The Accidental Witch by Jessica Penot

take away all their suffering. Everything was different. It didn’t matter that the world was flawed or that the doe-eyed woman in the corner had been raped by every man she’d met. It didn’t matter that the fat drunk in the middle had survived the Iraq War only to come home to find his wife shacked up with another man. It didn’t matter that he spent his nights dreaming of old battles and his days running from flashbacks. All the things that had worn down my hope, all the people I couldn’t help, including myself, I could suddenly save. I could wipe away the suffering of the older man in that seat next to me. I could ease the grief of his having to watch his wife die slowly of cancer.
    I looked out at my little group of lost lambs and realized that things would never be the same again. All the struggling to find resources and help for people in a world that didn’t give a flaming fart about anything would be over. It no longer mattered that we lived in a world that treated the poor and lost like old toilet paper. I didn’t have to waste my time searching for kindness in a cruel world. All the praying for some nonprofit organization to pop up with actual open beds and provide healthcare for all the helplessly insane, un-medicated masses who couldn’t afford their meds, would be over. I didn’t need anyone else. I would fix everything. I sat back in my chair and smiled. I had always lied a little in group. I had promised patients that I could help them. I didn’t need to lie anymore. The promises were true.
    * * *
    I didn’t go home after work that day. I went to Aaron’s place. His house was large and modern. It had vaulted ceilings and leather furniture and everything was so clean, you could eat off the floor. Of course, after I had sex with him on the floor, I wouldn’t have eaten off of it, but I certainly would have before. When we were done, he got me a blanket and we lay together on the hardwood looking up at the fan above us. It was cold and I shivered in Aaron’s arms.
    “I love you,” he said.
    I turned and looked at his chiseled features and perfect face. I didn’t know what love was. I doubted I had ever known what love was, but this is what I imagined it was. It was knowing someone cared for you and wanting to be with them. It was desire. These things seemed like love, but I couldn’t say the words. I couldn’t answer him. I just kissed him.
    He reached over and stroked my hair and kissed my forehead. I curled up in his arms and listened to his beating heart. I wished this was love.
    “I have to go,” he said.
    “Oh?” I said.
    “Yeah,” he said. “I’m sorry. This was amazing. Really. There’s a game today and I told some of the guys that I’d watch it with them.”
    “Well,” I said. “You can’t miss that.”
    “Hey,” he said. “Do you wanna come? You aren’t an Auburn fan are you? Because if you are, we’re going to have to call this entire thing off.” He smiled mischievously down at me.
    “Well, “I said with a laugh. “Now that you mention it …”
    “That’s it. We’re done. I can’t be seen in public with an Auburn fan.”
    I laughed. I could shit twice about football, but I grew up in Alabama, so I had to know the language. “You have nothing to worry about,” I said. “Roll Tide.”
    “Oh,” he said. “Thank God.”
    He leapt up and pulled his pants on and threw on a T-shirt. It was an Alabama T-shirt. He smiled at me. I got up slowly and got dressed.
    “Damn,” he said as he watched me dress. “You’re amazing. You know that?”
    “I think you need glasses,” I answered.
    “I can’t believe it took me this long to notice you,” he said.
    “It’s hard to see through that crowd of blondes that is always following you.”
    He laughed. “Are you sure you don’t want to come watch the game with me?”
    “No,” I said. “I have some errands I have to run.”
    We walked out of the house together and he walked me to my car. He kissed me and