knife? Look, I obviously don ’ t want to see Jews destroyed. That wouldn ’ t make too much sense. But I am not an authority on Israel. I ’ m an authority on Newark. Not even on Newark. On the Weequahic section of Newark. If the truth be known, not even on the whole of the Weequahic section. I don ’ t even go below Bergen Street. ”
“ But it ’ s not a matter of whether you ’ re an authority. It ’ s a matter of people reading what you say because at the moment you ’ re very famous. ”
“ So is Sammy Davis. So is Elizabeth Taylor. They ’ re even more famous. And they ’ re real Jews who haven ’ t ruined their credentials writing vulgar books. They haven ’ t set loose the illicit forces that are now corrupting the culture. Why doesn ’ t he ask them, if he wants somebody famous? They ’ d jump at the chance. Besides, that I ’ m famous for what I ’ m famous for is precisely what makes me reprehensible to Appel. That ’ s what he ’ s scolding me about. He actually seems to have read that book as a manifesto for the instinctual life. As if he ’ d never heard of obsession. Or repression. Or repressed obsessive Jews. As if he isn ’ t one himself, the fucking regressive nut! Diana, I have nothing to say, at Appel ’ s request, about Israel. I can write an essay about a novelist, and even that takes six months, but I can ’ t write an essay about international politics, not for anyone. I don ’ t do it, I never have. I am not Joan Baez. I am not a great thinker like Leonard Bernstein. I am not a political figure—he flatters me to suggest that I am. ”
“ But you ’ re a Jewish figure. Whether you want to be or not. And as you seem to want to be, you might as well do it. Why are you making it so difficult? Just state your opinion. It ’ s as simple as that. Where you stand. ”
“ I will not make atonement on the Op Ed page for the books he ’ s accused me of writing! I cracked a few jokes about playing stinky-pinky in Newark and you ’ d think I ’ d blown up the Knesset. Don ’ t start confusing me with your Wasp clarity— ’ there is no problem. ’ There is! This is not my maiden appearance in the pages of Foreskin as their Self-Hating Jew of the Month. ”
“ But that is a petty little ghetto quarrel of no interest to anyone. How many Jews can dance on the head of a pin? No one cares. You can ’ t really remember what some silly magazine has said about you—your mind would just be muck. If the magazine is as awful as you say, why should you even bother to worry? Besides, the one subject is so big and the other is so tiny, and the two have come together for you in a very strange way that I cannot understand, no matter how many ways you explain it. To me it seems like you ’ re balancing a very large mountain against a very tiny molehill, and, truthfully, if anybody had told me you were like this before I met you… or that Jews were like this. I just thought they were immigrants—period. No, I don ’ t understand. Maybe I ’ m only twenty, but you ’ re forty years old. Is this really what happens when people hit forty? ”
“ You bet. They ’ ve had it up to fucking here. This is exactly what happens. Twenty years into your livelihood, and whether you know how to do it, whether you should be doing it at all, still a matter of public debate! And still in doubt yourself. How do I even know that Appel isn ’ t right? What if my writing ’ s as bad as he says? I hate his guts, and obviously the sixties have driven him batty, but that doesn ’ t make him a fool, you know. He ’ s one of the few of them around who make any sense at all. Let ’ s face it. even the worst criticism contains some truth. They always see something you ’ re trying to hide. ”
“ But he exaggerates it. It ’ s all out of proportion. He doesn ’ t see the good things. He won ’ t even acknowledge that you ’ re funny. That ’ s ridiculous. He only sees crudely what you fail at.
“ But it ’ s not a matter of whether you ’ re an authority. It ’ s a matter of people reading what you say because at the moment you ’ re very famous. ”
“ So is Sammy Davis. So is Elizabeth Taylor. They ’ re even more famous. And they ’ re real Jews who haven ’ t ruined their credentials writing vulgar books. They haven ’ t set loose the illicit forces that are now corrupting the culture. Why doesn ’ t he ask them, if he wants somebody famous? They ’ d jump at the chance. Besides, that I ’ m famous for what I ’ m famous for is precisely what makes me reprehensible to Appel. That ’ s what he ’ s scolding me about. He actually seems to have read that book as a manifesto for the instinctual life. As if he ’ d never heard of obsession. Or repression. Or repressed obsessive Jews. As if he isn ’ t one himself, the fucking regressive nut! Diana, I have nothing to say, at Appel ’ s request, about Israel. I can write an essay about a novelist, and even that takes six months, but I can ’ t write an essay about international politics, not for anyone. I don ’ t do it, I never have. I am not Joan Baez. I am not a great thinker like Leonard Bernstein. I am not a political figure—he flatters me to suggest that I am. ”
“ But you ’ re a Jewish figure. Whether you want to be or not. And as you seem to want to be, you might as well do it. Why are you making it so difficult? Just state your opinion. It ’ s as simple as that. Where you stand. ”
“ I will not make atonement on the Op Ed page for the books he ’ s accused me of writing! I cracked a few jokes about playing stinky-pinky in Newark and you ’ d think I ’ d blown up the Knesset. Don ’ t start confusing me with your Wasp clarity— ’ there is no problem. ’ There is! This is not my maiden appearance in the pages of Foreskin as their Self-Hating Jew of the Month. ”
“ But that is a petty little ghetto quarrel of no interest to anyone. How many Jews can dance on the head of a pin? No one cares. You can ’ t really remember what some silly magazine has said about you—your mind would just be muck. If the magazine is as awful as you say, why should you even bother to worry? Besides, the one subject is so big and the other is so tiny, and the two have come together for you in a very strange way that I cannot understand, no matter how many ways you explain it. To me it seems like you ’ re balancing a very large mountain against a very tiny molehill, and, truthfully, if anybody had told me you were like this before I met you… or that Jews were like this. I just thought they were immigrants—period. No, I don ’ t understand. Maybe I ’ m only twenty, but you ’ re forty years old. Is this really what happens when people hit forty? ”
“ You bet. They ’ ve had it up to fucking here. This is exactly what happens. Twenty years into your livelihood, and whether you know how to do it, whether you should be doing it at all, still a matter of public debate! And still in doubt yourself. How do I even know that Appel isn ’ t right? What if my writing ’ s as bad as he says? I hate his guts, and obviously the sixties have driven him batty, but that doesn ’ t make him a fool, you know. He ’ s one of the few of them around who make any sense at all. Let ’ s face it. even the worst criticism contains some truth. They always see something you ’ re trying to hide. ”
“ But he exaggerates it. It ’ s all out of proportion. He doesn ’ t see the good things. He won ’ t even acknowledge that you ’ re funny. That ’ s ridiculous. He only sees crudely what you fail at.
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