Tainted by K.A. Robinson

missed them so damn much. How was it fair that they had been taken from me when I was only fucking ten years old? What had I ever done to deserve that?
    When I asked Dr. Peters that, he frowned. “No one ever deserves something like that. This world is a hard place to live in, and you were forced to learn that at an early age. No one blames you for feeling angry or betrayed. Anyone in your position would feel the same way.”
    “Will I ever really be able to move on?”
    “You will, but it’ll take time. You’ve spent so much of your life running from it that you never truly took the time to mourn them. You accepted their deaths the first time you were sent to a rehabilitation program, but you never dealt with it.”
    Well, I was definitely mourning them now. It felt like my heart was being ripped out as I let myself finally feel the pain of their deaths. I let the pain overtake me until I was paralyzed with it. I wanted to escape from it, but I didn’t. Dr. Peters was right. I always ran, and right now, I was tired of running. It was time to face my demons and start over.
    After learning to deal with my parents’ deaths, I was almost glad when we moved on to Chloe. I was learning to look at things differently, and compared to my parents, talking about Chloe was easy. While I knew that I’d lost her, I still had hope that I could have her back in my life again. Dr. Peters explained that while it was important to depend on my significant other, it was unhealthy to feel like I couldn’t live without her. I loved Chloe, but I also needed her in an unhealthy way.
    He worked with me to help separate the two sides of my relationship with her, love and need, and in doing so, I realized that he was right. I’d depended on her in a way that I shouldn’t have. My feelings for her never changed, but I realized that I’d put her on a pedestal as my saving angel when I didn’t need to.
    Through all of this, I felt myself growing stronger, both mentally and physically. Now that I was actually eating at least three times a day, I was gaining back all of the weight that I’d lost from using cocaine. I spent most of my recreational time outside, and my pale skin was starting to bronze. Between the weight gain and free tanning, I was starting to look human again. When I first entered the program, I’d thought that I looked fine. The first night that I came here, the nurse had snapped a picture for my identification card. When I looked at it weeks later, I was shocked. I’d looked horrible. My skin had been pasty, my eyes had appeared dead, and I’d looked almost skeletal compared to how I looked now. It was amazing how much I’d changed since I came here. I felt like a new person.
    As my time in the program came to a close, I had to admit that I was relieved. Now that I was able to see things clearly, I wanted to get back out into the real world and start living my life again. I wanted to fix things with the band first, and then it would be time to find Chloe. I had already mentally prepared myself for the possibility that she might not want me back, but I wouldn’t let go of my last string of hope. I loved her more than ever now, and I wanted to prove it to her.
    When I walked into Dr. Peters’s office to say good-bye, it just felt right. I was ready to move on with my life.
    He glanced up at me. “Hello, Drake. I assume this is your farewell visit.”
    “It is. I just wanted to say good-bye and thank you for everything.”
    “No thanks are needed. You did all the work. I was just here to help you along.”
    “Well, you did your job then. I haven’t felt this good in a long time.”
    “I’m glad to hear it. If you ever need anything, you have my number. Don’t hesitate to call me, and I mean that.” He pulled a piece of paper out of his desk drawer. “And here is your certificate for completing the program. I thought you might need it as proof for certain people.”
    Chloe. He knew that I was going to go after