more of the pain that laced his voice.
“I met Belle’s mother, Janelle when I was twenty one. We’d been introduced through some mutual friends and ended up dating for a while. She was sweet and thoughtful; she was the kind of girl I wanted to take home to meet Ma. We’d been dating for about eight months when she moved in with me; I thought maybe it was my imagination at first, but she seemed to change almost overnight; she started bitching. She would be rude to Ma and the girls when they stopped by the apartment. Snarky all the time and demanding. A few months of this, I’d had enough and I told her we were done. She’d had plenty of warning, but when I bit the bullet and decided I couldn’t take any more and I was leaving, she announced she was pregnant.
“I stayed. At first, I wasn’t sure if the baby was mine; we’d been really careful. I never slept with her without a condom. Even though we were in a fairly steady relationship, I never felt comfortable enough. I was young I didn’t want to risk it. Janelle had shown me she was the kind of person to do anything, even play dirty to get what she wanted.”
He paused and took a deep breath. I could see how hard reliving this was for him. His body was locked up tight.
“What do you mean ‘play dirty’?” I prompted quietly. I already disliked this woman, to take advantage of such a kind loving family and treat them like crap.
“She had gone off her birth control, and I later found out was poking holes in the condoms in an effort to get pregnant, she knew I was ready to end things. Told me later it was her way of making me stay.”
Mace’s hands were holding his coffee mug so hard I thought it might shatter, his jaw ticking with anger. My own level of pissed off was very quickly heightening. How somebody could do that I would never understand—trick someone into staying—to have a child out of selfishness rather than love. “You stayed then?” I asked quietly.
Mace looked up at me searching my face for what I wasn’t sure. “I did, for a while. Belle was about one when I left. I had visitation, and I couldn’t have her fulltime because I was away for work weeks at a time, training exercises and shit. If I had stayed home, stayed with her-”
Mace’s eyes where shining with unshed tears, my heart broke for him.
“While Janelle had her, she’d been drinking, more and more. I didn’t know the extent of it. A few times when I would pick Belle up, I smelled booze on her breath; I mentioned it a few times, but it never ended well and I didn’t want Belle to hear us fighting. I spoke with her when Belle was with my mother. She played it off, made me believe it was just a drink or a sip. I should have known better. I should have taken Belle from her then.”
The pain is his voice was destroying me. I’d sworn not to fall for the man, for any man ever again. I realized I felt more for him than I should. That meant I was in big trouble.
“I was on my way home from a local mission. I raced straight over to Janelle’s place to pick up Belle; it was my weekend to have her. I pulled up to Janelle’s place and walked through the front door. Belle wasn’t there so I went out back thinking she was playing in the sandpit. She wasn’t.” Mace took a deep breath and seemed to lose himself in the memory telling me his story like his own personal nightmare was playing out right in front of him. A broken look froze his face and his eyes glazed over.
“I looked around the yard, everywhere. When my eyes skimmed past the swimming pool, I spotted her. She was floating in the pool, face down, her hair spread out all around her. She wasn’t moving. I rushed over to the pool and dragged her out, laying her down on the grass. She wasn’t breathing. I needed to make her breathe.
My hands were pressing down over and over again on her tiny chest, trying so hard to make her take a breath. The feeling of her limp lifeless body under my hands, I kept going and
“I met Belle’s mother, Janelle when I was twenty one. We’d been introduced through some mutual friends and ended up dating for a while. She was sweet and thoughtful; she was the kind of girl I wanted to take home to meet Ma. We’d been dating for about eight months when she moved in with me; I thought maybe it was my imagination at first, but she seemed to change almost overnight; she started bitching. She would be rude to Ma and the girls when they stopped by the apartment. Snarky all the time and demanding. A few months of this, I’d had enough and I told her we were done. She’d had plenty of warning, but when I bit the bullet and decided I couldn’t take any more and I was leaving, she announced she was pregnant.
“I stayed. At first, I wasn’t sure if the baby was mine; we’d been really careful. I never slept with her without a condom. Even though we were in a fairly steady relationship, I never felt comfortable enough. I was young I didn’t want to risk it. Janelle had shown me she was the kind of person to do anything, even play dirty to get what she wanted.”
He paused and took a deep breath. I could see how hard reliving this was for him. His body was locked up tight.
“What do you mean ‘play dirty’?” I prompted quietly. I already disliked this woman, to take advantage of such a kind loving family and treat them like crap.
“She had gone off her birth control, and I later found out was poking holes in the condoms in an effort to get pregnant, she knew I was ready to end things. Told me later it was her way of making me stay.”
Mace’s hands were holding his coffee mug so hard I thought it might shatter, his jaw ticking with anger. My own level of pissed off was very quickly heightening. How somebody could do that I would never understand—trick someone into staying—to have a child out of selfishness rather than love. “You stayed then?” I asked quietly.
Mace looked up at me searching my face for what I wasn’t sure. “I did, for a while. Belle was about one when I left. I had visitation, and I couldn’t have her fulltime because I was away for work weeks at a time, training exercises and shit. If I had stayed home, stayed with her-”
Mace’s eyes where shining with unshed tears, my heart broke for him.
“While Janelle had her, she’d been drinking, more and more. I didn’t know the extent of it. A few times when I would pick Belle up, I smelled booze on her breath; I mentioned it a few times, but it never ended well and I didn’t want Belle to hear us fighting. I spoke with her when Belle was with my mother. She played it off, made me believe it was just a drink or a sip. I should have known better. I should have taken Belle from her then.”
The pain is his voice was destroying me. I’d sworn not to fall for the man, for any man ever again. I realized I felt more for him than I should. That meant I was in big trouble.
“I was on my way home from a local mission. I raced straight over to Janelle’s place to pick up Belle; it was my weekend to have her. I pulled up to Janelle’s place and walked through the front door. Belle wasn’t there so I went out back thinking she was playing in the sandpit. She wasn’t.” Mace took a deep breath and seemed to lose himself in the memory telling me his story like his own personal nightmare was playing out right in front of him. A broken look froze his face and his eyes glazed over.
“I looked around the yard, everywhere. When my eyes skimmed past the swimming pool, I spotted her. She was floating in the pool, face down, her hair spread out all around her. She wasn’t moving. I rushed over to the pool and dragged her out, laying her down on the grass. She wasn’t breathing. I needed to make her breathe.
My hands were pressing down over and over again on her tiny chest, trying so hard to make her take a breath. The feeling of her limp lifeless body under my hands, I kept going and
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