Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation by Diana Richardson Page B

his every day, but although he makes endless appointments for other things, no time or space is consciously set aside for the actual act of sex. Real sex (as opposed to virtual sex, which is increasing at an alarming rate since the advent of the Internet) appears to be low on a man’s list of priorities. After work, socializing, putting the kids to bed, and watching TV, then perhaps (if he’s not too tired) sex will happen. Hopefully, but not necessarily.
    Attunement and Relaxation
    With guaranteed sex on the horizon, you will perhaps observe yourself feeling more positive, present, and enthusiastic about being alive. You’ll feel more at ease knowing that sex will happen, that your partner has actually agreed to meet you and make love. The knowing allows you to settle into yourself in advance, bringing awareness to your body, your legs, perineum, and breath. Inwardly preparing for sex is an effective form of foreplay.
    Set aside three or more hours for lovemaking, if possible. It probably sounds like a lot right now, but after a bit of experimentation, three hours may turn out to be a bit on the short side. If three-hour slots are difficult to carve out for yourselves, then settle for one or two hours. Sometimes give yourself an entire day in bed, with breaks for meals and so on. When lovemaking transpires several times on the same day, bodily ease deepens to the extent that bodies enter a state of spontaneous letting-go, undulating, moving, and dancing of their own accord in a divine choreography. In states such as these, the bodies are unable to stop, so you find yourself making love for hours, totally absorbed, present to each split second, unaware of the passage of time.
    The Tantric Quickie
    The tantric quickie is also highly recommended. Soft penetration for ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes is a perfect way to start off the day. It brings you back home to yourself before you leave home and allows you to relax into the center of your being, which transforms the quality of the day ahead. Last thing at night is also perfect for a tantric quickie, or during an afternoon nap on the weekend. Soft union without erection is so simple and easy; just slip it in, no big performance needed, no great expenditure of energy. You just connect the genitals, relax into the moment, and become present in your body.
    Quite possibly the experience of jumping into sex at a fixed time every day feels clinical and unromantic. Also, putting the unerect penis into the vagina (as described in chapter 6) may feel somewhat cold-blooded and technical. You may even feel shy and self-conscious because you are used to making love in the dark or being more concealed. Don’t give concerns such as these too much attention, because first impressions fade quickly. Conscious meetings in broad daylight where everything is natural and out in the open are a dream come true for many of us. How easy is this? How sane and sensible is this? Both people are present, willing, and committed. It is ordinary, yet extraordinary. Any initial feelings of awkwardness will soon be replaced by the joy of simplicity and ordinariness, in which you can connect with yourself and your partner in a relaxed and relaxing way.
    FOREPLAY
    The majority of women, when pressed, will admit that the usual ways men touch and stimulate them actually turn them off. This is sobering news, but relaxing, too, because it means there is less fumbling and guesswork required. A perfect guideline for foreplay: “It’s not what you do, but how you do it.”
    Presence and Awareness, the Greatest Aphrodisiac
    Osho says, “Tantra denies nothing, but transforms everything,” which means that awareness changes the situation; any action carried out with awareness is transformed through awareness itself. This basically means that almost anything goes when we are aware, consenting parties. Best is to keep everything simple, innocent, and exploratory, not following any program or putting yourselves under