Tactics: A Game Plan for Discussing Your Christian Convictions by Gregory Koukl
Authors: Gregory Koukl
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what you've told me?" or "Would you consider an alternative, or be willing to look at another angle?" By soliciting permission to disagree, you make the encounter more amicable. You also stay in the driver's seat.
There is one more way to soften your approach that, strictly speaking, may not involve Columbo (because it doesn't always use a question). Even so, it may serve a valuable tactical purpose. You may find yourself in a situation where either you can't think of a question or where it would seem awkward or contrived to use a question rather than simply stating your view.
In these circumstances, you need a genial way to introduce your point. Here are some recommendations you might want to consider:
• Let me suggest an alternative, and tell me if you think it's an improvement. If not, you can tell me why you think your option is better.
• I wouldn't characterize it that way. Here's what I think may be a better or more accurate way to look at it. Tell me what you think.
• I don't think that's going to work, and I'd like to suggest why. Is that okay with you?
• I'm not sure I agree with the way you put it. Think about this . . .
These statements protect you in an additional way. When you say something like, "It's my understanding that . . ." or "This is the way it seems to me," then explain your position and invite a response, you indicate you are provisional in your claims. Yes, you have convictions, but they are open to discussion.
This is not only an implicit act of humility, but it also gives you a margin of safety. It may turn out that you have missed something that your friend uncovers in the process of conversation. If you discover that your own ideas are compromised in some way, this could be embarrassing if you expressed them in a dogmatic, uncompromising way to begin with. Furthermore, you have little psychological liberty to adjust your views. 10
NARRATING THE DEBATE
Many people you talk to will struggle when you turn the tables by asking them to give evidence for the claims they make. When a person has not thought much about his own assertions, dodging your questions may be his only recourse. He may try to change the subject or reassert his point in other ways.
When this happens, it may be helpful for you to "narrate the debate." Take a moment to step outside of the conversation, in a sense, and describe to your friend the turn the discussion has taken. This will help him (and others listening in) see how he's gotten off course.
You can say something like, "I want you to notice what has just happened. First you made a fairly controversial statement, and I asked you a couple of questions about it. So far, you haven't answered them. Instead, you have taken off in another direction. Before we move on to a new topic, would it be okay with you if we finish the old one? I really am interested in your response."
Don't let your friend get off the hook by dodging the issues. This approach keeps the burden on him while keeping the conversation cordial. Encourage the other person to clarify himself. Forcing him to face the music may be the first step toward a change of mind.
When a cherished view is at stake, it’s not unusual for people to raise empty objections — objections that initially sound worthwhile, but simply can’t be defended once examined. Questions aimed at undermining the view often reveal a lack of substance behind the bluster.
WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER
In this chapter we learned how to employ Columbo to take us in an entirely new direction. Instead of using questions to gather information, we discovered that questions can be very effective to lead someone in the direction we want the conversation to go. Such "leading questions" often work better than statements to explain our view, to set up the discussion in a way that makes it easier for us to make our point, to soften our challenge to another's view, or to indirectly expose a flaw in the other's
There is one more way to soften your approach that, strictly speaking, may not involve Columbo (because it doesn't always use a question). Even so, it may serve a valuable tactical purpose. You may find yourself in a situation where either you can't think of a question or where it would seem awkward or contrived to use a question rather than simply stating your view.
In these circumstances, you need a genial way to introduce your point. Here are some recommendations you might want to consider:
• Let me suggest an alternative, and tell me if you think it's an improvement. If not, you can tell me why you think your option is better.
• I wouldn't characterize it that way. Here's what I think may be a better or more accurate way to look at it. Tell me what you think.
• I don't think that's going to work, and I'd like to suggest why. Is that okay with you?
• I'm not sure I agree with the way you put it. Think about this . . .
These statements protect you in an additional way. When you say something like, "It's my understanding that . . ." or "This is the way it seems to me," then explain your position and invite a response, you indicate you are provisional in your claims. Yes, you have convictions, but they are open to discussion.
This is not only an implicit act of humility, but it also gives you a margin of safety. It may turn out that you have missed something that your friend uncovers in the process of conversation. If you discover that your own ideas are compromised in some way, this could be embarrassing if you expressed them in a dogmatic, uncompromising way to begin with. Furthermore, you have little psychological liberty to adjust your views. 10
NARRATING THE DEBATE
Many people you talk to will struggle when you turn the tables by asking them to give evidence for the claims they make. When a person has not thought much about his own assertions, dodging your questions may be his only recourse. He may try to change the subject or reassert his point in other ways.
When this happens, it may be helpful for you to "narrate the debate." Take a moment to step outside of the conversation, in a sense, and describe to your friend the turn the discussion has taken. This will help him (and others listening in) see how he's gotten off course.
You can say something like, "I want you to notice what has just happened. First you made a fairly controversial statement, and I asked you a couple of questions about it. So far, you haven't answered them. Instead, you have taken off in another direction. Before we move on to a new topic, would it be okay with you if we finish the old one? I really am interested in your response."
Don't let your friend get off the hook by dodging the issues. This approach keeps the burden on him while keeping the conversation cordial. Encourage the other person to clarify himself. Forcing him to face the music may be the first step toward a change of mind.
When a cherished view is at stake, it’s not unusual for people to raise empty objections — objections that initially sound worthwhile, but simply can’t be defended once examined. Questions aimed at undermining the view often reveal a lack of substance behind the bluster.
WHAT WE LEARNED IN THIS CHAPTER
In this chapter we learned how to employ Columbo to take us in an entirely new direction. Instead of using questions to gather information, we discovered that questions can be very effective to lead someone in the direction we want the conversation to go. Such "leading questions" often work better than statements to explain our view, to set up the discussion in a way that makes it easier for us to make our point, to soften our challenge to another's view, or to indirectly expose a flaw in the other's
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