Tainted Love: contemporary womens fiction love story and family saga (Behind Closed Doors Book 1) by Erin Cawood
Authors: Erin Cawood
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How was I to know when Cal handled everything?
You were never meant to find out you were adopted, D. I'm so sorry I kept it from you. As far as I knew you had no living relatives, or none who could be found at the time of your parents' death, so I didn't see the necessity in causing you so much pain. It wasn't like you could find out who you were or where you came from. Everyone had already tried before Mom and Dad adopted you. I guess I’ll never know why Aunty Hazel couldn’t step up when you needed her but I forgive her. You became my little brother when she didn’t, and I pray one day you’ll forgive me and we’ll speak again.
You know, Cal didn’t appreciate it when you walked out on the family, and he wasn’t very sympathetic when I started to fuss over contraction-like pains. Remember the Braxton-Hicks I had with Georgia? But I was seven and a half months pregnant, and probably didn’t need all the stress. I guess I deserved the backlash — after all, it was my fault. Oh no, he wasn’t physical with me this time. He was just very bitter and angry. He had more than a few harsh things to say. So he was even less happy when that same night I woke him up and told him the midwife didn’t think I had Braxton-Hicks and I should get to the hospital right away.
It was a cold October night when he rushed me to the hospital and he was ranting at me. Why had I bothered the midwife in the middle of the night when the baby wasn’t due for another six weeks? But I knew, and I was foolish to try to convince myself otherwise. I didn’t want to have to face the confrontation with him and I waited too late. Although the hospital tried, they couldn’t stop the labor. The baby was coming whether we were ready for her or not.
But Caitlyn didn’t want to come. Maybe she knew she was better off inside than in the middle of the current state of our marriage. I thought once she was here, once Cal held her, everything would change. The labor was long and slow. He prowled the labor suite like a caged animal. He took urgent calls on his cell, but I could see it every time he looked at me. He thought something was wrong. See! He couldn’t get anything past me, I knew he really cared.
He was overreacting. They monitored the baby and me closely and we were both okay. The baby just didn’t want to come out. The following afternoon, when they finally handed Cal his daughter, he took her in his arms he smiled at her, and I really thought something had changed. He was the doting father. He peppered the staff with questions and he sounded like he couldn’t quite believe she could really be so premature and still be perfectly okay. He cooed and he stroked her hair. And then he named her Kitty-Cat-Caitlyn just like he had named Georgia, Caleb and Dylan.
Then the moment the doctors left, the second we were alone, he handed her over like a toy doll and he sat down to read the newspaper. He was exactly the same when we brought her home from the hospital. He gushed for Georgia and Caleb's benefit or when company came to call but the moment no one else was interested in her, he turned off and went into the study to work.
This went on for months: publicly he was the perfect father, but privately he didn’t care. I swear I tried everything but he just wasn’t interested. He didn’t get involved with her. It really was like she wasn’t even there unless she annoyed him, and then it was my fault.
Of course her first word was “Ma-ma” and amazed by her discovery of language, Georgia was trying to teach her more. She asked Caitlyn to say Georgia and her attempt and making her name into baby speak really made me laugh. Dor-da!
“She can’t really understand what you’re asking her to do, baby girl,” I explained. “She’s just making noise. Even that’s a little complicated. Maybe you can start with simpler sounds?”
“What, like Dada?” she asked. I nodded as she spun back to the high chair. “Caitlyn say Da-da.”
“Ma
You were never meant to find out you were adopted, D. I'm so sorry I kept it from you. As far as I knew you had no living relatives, or none who could be found at the time of your parents' death, so I didn't see the necessity in causing you so much pain. It wasn't like you could find out who you were or where you came from. Everyone had already tried before Mom and Dad adopted you. I guess I’ll never know why Aunty Hazel couldn’t step up when you needed her but I forgive her. You became my little brother when she didn’t, and I pray one day you’ll forgive me and we’ll speak again.
You know, Cal didn’t appreciate it when you walked out on the family, and he wasn’t very sympathetic when I started to fuss over contraction-like pains. Remember the Braxton-Hicks I had with Georgia? But I was seven and a half months pregnant, and probably didn’t need all the stress. I guess I deserved the backlash — after all, it was my fault. Oh no, he wasn’t physical with me this time. He was just very bitter and angry. He had more than a few harsh things to say. So he was even less happy when that same night I woke him up and told him the midwife didn’t think I had Braxton-Hicks and I should get to the hospital right away.
It was a cold October night when he rushed me to the hospital and he was ranting at me. Why had I bothered the midwife in the middle of the night when the baby wasn’t due for another six weeks? But I knew, and I was foolish to try to convince myself otherwise. I didn’t want to have to face the confrontation with him and I waited too late. Although the hospital tried, they couldn’t stop the labor. The baby was coming whether we were ready for her or not.
But Caitlyn didn’t want to come. Maybe she knew she was better off inside than in the middle of the current state of our marriage. I thought once she was here, once Cal held her, everything would change. The labor was long and slow. He prowled the labor suite like a caged animal. He took urgent calls on his cell, but I could see it every time he looked at me. He thought something was wrong. See! He couldn’t get anything past me, I knew he really cared.
He was overreacting. They monitored the baby and me closely and we were both okay. The baby just didn’t want to come out. The following afternoon, when they finally handed Cal his daughter, he took her in his arms he smiled at her, and I really thought something had changed. He was the doting father. He peppered the staff with questions and he sounded like he couldn’t quite believe she could really be so premature and still be perfectly okay. He cooed and he stroked her hair. And then he named her Kitty-Cat-Caitlyn just like he had named Georgia, Caleb and Dylan.
Then the moment the doctors left, the second we were alone, he handed her over like a toy doll and he sat down to read the newspaper. He was exactly the same when we brought her home from the hospital. He gushed for Georgia and Caleb's benefit or when company came to call but the moment no one else was interested in her, he turned off and went into the study to work.
This went on for months: publicly he was the perfect father, but privately he didn’t care. I swear I tried everything but he just wasn’t interested. He didn’t get involved with her. It really was like she wasn’t even there unless she annoyed him, and then it was my fault.
Of course her first word was “Ma-ma” and amazed by her discovery of language, Georgia was trying to teach her more. She asked Caitlyn to say Georgia and her attempt and making her name into baby speak really made me laugh. Dor-da!
“She can’t really understand what you’re asking her to do, baby girl,” I explained. “She’s just making noise. Even that’s a little complicated. Maybe you can start with simpler sounds?”
“What, like Dada?” she asked. I nodded as she spun back to the high chair. “Caitlyn say Da-da.”
“Ma
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