so much, I
screamed and threw something at him, almost hitting him in the head. I cried,
and told him to leave.
Then I called him over and over again,
apologizing, asking him to come back and for us to work things out because he made
me feel something again, for the first time after Mangaize.
Like I was alive and filled with desire. Like I
He never spoke to me again.
I had to look deep inside of myself to
understand why I even tried to get him back, considering he didn't accept my
'no' about the mock-rape and spanking. Was I so desperate for male attention
that I'd accept abuse?
My mother would be horrified .
Dawn told me to forgive myself, but I had a hard
time and for months, I moped around my apartment, dressed in flannel pajamas,
watching Seinfeld re-runs and eating Häagen Dazs. Now, here I was, with
some other man hanging around me who liked to enforce his will over
women, looking at me like I was a piece of steak he couldn’t wait to eat.
Finally, the meeting broke up about an hour and
a half after dinner finished and the men left, one by one, shaking my dad's
hand and thanking us for the hospitality. I noticed that Drake hung back,
taking his time, speaking to Christie and Elaine. Finally, he was the last one
and I went to get my coat and bag while he shook my father's hand. The two
spoke to each other in hushed voices.
"What are you two conspiring about?" I
kissed my dad on the cheek.
"Us? Conspire?" My dad laughed.
"Just how to take over the world." He smiled and glanced at Drake. I
said my goodbyes to Elaine and Christie, and then Drake escorted me out of the
apartment. Once the door to the suite closed, he put his hand on the small of
my back and guided me gently towards the elevator.
"I didn't think you'd actually wait for
me." He pressed the button. "I thought you'd be long gone, so I'm
"I said I'd wait."
The door to the elevator opened and I entered,
Drake behind me. We stood side by side, with him just a bit behind me. He leaned
over to press the floor button, and just happened to lean in close to me while
he did, brushing against me. Was that a smirk on his face?
"Why are you smiling?"
"Oh, let's just said that I have a hard
time riding alone in elevators with pretty women and keeping a straight face
I glanced away, my face heating. Oh. Right .
The elevator scene…
"Don't get any ideas."
"Kate, I've already had so many ideas. And that's what I wanted to talk to you about."
Oh, God … How do you handle a man telling you
he's had ideas about being with you? A wave of something swept through me,
leaving my knees just a bit weak.
The elevator arrived in the basement and we went
to the guest parking area and his car. He helped me in, then closed the door
What a gentleman. Opened the door for me, so
chivalrous, but wanted to tie me up and make me kneel to him like a vassal to
some feudal Lord.
Of course, then I couldn’t get the image of me
kneeling at his feet, naked, him fully dressed out of my mind. I thought of the
movie 9 ½ Weeks and how the woman crawled on her hands and knees
to her lover. I couldn’t stop the way my body responded to those images, even
as I told myself it would be humiliating.
"Well, talk away," I said, trying to
get that image out of my mind.
We drove out of the parking garage and through
the streets towards my apartment. A light snow fell, huge flakes drifting down
"I know it really upset you that I'm the
one Lara was trying to match you with for your 'research'. You wanted anonymity
and are embarrassed that I know who you are. I think we should still go through
with the agreement you wanted – for one reason. Who could be safer than
I frowned. He wasn’t safe. He was a
"How are you safe?"
"I know and admire your father, so there's
no way I'd want to screw things up with him. I admire you and don't want you to
think less of me than you probably already