care.
We were both silent as he pulled the vehicle onto the highway in the direction of Auckland City. My brief attempt at escape had backfired. The first time I'd ever dropped a persona, taken on a new one, and had to backtrack. Inside me, I was still Abi Merchant, but outside I was Chrystal "Chrissie" Kerr. I'd missed an afternoon of work, without phoning Angela to give her the heads up. Kelly would be wondering where I was, no doubt aware of my failure to appear at Pennyworth's and now close to one in the morning, still not coming home.
Even if I had every desire to return to Abi's life, it wasn't going to be smooth sailing. I sighed. It sounded loud in the confines of the car.
"What's up, red?" Ben asked, adjusting the heat vents so warm air washed out across me and kept me toasty.
"Life is hard," I admitted softly.
"That it is," Ben replied, returning his hand to the steering wheel, the other resting along the window ledge. I expected him to add more to that statement, but he didn't. He had no words of condolence, no words of comfort to keep me buoyed up. Just the simple knowledge that he agreed. That I was right. That life was indeed hard.
"I'm tired of hard," I admitted, for some reason wanting to fill in the silence with inane conversation, it seemed.
Ben's eyes flicked over to my side of the car briefly, then returned to the road out front.
"Do you want me to drop you at Kelly's?" he asked, voice low.
"Where else is there?" I said, staring blindly out the side window, watching dark shapes rush past in a blur.
Ben rolled his head on his shoulders, the movement making the leather squeak slightly.
"If you wanna time-out for a bit, you could crash at my place."
The air felt charged after that unbelievable statement. I don't think it was only me holding my breath. It took a concerted effort to turn in my seat and face him. His jaw was set, brow furrowed and knuckles almost white on the steering wheel before him.
I opened my mouth to give him the out he obviously needed, from the look of his stiff frame right now. And then I thought of his speech. How I'd lived a lifetime in the past five years, and yet I hadn't lived at all. I thought of all the opportunities I'd passed up, for fear of distraction, for fear of falling in a trap and being caught. And lastly, I thought of my vivid lifelike dreams. Ben Tamati may not be everything I wanted him to be, I couldn't be sure, he wasn't giving much away. But I wanted him , like I had never wanted a man before.
And I think he wanted me too.
"What are you asking, Ben?" The words were out before I could second guess them.
His eyes flashed to mine, and for longer than they should have, locked on to my face. I almost began to feel anxious that he wasn't watching where we were driving, but at the last second, before I could scold him, he flicked his gaze back to the road.
"What do you want me to be asking, Abi?" he said, voice still sexy low, rough and delicious. It wasn't lost on me that it was the first time he'd called me by my name. Not my real name, but the name of the person I would be when we made it back to Auckland.
I almost didn't do it. This was so far out of my comfort zone, it wasn't funny. But I wanted that feeling Ben had unleashed in me, that sensation of being alive , to last. I wanted the dreams to become reality. And to do that, I had to jump off the end of the world.
"Just a place to crash, or more?" I whispered. It sounded a little husky, I licked my lips to moisten them, in the hopes my throat would miraculously unstick as well.
Ben took a couple of deep breaths in and out. I could actually see them, through the rise and fall of his chest. He didn't look at me, his eyes were all for the road ahead, but he was as aware of me as I was of him, I was sure.
Finally, after so, so very long, he murmured, "More."
If I was falling off the end of the world, it felt amazing. A rush I had never experienced in my life before. And in that moment, I knew, Ben
We were both silent as he pulled the vehicle onto the highway in the direction of Auckland City. My brief attempt at escape had backfired. The first time I'd ever dropped a persona, taken on a new one, and had to backtrack. Inside me, I was still Abi Merchant, but outside I was Chrystal "Chrissie" Kerr. I'd missed an afternoon of work, without phoning Angela to give her the heads up. Kelly would be wondering where I was, no doubt aware of my failure to appear at Pennyworth's and now close to one in the morning, still not coming home.
Even if I had every desire to return to Abi's life, it wasn't going to be smooth sailing. I sighed. It sounded loud in the confines of the car.
"What's up, red?" Ben asked, adjusting the heat vents so warm air washed out across me and kept me toasty.
"Life is hard," I admitted softly.
"That it is," Ben replied, returning his hand to the steering wheel, the other resting along the window ledge. I expected him to add more to that statement, but he didn't. He had no words of condolence, no words of comfort to keep me buoyed up. Just the simple knowledge that he agreed. That I was right. That life was indeed hard.
"I'm tired of hard," I admitted, for some reason wanting to fill in the silence with inane conversation, it seemed.
Ben's eyes flicked over to my side of the car briefly, then returned to the road out front.
"Do you want me to drop you at Kelly's?" he asked, voice low.
"Where else is there?" I said, staring blindly out the side window, watching dark shapes rush past in a blur.
Ben rolled his head on his shoulders, the movement making the leather squeak slightly.
"If you wanna time-out for a bit, you could crash at my place."
The air felt charged after that unbelievable statement. I don't think it was only me holding my breath. It took a concerted effort to turn in my seat and face him. His jaw was set, brow furrowed and knuckles almost white on the steering wheel before him.
I opened my mouth to give him the out he obviously needed, from the look of his stiff frame right now. And then I thought of his speech. How I'd lived a lifetime in the past five years, and yet I hadn't lived at all. I thought of all the opportunities I'd passed up, for fear of distraction, for fear of falling in a trap and being caught. And lastly, I thought of my vivid lifelike dreams. Ben Tamati may not be everything I wanted him to be, I couldn't be sure, he wasn't giving much away. But I wanted him , like I had never wanted a man before.
And I think he wanted me too.
"What are you asking, Ben?" The words were out before I could second guess them.
His eyes flashed to mine, and for longer than they should have, locked on to my face. I almost began to feel anxious that he wasn't watching where we were driving, but at the last second, before I could scold him, he flicked his gaze back to the road.
"What do you want me to be asking, Abi?" he said, voice still sexy low, rough and delicious. It wasn't lost on me that it was the first time he'd called me by my name. Not my real name, but the name of the person I would be when we made it back to Auckland.
I almost didn't do it. This was so far out of my comfort zone, it wasn't funny. But I wanted that feeling Ben had unleashed in me, that sensation of being alive , to last. I wanted the dreams to become reality. And to do that, I had to jump off the end of the world.
"Just a place to crash, or more?" I whispered. It sounded a little husky, I licked my lips to moisten them, in the hopes my throat would miraculously unstick as well.
Ben took a couple of deep breaths in and out. I could actually see them, through the rise and fall of his chest. He didn't look at me, his eyes were all for the road ahead, but he was as aware of me as I was of him, I was sure.
Finally, after so, so very long, he murmured, "More."
If I was falling off the end of the world, it felt amazing. A rush I had never experienced in my life before. And in that moment, I knew, Ben
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