bad - I couldn't walk away from this.
I can't exactly say I've lived a sheltered life. Even before Roan appeared at the end of my bed, I knew what world I lived in. My father tried to keep the worst of it from me. All those who lived on the Compound and had kids, did pretty much the same thing. And those kids that embraced the lifestyle, I avoided. Still, I knew what they were up to, even if I didn't know the specifics.
Then when I left, ran away, into the big wide world of New Zealand, I saw all aspects of "normal" life. And you can hardly say I haven't had an education in reality during that time. But, right now, even though I am not an innocent in the ways of the world, I was acutely aware that I also was not an expert either. I'd had a few affairs, lowered my guard enough to experience life. But always, always , with my eyes on the horizon and my awareness on my surroundings.
I have never let go of that. That need to be careful, to not trust, to never open up to another. To never forget why I was running, and why I couldn't stop.
Except in my dreams.
And I didn't feel like I was stopping now, I still had every intention of grabbing Chrystal's ID when it was finished. But, I had never stood so close to the fire before, and welcomed the burn. Ben was more than fire, he was an inferno. He was following me for a reason I had yet to determine. But how does that saying go? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Not one my father had ever employed, but it felt appropriate here. Or maybe I just wanted it to be.
And I was tired. So very tired of running. I just needed a rest, for a short while, to replenish my reserves. Then I could face the next few years. I was sure of it. Ben was going to be my recharge. A chance to let my guard down in some ways, while still keeping options open for escape. If I could just get through the next three days until my ID was ready, using Ben as my shield, as the giant who stands between me and Roan, then I might just make it out of here alive.
I could never trust him. But then, he should never trust me either. I am a survivor. And I will do whatever I need to do to survive.
As Auckland's glowing skyline came into our line of sight, I was happy with where I had got my head to. I knew what I was doing was dangerous, but part of me recognised the danger for what it was. The reason behind feeling alive. Ben was forbidden, perilous, captivating fruit. I couldn't forget that, but I also knew I couldn't walk away either.
He'd gone very quiet since we'd had our little moment on the side of the road. Not that I was much of a conversationalist right now, too wrapped up in my head to talk. But I noticed the closer we got to the city, the tighter he held onto that steering wheel. The whiter his knuckles became. I may have got my head in the right space to do this, to taste the forbidden fruit. But I was thinking Ben was having second thoughts.
I decided to distract him, but even as I opened my mouth, I had no idea how to achieve that.
"So, where do you live?" I asked the first thing that popped into my head, shifting on my seat to be able to gauge his emotions by the look on his face and stance of his body.
He cleared his throat. "Downtown."
I paused, waiting for more information, like say, an address. Nothing. I pulled my satchel closer, hugging it to my chest.
"When did you first start following me?" I asked, and then promptly frowned. Distracting him did not involve reminding him of why he shouldn't take me to his bed.
His fingers flexed on the steering wheel and he stretched his neck.
"The day you tried a Raspberry Mocha for the first time at Sweet Seduction."
There were so many things to take in from that short sentence. The fact that I tried that drink three weeks ago. The fact that he knew I hadn't tried it before. The fact that he remembered such details. The fact that I couldn't remember feeling that itch between my shoulder blades that day at all. He'd been shadowing me
I can't exactly say I've lived a sheltered life. Even before Roan appeared at the end of my bed, I knew what world I lived in. My father tried to keep the worst of it from me. All those who lived on the Compound and had kids, did pretty much the same thing. And those kids that embraced the lifestyle, I avoided. Still, I knew what they were up to, even if I didn't know the specifics.
Then when I left, ran away, into the big wide world of New Zealand, I saw all aspects of "normal" life. And you can hardly say I haven't had an education in reality during that time. But, right now, even though I am not an innocent in the ways of the world, I was acutely aware that I also was not an expert either. I'd had a few affairs, lowered my guard enough to experience life. But always, always , with my eyes on the horizon and my awareness on my surroundings.
I have never let go of that. That need to be careful, to not trust, to never open up to another. To never forget why I was running, and why I couldn't stop.
Except in my dreams.
And I didn't feel like I was stopping now, I still had every intention of grabbing Chrystal's ID when it was finished. But, I had never stood so close to the fire before, and welcomed the burn. Ben was more than fire, he was an inferno. He was following me for a reason I had yet to determine. But how does that saying go? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
Not one my father had ever employed, but it felt appropriate here. Or maybe I just wanted it to be.
And I was tired. So very tired of running. I just needed a rest, for a short while, to replenish my reserves. Then I could face the next few years. I was sure of it. Ben was going to be my recharge. A chance to let my guard down in some ways, while still keeping options open for escape. If I could just get through the next three days until my ID was ready, using Ben as my shield, as the giant who stands between me and Roan, then I might just make it out of here alive.
I could never trust him. But then, he should never trust me either. I am a survivor. And I will do whatever I need to do to survive.
As Auckland's glowing skyline came into our line of sight, I was happy with where I had got my head to. I knew what I was doing was dangerous, but part of me recognised the danger for what it was. The reason behind feeling alive. Ben was forbidden, perilous, captivating fruit. I couldn't forget that, but I also knew I couldn't walk away either.
He'd gone very quiet since we'd had our little moment on the side of the road. Not that I was much of a conversationalist right now, too wrapped up in my head to talk. But I noticed the closer we got to the city, the tighter he held onto that steering wheel. The whiter his knuckles became. I may have got my head in the right space to do this, to taste the forbidden fruit. But I was thinking Ben was having second thoughts.
I decided to distract him, but even as I opened my mouth, I had no idea how to achieve that.
"So, where do you live?" I asked the first thing that popped into my head, shifting on my seat to be able to gauge his emotions by the look on his face and stance of his body.
He cleared his throat. "Downtown."
I paused, waiting for more information, like say, an address. Nothing. I pulled my satchel closer, hugging it to my chest.
"When did you first start following me?" I asked, and then promptly frowned. Distracting him did not involve reminding him of why he shouldn't take me to his bed.
His fingers flexed on the steering wheel and he stretched his neck.
"The day you tried a Raspberry Mocha for the first time at Sweet Seduction."
There were so many things to take in from that short sentence. The fact that I tried that drink three weeks ago. The fact that he knew I hadn't tried it before. The fact that he remembered such details. The fact that I couldn't remember feeling that itch between my shoulder blades that day at all. He'd been shadowing me
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