TALES FROM THE SCRIPT: THE BEHIND-THE-CAMERA ADVENTURES OF A TV COMEDY WRITER by Gene Perret Page B
Authors: Gene Perret
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firm, two-year contract,” Paul Keyes said.
i said, “i don’t want to be here now. Why would i want to be here
two years from now?” i also said, “How can you offer me a firm two years
when you don’t even know if the show will be renewed next season?”
Keyes said, “it doesn’t matter.
nBC has guaranteed Rowan
and Martin that they’ll be picked up for a new show even if this one
doesn’t come back. You’ll be with that show.”
i said, “no, i won’t.”
i turned down the two-year offer, but i still had to fulfill my contract with them. Another writer on the show had been offered a job
with Cosby, but he accepted the two-year deal with Laugh-In instead .
i had to show up for work on Laugh-In . i started the previous
season with a chip on my shoulder, and by that time, i showed up
wearing battle gear. i didn’t want to be there, and they knew i didn’t
want to be there. it was not a very pleasant situation for me.
During our third week of pre-production, Paul Keyes called all
the writers to a meeting in his office. We were going to audition a new
cast member for the upcoming season—a ventriloquist. He and his
dummy did part of their act. They adlibbed, they were very entertaining, and we were all impressed.
i had a terrific headache, though. i asked Paul’s receptionist if she
had any aspirin. She didn’t.
After the audition, we took a brief break before we got on with the
writers’ meeting. i just laid my head on the table.
When Paul Keyes returned after a restroom break, he said to me,
“Did you ever see two characters work so well together before?”
i said, “Yeah, Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman.”
i was doing a joke because they had a very brief but stormy marriage a few years before. incidentally, i had stolen the joke from my
former writing partner, Arnie Kogen.
Paul Keyes exploded. He called me a few choice names before
the meeting continued.
The next morning, my agent called and said, “i don’t know what
the hell you did, but you’ve been released from your contract. You’ve
been fired. Congratulations.”
Later that day, i signed with George Schlatter and the Cosby show.
As a postscript, Laugh-In was cancelled after that season. As i understood it, Rowan and Martin were paid off by nBC instead of being
given another show. The other writer—the one who was enticed to
stay with the offer of a firm, two-year commitment—never got the
second year of his firm , two-year contract.
Chapter Eleven
The New Bill Cosby Show
George Schlatter not only hired me as a writer on the Cosby show,
but he hired me as Script Supervisor. in theory, that meant i was the
head writer. in reality, it meant absolutely nothing. George Schlatter
was the real head-writer. He decided what went into the show, how it
should be rewritten, and how it should be polished. So, i was just one
of the writers on the show—the one with the most desirable office
and with the Script Supervisor title in the closing credits. That looked
good on my resume and i hoped that it might help me get a real headwriter job further down the line.
Even with my exalted title, working for Bill Cosby caused me
some trepidation. My background and training was as a gag-writer,
a joke man, a one-liner guy. Bill Cosby didn’t do one-liners, and i really had no training in sketch writing. The veterans on The Jim Nabors
Hour did most of the longer sketches, and Laugh-In didn’t do anything longer than three pages. There was good reason for me to be
apprehensive.
Bill Cosby, though, put my mind at ease immediately. When we
had our first scripts typed, bound, and delivered to the office, Cosby
came in for a writers meeting. He picked up the box of scripts that we
99
had worked so hard on. They were supposed to be distributed so we
could mark them with notes for the rewrites, but he dumped them
into the trash. We assumed that meant he didn’t like parts of them.
With that emphatic gesture, he said,
i said, “i don’t want to be here now. Why would i want to be here
two years from now?” i also said, “How can you offer me a firm two years
when you don’t even know if the show will be renewed next season?”
Keyes said, “it doesn’t matter.
nBC has guaranteed Rowan
and Martin that they’ll be picked up for a new show even if this one
doesn’t come back. You’ll be with that show.”
i said, “no, i won’t.”
i turned down the two-year offer, but i still had to fulfill my contract with them. Another writer on the show had been offered a job
with Cosby, but he accepted the two-year deal with Laugh-In instead .
i had to show up for work on Laugh-In . i started the previous
season with a chip on my shoulder, and by that time, i showed up
wearing battle gear. i didn’t want to be there, and they knew i didn’t
want to be there. it was not a very pleasant situation for me.
During our third week of pre-production, Paul Keyes called all
the writers to a meeting in his office. We were going to audition a new
cast member for the upcoming season—a ventriloquist. He and his
dummy did part of their act. They adlibbed, they were very entertaining, and we were all impressed.
i had a terrific headache, though. i asked Paul’s receptionist if she
had any aspirin. She didn’t.
After the audition, we took a brief break before we got on with the
writers’ meeting. i just laid my head on the table.
When Paul Keyes returned after a restroom break, he said to me,
“Did you ever see two characters work so well together before?”
i said, “Yeah, Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman.”
i was doing a joke because they had a very brief but stormy marriage a few years before. incidentally, i had stolen the joke from my
former writing partner, Arnie Kogen.
Paul Keyes exploded. He called me a few choice names before
the meeting continued.
The next morning, my agent called and said, “i don’t know what
the hell you did, but you’ve been released from your contract. You’ve
been fired. Congratulations.”
Later that day, i signed with George Schlatter and the Cosby show.
As a postscript, Laugh-In was cancelled after that season. As i understood it, Rowan and Martin were paid off by nBC instead of being
given another show. The other writer—the one who was enticed to
stay with the offer of a firm, two-year commitment—never got the
second year of his firm , two-year contract.
Chapter Eleven
The New Bill Cosby Show
George Schlatter not only hired me as a writer on the Cosby show,
but he hired me as Script Supervisor. in theory, that meant i was the
head writer. in reality, it meant absolutely nothing. George Schlatter
was the real head-writer. He decided what went into the show, how it
should be rewritten, and how it should be polished. So, i was just one
of the writers on the show—the one with the most desirable office
and with the Script Supervisor title in the closing credits. That looked
good on my resume and i hoped that it might help me get a real headwriter job further down the line.
Even with my exalted title, working for Bill Cosby caused me
some trepidation. My background and training was as a gag-writer,
a joke man, a one-liner guy. Bill Cosby didn’t do one-liners, and i really had no training in sketch writing. The veterans on The Jim Nabors
Hour did most of the longer sketches, and Laugh-In didn’t do anything longer than three pages. There was good reason for me to be
apprehensive.
Bill Cosby, though, put my mind at ease immediately. When we
had our first scripts typed, bound, and delivered to the office, Cosby
came in for a writers meeting. He picked up the box of scripts that we
99
had worked so hard on. They were supposed to be distributed so we
could mark them with notes for the rewrites, but he dumped them
into the trash. We assumed that meant he didn’t like parts of them.
With that emphatic gesture, he said,
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