He is a great man. Youâre literally holding his life in your hands. Youâre paid to care for him and that means what it says, youâre not paid to disrespect him. He told me stuff like that. I tell him, keep your hair on, and he gives me this funny look. Iâd often tell him that, to get under his skin. Keep your hair on, Mr Orr , Iâd tell him.
Right, what was I saying? Thatâs right, getting the old man walking. You see, thereâs times when he just couldnât move. Iâd hold him up from behind, no problems, like I said. Iâd hold him there and hold him there and you can tell he just couldnât get his legs going, he couldnât get his feet moving on the floor. So Iâd give his left leg just a nudge from behind with my kneecap, then the right with the right, same thing, and then the left with the left again and so on. And heâd start to move. What it felt like when I was doing that is, it felt like I was putting him on like I was putting on his clothes. Now thatâs a weird feeling, I mean, becoming someone else. Itâs like he was getting his life out of me, sucking it out of meâcan you see what Iâm trying to say? Like when you give another car a shunt along the road with yours to get it started? Felt like that. Weird.
After a bit heâd start moving his feet on his own, as long as I was holding him up. Then after a bit more I could feel him pulling away from me and moving himself, and he was separated off, andâwell, there heâd be, in front of me, heâd be moving away from me. It was like teaching a kid to ride a bike, you know, you run along behind and hold them steady for a while and then theyâre off, they donât need you anymore? Itâs like Iâd made him, itâs like Iâd made himâ happen . I said this to old Peter onceâIâd never call him that to his face, by the way, all the rest of the Residence staff called him Mr Orr, so I was supposed to call him Mr Orr, too, but I tell you what I called him, I called him Either-Orâget it? Peter Orr, Either-Or? Just to myself. He called me Gradus and I called him that. Anyway, I say this to old Either-Or, I tell him, when I get Mr Lawrence moving again like that itâs like Iâve made him, know what I mean? And he says to me, youâve been working here too long, youâre starting to think like a literary person, Gradus, not a colouring-in person . He does it in that smart-arsed smirky way that makes you want to hit himâlike heâs from somewhere special. And I knew heâd got that name from somewhere, Gradus, I knew it wasnât meant to be a compliment, I could tell that just from looking at his face, the way he said itâ dâyou know what he meant, by the way, Patrick? Gradus?
Anyway, doesnât matter, he was the same with
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