impatiently watched her reading ii, meanwhile kneading away at his upper arm to try to subdue the pain. What helped sometimes with the deltoid muscle was the electronic pain suppressor. But would the neurons even register that low-voltage shock, what with this supercharge of indignation lighting up his brain?
“ I ’ m not typing this letter. Not if this is what it says. ”
“ What the hell business is it of yours what it says? ”
“ I refuse to type this letter, Nathan. You ’ re a crazy man when you start on these things, and this letter is crazy. ‘ If the Arabs were undone tomorrow by a plague of cheap solar power, you wouldn ’ t give my books a second thought. ’ You ’ re off your head. That makes no sense. He wrote what he wrote about your books because that is what he thinks. Period. Why even care what these people think, when you are you and they are nobody? Look at you. What a vulnerable, resentful mouth! Your hair is actually standing on end. Who is this little squirt anyway? Who is Milton Appel? I never read any books by him. They don ’ t teach him at school. I can ’ t fathom this in a man like you. You ’ re an extremely sophisticated, civilized man—how can you be caught in a trap by these people and let them upset you to such a degree? ”
“ You ’ re a twenty-year-old girl from an ultra - privileged Christian-Connecticut background, and I accept that you have no idea what this is all about. ”
“ Well, a lot of people who aren ’ t twenty and don ’ t have ultra - privileged Christian-Connecticut backgrounds wouldn ’ t understand either, not if they saw you looking like this. ‘ Why those Jews in Higher Education, all too authentic to you in 1959, are suddenly the excreta of a vulgar imagination is because the sole Jewish aggression sanctioned in 1973 is against Egypt, Syria, and the PL O. ’ Nathan, you can ’ t believe the PLO is why he wrote that piece. ”
“ But it is. If it wasn ’ t for Yasir Arafat he ’ d never be on my ass. You don ’ t know what frazzled Jewish nerves are like. ”
“ I ’ m learning. Please, take a Percodan. Smoke some pot. Have a vodka. But calm down. ”
“ You get over to that desk and type. I pay you to type for me.
“ Well, not that much. Not enough for this. ” Again she read aloud from his letter. ‘“ In your view, it really isn ’ t deranged Islam or debilitated Christianity that ’ s going to deal us the death blow anyway, but Jewish shits who write books like mine, carrying the hereditary curse of self-hate. And all to make a dollar. Six million dead—six million sold. Isn ’ t that the way you really see it? ’ Nathan, this is all ludicrous and overstated. You ’ re a man of forty and you ’ re flailing out like a schoolboy who ’ s been made to stand in the comer. ”
“ Go home. I greatly admire your self-possession in telling me off like this, but I want you to go away. ”
“ I ’ ll stay till you calm down. ”
“ I ’ m not calming down. I ’ ve been calm long enough. Go, ”
“ Do you really think it ’ s intelligent to be so unforgiving about this great wrong that ’ s been committed against you? This enormous wrong? ”
“ Oh, should I forgive him? ”
“ Yes. You see, I am a Christian. I do believe in Christ. And in people like Gandhi. And you ’ re going back to that dreadful Old Testament. That stonelike book. Eye for eye and teeth for teeth and never forgive anybody. Yes, I ’ m saying that I believe in forgiving my enemies. I can ’ t believe in the end that it isn ’ t healthier for everybody. ”
“ Please don ’ t prescribe peace and love, Don ’ t make me a member of your generation. ”
“ Gandhi wasn ’ t a member of my generation. Jesus isn ’ t a member of my generation. St. Francis of Assisi wasn ’ t a member of my generation. As you God damn well know, I ’ m not even a member of my generation. ”
“ But I ’ m not Jesus, Gandhi, St. Francis, or you. I
“ I ’ m not typing this letter. Not if this is what it says. ”
“ What the hell business is it of yours what it says? ”
“ I refuse to type this letter, Nathan. You ’ re a crazy man when you start on these things, and this letter is crazy. ‘ If the Arabs were undone tomorrow by a plague of cheap solar power, you wouldn ’ t give my books a second thought. ’ You ’ re off your head. That makes no sense. He wrote what he wrote about your books because that is what he thinks. Period. Why even care what these people think, when you are you and they are nobody? Look at you. What a vulnerable, resentful mouth! Your hair is actually standing on end. Who is this little squirt anyway? Who is Milton Appel? I never read any books by him. They don ’ t teach him at school. I can ’ t fathom this in a man like you. You ’ re an extremely sophisticated, civilized man—how can you be caught in a trap by these people and let them upset you to such a degree? ”
“ You ’ re a twenty-year-old girl from an ultra - privileged Christian-Connecticut background, and I accept that you have no idea what this is all about. ”
“ Well, a lot of people who aren ’ t twenty and don ’ t have ultra - privileged Christian-Connecticut backgrounds wouldn ’ t understand either, not if they saw you looking like this. ‘ Why those Jews in Higher Education, all too authentic to you in 1959, are suddenly the excreta of a vulgar imagination is because the sole Jewish aggression sanctioned in 1973 is against Egypt, Syria, and the PL O. ’ Nathan, you can ’ t believe the PLO is why he wrote that piece. ”
“ But it is. If it wasn ’ t for Yasir Arafat he ’ d never be on my ass. You don ’ t know what frazzled Jewish nerves are like. ”
“ I ’ m learning. Please, take a Percodan. Smoke some pot. Have a vodka. But calm down. ”
“ You get over to that desk and type. I pay you to type for me.
“ Well, not that much. Not enough for this. ” Again she read aloud from his letter. ‘“ In your view, it really isn ’ t deranged Islam or debilitated Christianity that ’ s going to deal us the death blow anyway, but Jewish shits who write books like mine, carrying the hereditary curse of self-hate. And all to make a dollar. Six million dead—six million sold. Isn ’ t that the way you really see it? ’ Nathan, this is all ludicrous and overstated. You ’ re a man of forty and you ’ re flailing out like a schoolboy who ’ s been made to stand in the comer. ”
“ Go home. I greatly admire your self-possession in telling me off like this, but I want you to go away. ”
“ I ’ ll stay till you calm down. ”
“ I ’ m not calming down. I ’ ve been calm long enough. Go, ”
“ Do you really think it ’ s intelligent to be so unforgiving about this great wrong that ’ s been committed against you? This enormous wrong? ”
“ Oh, should I forgive him? ”
“ Yes. You see, I am a Christian. I do believe in Christ. And in people like Gandhi. And you ’ re going back to that dreadful Old Testament. That stonelike book. Eye for eye and teeth for teeth and never forgive anybody. Yes, I ’ m saying that I believe in forgiving my enemies. I can ’ t believe in the end that it isn ’ t healthier for everybody. ”
“ Please don ’ t prescribe peace and love, Don ’ t make me a member of your generation. ”
“ Gandhi wasn ’ t a member of my generation. Jesus isn ’ t a member of my generation. St. Francis of Assisi wasn ’ t a member of my generation. As you God damn well know, I ’ m not even a member of my generation. ”
“ But I ’ m not Jesus, Gandhi, St. Francis, or you. I
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