also humiliated. She had been so sure of her happiness.
She could understand now why her mother had not seemed as enthusiastic as she might have been about the marriage, and her father’s resentment at the speed at which it had taken place.
‘How right they were! How sensible!’ But she had not listened to them.
She thought how hard it would be to admit that she was wrong. How could she tell her parents, who loved her so deeply, that her marriage was already a failure before it had even started?
Yet to stay with Lord Colwall, knowing he wanted her for one reason and one reason only, would be an agony almost impossible to contemplate.
‘What shall I do? What shall I do?’ she asked herself, and then almost as if a voice answered her cry she seemed to hear the word “fight.”
Once again she knew she was sensing the answer of her Knight to her problem, sensing it so vividly that as had happened before, it was almost as if he spoke to her.
“Fight! Fight for what is right!”
She could hear her father saying all those years ago as they walked by the lake at Ullswater:
“Love is not only a sentimental and romantic emotion; it is an unsheathed sword that must thrust its way through to victory.”
In the darkness and despair within herself, Natalia felt a little glimmer of hope.
Could she fight? Was it possible to fight for Lord Colwall and to gain from him the love for which she longed?
Natalia sat very still, feeling the warmth from the fire on her face. In that moment she grew up!
She saw that her childish dreams were hollow, the delusions of an adolescent, the conceptions of a girl who knew nothing about the world or about men.
But as a woman, she knew that Lord Colwall was suffering. He had admitted his first marriage had been disastrous, and she knew now that it must have hurt him to the point where he would allow himself to be hurt no further.
That was the key to the problem—she was sure of it!
“I will fight,” she said aloud. “I will fight for his love, and somehow, I will win it!”
She glanced at the clock over the mantel-piece. It was still not very late and she knew if she went to bed she would be unable to sleep until she had learnt the cause for Lord Colwall’s rejection of love.
There was one person who could tell her, and she was certain that Nanny, having arthritis, would not be asleep.
Putting on a wrapper of heavy satin trimmed with lace, Natalia went to her door and opened it very quietly.
As she had expected, most of the candles in the silver sconces which lit the Hall and the passages had been extinguished.
But there was still enough light left for her to see her way towards the stairs up which the Housekeeper had taken her to the Nursery.
She climbed them quickly, feeling like a pale ghost flitting through the shadows of the Castle, and she hoped that no-one would see her.
She reached the next floor and, after considering a little, remembered exactly where the Nursery was situated.
She knocked lightly at the door, but there was no answer. After a moment she turned the handle and went in.
Nanny was sitting in an arm-chair in front of a brightly burning fire. There was some crochet on her lap, and she must have fallen asleep while she was working.
Natalia closed the door and the slight sound awakened her.
She sat up in surprise.
“Your Ladyship!” she exclaimed.
Natalia crossed to her side.
“I have come to see you because I want your help.”
Nanny looked at her face and in the tone of one who was used to dealing with the problems of children, she asked:
“What has happened? Is anything wrong?”
“Yes,” Natalia said frankly. “Something is very wrong and only you can help me.”
There was a low stool in front of the fire-place and she sat down on it clasping her hands around her knees.
Nanny made no suggestion of getting her a chair but gave Natalia all her attention as if she knew she was in fact a child in trouble.
“I want you to tell me”
She could understand now why her mother had not seemed as enthusiastic as she might have been about the marriage, and her father’s resentment at the speed at which it had taken place.
‘How right they were! How sensible!’ But she had not listened to them.
She thought how hard it would be to admit that she was wrong. How could she tell her parents, who loved her so deeply, that her marriage was already a failure before it had even started?
Yet to stay with Lord Colwall, knowing he wanted her for one reason and one reason only, would be an agony almost impossible to contemplate.
‘What shall I do? What shall I do?’ she asked herself, and then almost as if a voice answered her cry she seemed to hear the word “fight.”
Once again she knew she was sensing the answer of her Knight to her problem, sensing it so vividly that as had happened before, it was almost as if he spoke to her.
“Fight! Fight for what is right!”
She could hear her father saying all those years ago as they walked by the lake at Ullswater:
“Love is not only a sentimental and romantic emotion; it is an unsheathed sword that must thrust its way through to victory.”
In the darkness and despair within herself, Natalia felt a little glimmer of hope.
Could she fight? Was it possible to fight for Lord Colwall and to gain from him the love for which she longed?
Natalia sat very still, feeling the warmth from the fire on her face. In that moment she grew up!
She saw that her childish dreams were hollow, the delusions of an adolescent, the conceptions of a girl who knew nothing about the world or about men.
But as a woman, she knew that Lord Colwall was suffering. He had admitted his first marriage had been disastrous, and she knew now that it must have hurt him to the point where he would allow himself to be hurt no further.
That was the key to the problem—she was sure of it!
“I will fight,” she said aloud. “I will fight for his love, and somehow, I will win it!”
She glanced at the clock over the mantel-piece. It was still not very late and she knew if she went to bed she would be unable to sleep until she had learnt the cause for Lord Colwall’s rejection of love.
There was one person who could tell her, and she was certain that Nanny, having arthritis, would not be asleep.
Putting on a wrapper of heavy satin trimmed with lace, Natalia went to her door and opened it very quietly.
As she had expected, most of the candles in the silver sconces which lit the Hall and the passages had been extinguished.
But there was still enough light left for her to see her way towards the stairs up which the Housekeeper had taken her to the Nursery.
She climbed them quickly, feeling like a pale ghost flitting through the shadows of the Castle, and she hoped that no-one would see her.
She reached the next floor and, after considering a little, remembered exactly where the Nursery was situated.
She knocked lightly at the door, but there was no answer. After a moment she turned the handle and went in.
Nanny was sitting in an arm-chair in front of a brightly burning fire. There was some crochet on her lap, and she must have fallen asleep while she was working.
Natalia closed the door and the slight sound awakened her.
She sat up in surprise.
“Your Ladyship!” she exclaimed.
Natalia crossed to her side.
“I have come to see you because I want your help.”
Nanny looked at her face and in the tone of one who was used to dealing with the problems of children, she asked:
“What has happened? Is anything wrong?”
“Yes,” Natalia said frankly. “Something is very wrong and only you can help me.”
There was a low stool in front of the fire-place and she sat down on it clasping her hands around her knees.
Nanny made no suggestion of getting her a chair but gave Natalia all her attention as if she knew she was in fact a child in trouble.
“I want you to tell me”
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