WHY, but I felt an enormous sense of relief when I saw Danny’s car outside Nick’s place. His mother looked worried when I called over earlier to their house looking for him.
‘Hi Nick,’ I say. ‘Is Danny there?’
‘We’re just on the way out, Ruby,’ Nick says.
‘And what? I can’t see him?’
Nick looks a little uptight. Even more uptight than usual. ‘No, of course not,’ he says, and then turns around and calls him.
Danny’s followed by the other two. They’re giddy as freakin’ schoolboys. I see Charlie pushing Liam into Danny, and he giggles. Charlie kills his grin as soon as he sees me.
‘Hey, babe,’ Danny says, ‘we’re just on the way out.’
‘Yeah, so Nick told me.’
He takes his car keys out of his pocket. ‘So, we’ll talk later, okay?’
‘No, Danny.’
There’s a moment’s pause in which everyone sobers up. Danny and I look at each other and then he looks at the ground. Nick breaks the silence.
‘We’ll wait in the car, Danny,’ he says, and puts his hand out for the keys. Danny doesn’t move, so Nick just takes the keys out of his hand, and the others push by him. They say hello to me, to be fair, but I ignore them.
Danny always does this thing when he’s fucked up, and knows he’s fucked up, even if he doesn’t know when or what he’s actually fucked up. He just freezes and sort of shuts down mentally. I can picture him as a little school boy, whenever a teacher gave him shit, and he’d just lower his head and hope that when he looked up, it’d all be over. Avoidance as a form of defence.
‘Danny we need to talk.’
‘Okay,’ he says, ‘let’s talk.’
‘I don’t want to do this here.’
‘Do this?’ he says and looks at me again. ‘Ah for fuck sake. Are you breaking up with me?’
‘I don’t want to, Danny.’
‘Yeah, yeah. I know. You don’t want to, but you are.’
‘It’s not like that.’
‘For fuck sake, Ruby. I know I haven’t been around much.’
‘Haven’t been around much? I hardly ever see you anymore.’
‘Please, Ruby, don’t. I just...’
‘Danny, I’m not breaking up with you.’
‘No?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Really?’
‘I do love you. Whatever happens, I do love you,’ I say.
‘What is it?’
‘We just need to talk.’
‘Is there someone else? Is that what this is about?’
‘Can we meet later?’
‘No, I can’t. I’m busy later with the lads.’
‘Well that’s a big fucking surprise.’
‘Look, we’re doing something later. Honest. I’m sorry. Just tell me now.’
I look over and see the others in the car.
‘No, not here.’
He takes my hands and looks at me with those brown eyes of his that I just can’t resist. I sigh. A relief flows over me as if I’ve been holding my breath all this time.
‘I’m pregnant.’
He lets go of my hands and steps back. The color he’s picked up after all this nice sunshine evaporates right off his face. I wasn’t expecting that reaction, but then that wasn’t the part I had been thinking about telling him.
‘Holy fuck. How did that happen? I mean I know how it happened... are you sure?’
‘Yeah. I’m positive.’
‘I wasn’t expecting that.’
‘Neither was I.’
He lets out a deep breath. ‘Jesus, you’re after knocking the wind right out of me. I mean, it’s okay. No, sorry, I mean it’s more than okay. It’s great.’
He reaches over and gives me a loving hug. Inside I’m... I think I’m going to vomit, but hold it in behind a forced smile.
‘Well done. Or congratulations or something. Wow, me a dad. Did you tell anyone yet? Did you tell your mum?’
‘No, not yet?
‘She’s going to go nuts.’
‘No shit.’
He has a big stupid smile all over his face, and takes my hands again. ‘My dad will go mad. Or not. Wow. You haven’t told anyone yet?’
‘No, well, except...’
‘Except who?’
I bow my head, and hold my face with my hands. I cry because I’m supposed to cry, but no tears come. He hugs
‘Hi Nick,’ I say. ‘Is Danny there?’
‘We’re just on the way out, Ruby,’ Nick says.
‘And what? I can’t see him?’
Nick looks a little uptight. Even more uptight than usual. ‘No, of course not,’ he says, and then turns around and calls him.
Danny’s followed by the other two. They’re giddy as freakin’ schoolboys. I see Charlie pushing Liam into Danny, and he giggles. Charlie kills his grin as soon as he sees me.
‘Hey, babe,’ Danny says, ‘we’re just on the way out.’
‘Yeah, so Nick told me.’
He takes his car keys out of his pocket. ‘So, we’ll talk later, okay?’
‘No, Danny.’
There’s a moment’s pause in which everyone sobers up. Danny and I look at each other and then he looks at the ground. Nick breaks the silence.
‘We’ll wait in the car, Danny,’ he says, and puts his hand out for the keys. Danny doesn’t move, so Nick just takes the keys out of his hand, and the others push by him. They say hello to me, to be fair, but I ignore them.
Danny always does this thing when he’s fucked up, and knows he’s fucked up, even if he doesn’t know when or what he’s actually fucked up. He just freezes and sort of shuts down mentally. I can picture him as a little school boy, whenever a teacher gave him shit, and he’d just lower his head and hope that when he looked up, it’d all be over. Avoidance as a form of defence.
‘Danny we need to talk.’
‘Okay,’ he says, ‘let’s talk.’
‘I don’t want to do this here.’
‘Do this?’ he says and looks at me again. ‘Ah for fuck sake. Are you breaking up with me?’
‘I don’t want to, Danny.’
‘Yeah, yeah. I know. You don’t want to, but you are.’
‘It’s not like that.’
‘For fuck sake, Ruby. I know I haven’t been around much.’
‘Haven’t been around much? I hardly ever see you anymore.’
‘Please, Ruby, don’t. I just...’
‘Danny, I’m not breaking up with you.’
‘No?’
‘Of course not.’
‘Really?’
‘I do love you. Whatever happens, I do love you,’ I say.
‘What is it?’
‘We just need to talk.’
‘Is there someone else? Is that what this is about?’
‘Can we meet later?’
‘No, I can’t. I’m busy later with the lads.’
‘Well that’s a big fucking surprise.’
‘Look, we’re doing something later. Honest. I’m sorry. Just tell me now.’
I look over and see the others in the car.
‘No, not here.’
He takes my hands and looks at me with those brown eyes of his that I just can’t resist. I sigh. A relief flows over me as if I’ve been holding my breath all this time.
‘I’m pregnant.’
He lets go of my hands and steps back. The color he’s picked up after all this nice sunshine evaporates right off his face. I wasn’t expecting that reaction, but then that wasn’t the part I had been thinking about telling him.
‘Holy fuck. How did that happen? I mean I know how it happened... are you sure?’
‘Yeah. I’m positive.’
‘I wasn’t expecting that.’
‘Neither was I.’
He lets out a deep breath. ‘Jesus, you’re after knocking the wind right out of me. I mean, it’s okay. No, sorry, I mean it’s more than okay. It’s great.’
He reaches over and gives me a loving hug. Inside I’m... I think I’m going to vomit, but hold it in behind a forced smile.
‘Well done. Or congratulations or something. Wow, me a dad. Did you tell anyone yet? Did you tell your mum?’
‘No, not yet?
‘She’s going to go nuts.’
‘No shit.’
He has a big stupid smile all over his face, and takes my hands again. ‘My dad will go mad. Or not. Wow. You haven’t told anyone yet?’
‘No, well, except...’
‘Except who?’
I bow my head, and hold my face with my hands. I cry because I’m supposed to cry, but no tears come. He hugs
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