wouldn’t
he? You’re gorgeous.”
“But?”
“Well…”
“Go on.” Catherine spoke gently as she always did,
but I could tell she was getting angry. “Say it, Lizzie. Say what’s on your
mind.”
When people say that they never actually mean it.
The last thing Catherine really wanted was to hear what was on my mind. “Nothing,”
I said. “It’s nothing. I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”
“When I first met him I had nothing,” Catherine
continued, ignoring me. “I was living like a student, in a shared house, in a
rough part of London. And I was on the dole…”
“You had just finished drama school. You were
looking for acting work.”
“But I wasn’t getting any! At least, I wasn’t
getting paid for anything I did. I was just bumming around. Martin sorted my
life out, showed me that I needed to work, helped me get a job...”
“You hate your work, Catherine. You’re a trained
actress and you’ve settled for being a secretary.”
“I’m a PA, not a secretary. And I don’t hate it. Anyway,
there’s nothing wrong with being a secretary, Lizzie. Not everyone has to be a
high flier like you.”
I sighed. Here we go again, I thought. Where have
I heard this before? “No they don’t,” I said. “And no, of course there’s
nothing wrong with being a secretary if you want to be a secretary. Or a PA. It’s
a good job. If that’s what your goal is. But it’s not yours.”
“It’s not what I want to do for ever, no, but…”
“When was the last time you performed?”
“I’m looking into that. I am applying for parts. But
it’s tricky, because you can’t tour when you’re working and there’s a lot of
competition for the local theatre parts. Anyway, we’re getting off the point. The
point is that Martin has done a lot for me. I had nothing when I met him, now
I’ve got a man who loves me, a home, a job…”
“Okay, okay,” I said, putting my hands up.
Catherine looked up at me. “When you are in a
relationship there have to be some compromises, you know.”
“What are you saying?” I asked her. “That I’m
uncompromising? That I should have tried harder with Larsen, given up more for
him?”
“No. I’m not saying that. That’s you and Larsen. That’s
different. You wanted different things. But this is what I want. Martin. Me. A
life together.” She paused and neither of us spoke for a moment or two. “Look,
I know you didn’t get a very good welcome when you came over that time, but he
was just worried, that’s all. He came back late at night and I wasn’t there. He
didn’t know where I was. And that was my fault for not leaving a note…”
“You weren’t expecting him back till the following
day! Why would you leave a note?”
“Well, that doesn’t alter the fact that he was
worried. Anything could have happened to me.”
“He knew you were going out with me,” I argued. “That’s
what you told me.”
“Not till that late, though!”
I sighed.
“Look Lizzie, I don’t know what you’ve got against
him. It wasn’t personal, him shutting the door on you like that. He likes you. When
I told him I was coming over today to help you pack he offered to come and help
too, straight away.”
I sighed again, lost for words.
“I said we could manage - and he had to go to
work, so he couldn’t come, not really, but he offered all the same and was even
willing to get his shift covered. To help you. I told him he didn’t need to,
but he wanted to, that’s the point.”
The doorbell rang. I jumped down, grateful for the
interruption, and went to answer it, moving a box of books to one side with my
toe as I walked through the living room. Catherine followed me, padding softly across
the carpet behind me. I felt upset and uncomfortable. I didn’t want my mistrust
of Martin to drive a wedge between us, but I knew that Catherine sensed it and it
was hard not to speak my mind. Until it was spoken about, the wedge was there in
any
he? You’re gorgeous.”
“But?”
“Well…”
“Go on.” Catherine spoke gently as she always did,
but I could tell she was getting angry. “Say it, Lizzie. Say what’s on your
mind.”
When people say that they never actually mean it.
The last thing Catherine really wanted was to hear what was on my mind. “Nothing,”
I said. “It’s nothing. I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”
“When I first met him I had nothing,” Catherine
continued, ignoring me. “I was living like a student, in a shared house, in a
rough part of London. And I was on the dole…”
“You had just finished drama school. You were
looking for acting work.”
“But I wasn’t getting any! At least, I wasn’t
getting paid for anything I did. I was just bumming around. Martin sorted my
life out, showed me that I needed to work, helped me get a job...”
“You hate your work, Catherine. You’re a trained
actress and you’ve settled for being a secretary.”
“I’m a PA, not a secretary. And I don’t hate it. Anyway,
there’s nothing wrong with being a secretary, Lizzie. Not everyone has to be a
high flier like you.”
I sighed. Here we go again, I thought. Where have
I heard this before? “No they don’t,” I said. “And no, of course there’s
nothing wrong with being a secretary if you want to be a secretary. Or a PA. It’s
a good job. If that’s what your goal is. But it’s not yours.”
“It’s not what I want to do for ever, no, but…”
“When was the last time you performed?”
“I’m looking into that. I am applying for parts. But
it’s tricky, because you can’t tour when you’re working and there’s a lot of
competition for the local theatre parts. Anyway, we’re getting off the point. The
point is that Martin has done a lot for me. I had nothing when I met him, now
I’ve got a man who loves me, a home, a job…”
“Okay, okay,” I said, putting my hands up.
Catherine looked up at me. “When you are in a
relationship there have to be some compromises, you know.”
“What are you saying?” I asked her. “That I’m
uncompromising? That I should have tried harder with Larsen, given up more for
him?”
“No. I’m not saying that. That’s you and Larsen. That’s
different. You wanted different things. But this is what I want. Martin. Me. A
life together.” She paused and neither of us spoke for a moment or two. “Look,
I know you didn’t get a very good welcome when you came over that time, but he
was just worried, that’s all. He came back late at night and I wasn’t there. He
didn’t know where I was. And that was my fault for not leaving a note…”
“You weren’t expecting him back till the following
day! Why would you leave a note?”
“Well, that doesn’t alter the fact that he was
worried. Anything could have happened to me.”
“He knew you were going out with me,” I argued. “That’s
what you told me.”
“Not till that late, though!”
I sighed.
“Look Lizzie, I don’t know what you’ve got against
him. It wasn’t personal, him shutting the door on you like that. He likes you. When
I told him I was coming over today to help you pack he offered to come and help
too, straight away.”
I sighed again, lost for words.
“I said we could manage - and he had to go to
work, so he couldn’t come, not really, but he offered all the same and was even
willing to get his shift covered. To help you. I told him he didn’t need to,
but he wanted to, that’s the point.”
The doorbell rang. I jumped down, grateful for the
interruption, and went to answer it, moving a box of books to one side with my
toe as I walked through the living room. Catherine followed me, padding softly across
the carpet behind me. I felt upset and uncomfortable. I didn’t want my mistrust
of Martin to drive a wedge between us, but I knew that Catherine sensed it and it
was hard not to speak my mind. Until it was spoken about, the wedge was there in
any
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