give us megaweapons or whatever. Fair enough. But to refuse even to tell us how we fit into this whole YeerkâAndalite war? I mean, whatâs that about?â
âItâs about keeping control of us,â Marco said.
âItâs about power,â Rachel agreed.
Cassie was looking at me strangely. âNo,â she said. âThatâs not it. Itâs not about control. Itâs about guilt. Shame. Thatâs it, isnât it? Thatâs what you said the other night. You said every species carries some guilt.â
âGuilt? Shame?â Marco asked, looking at Cassie like she was foolish.
But Cassie had found the truth.
âWhat did you guys do to be ashamed of?â Prince Jake asked me.
âOnce we were kind when we should not have been kind,â I answered.
âAnd thatâs all youâre going to tell us?â Prince Jake asked.
I nodded, the way humans do.
âI canât accept that, Ax,â Prince Jake said sadly. âIf youâre with us, you have to be honest with us. Otherwise . . . I guess youâll have to be on your own. I hate to do that. But you canât be one of us and then lie to us.â
âI understand,â I said. âYou have been . . .â Once again, I was feeling that strange choking in my throat. âYouâve been very wonderful to me. I will always be grateful. Wonderful. Grateful. Ful. The truth is . . . the truth is we would not have been together much longer, anyway.â
I looked up at Tobias. Only he knew what I meant.
Slowly, feeling as if my clumsy human legs were made of a heavy Earth material called âconcrete,â I turned and walked away from my human friends.
âYou canât always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.â A famous human named Rolling Stones said that. I thought it was very wise, for a human.
â From the Earth Diary of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill
T he morning ritual is for normal times. The next morning was not a normal time.
This was the day I would die.
I said, and bowed my head low.
The people! The people were trillions of miles away.
I said, and raised my stalk eyes to the sky.
My prince? Elfangor had been my prince. He was dead. Now a human, Jake, was my prince, and he had discharged me. I wasnât even telling him what I was doing.
The ritual was a lie.
I said, and raised my face to look at the rising sun.
Honor. To die avenging my brother. I felt my insides quiver. It was fear. I know fear. Iâve felt it often enough in battle. But Iâd never gone into a fight I
knew
I would lose.
This wasnât honor. It was running into the hands of death.
Couldnât I ask the others for help? Couldnât I go to Prince Jake and tell him?
No. Not without telling them that I had called my home world. Not without agreeing to tell them everything.
It was time for the last words of the ritual.
I drew up my tail blade and pressed it against my throat in the symbol of self-sacrifice. I was breathing hard, as if Iâd just been running. My hearts were beating fast.
Tobiasâs voice said.
I muttered. I was angry that Tobias was there.
I didnât answer. The truth was, I couldnât stand to talk about it. I was afraid. Sickly afraid. If I could achieve surprise, maybe I could kill the Visser. But he had the body of an Andalite adult. A full-grown male. The Visser was also more experienced than I was. And he would have guards. There would be Hork-Bajir nearby.
âItâs about keeping control of us,â Marco said.
âItâs about power,â Rachel agreed.
Cassie was looking at me strangely. âNo,â she said. âThatâs not it. Itâs not about control. Itâs about guilt. Shame. Thatâs it, isnât it? Thatâs what you said the other night. You said every species carries some guilt.â
âGuilt? Shame?â Marco asked, looking at Cassie like she was foolish.
But Cassie had found the truth.
âWhat did you guys do to be ashamed of?â Prince Jake asked me.
âOnce we were kind when we should not have been kind,â I answered.
âAnd thatâs all youâre going to tell us?â Prince Jake asked.
I nodded, the way humans do.
âI canât accept that, Ax,â Prince Jake said sadly. âIf youâre with us, you have to be honest with us. Otherwise . . . I guess youâll have to be on your own. I hate to do that. But you canât be one of us and then lie to us.â
âI understand,â I said. âYou have been . . .â Once again, I was feeling that strange choking in my throat. âYouâve been very wonderful to me. I will always be grateful. Wonderful. Grateful. Ful. The truth is . . . the truth is we would not have been together much longer, anyway.â
I looked up at Tobias. Only he knew what I meant.
Slowly, feeling as if my clumsy human legs were made of a heavy Earth material called âconcrete,â I turned and walked away from my human friends.
âYou canât always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.â A famous human named Rolling Stones said that. I thought it was very wise, for a human.
â From the Earth Diary of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill
T he morning ritual is for normal times. The next morning was not a normal time.
This was the day I would die.
I said, and bowed my head low.
The people! The people were trillions of miles away.
I said, and raised my stalk eyes to the sky.
My prince? Elfangor had been my prince. He was dead. Now a human, Jake, was my prince, and he had discharged me. I wasnât even telling him what I was doing.
The ritual was a lie.
I said, and raised my face to look at the rising sun.
Honor. To die avenging my brother. I felt my insides quiver. It was fear. I know fear. Iâve felt it often enough in battle. But Iâd never gone into a fight I
knew
I would lose.
This wasnât honor. It was running into the hands of death.
Couldnât I ask the others for help? Couldnât I go to Prince Jake and tell him?
No. Not without telling them that I had called my home world. Not without agreeing to tell them everything.
It was time for the last words of the ritual.
I drew up my tail blade and pressed it against my throat in the symbol of self-sacrifice. I was breathing hard, as if Iâd just been running. My hearts were beating fast.
I didnât answer. The truth was, I couldnât stand to talk about it. I was afraid. Sickly afraid. If I could achieve surprise, maybe I could kill the Visser. But he had the body of an Andalite adult. A full-grown male. The Visser was also more experienced than I was. And he would have guards. There would be Hork-Bajir nearby.
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