“Honey, it’s their way. The club way. It’s what their fathers did and their fathers before them probably; it’s all they’ve ever known and it is drilled into them when they join. What happens in the club stays in the club. And if you can’t live with that you should never date another member again.”
My natural reaction to all of this would normally be to continue arguing but I decided that perhaps it was time to start listening to my mother. She had been living this life for a long time and knew what she was on about. I had been fighting these ways for so long and it had gotten me nowhere. So, I took a deep breath and asked her a question. “How do you live with the shit that goes on? How do you deal, knowing what Dad is capable of?”
She didn’t skip a beat, “We’re all capable of bad stuff, Maddy, but the shit they do is done for a reason. We’ve got a lifestyle that needs protecting, and your Dad and the boys aren’t afraid to protect it and us. I deal with that by choosing to love your father unconditionally and I make no apologies for it. When you really love a person you trust them, and believe in them and everything they do.” She cocked her head and gave me a quizzical look, “Are you thinking of getting back with J? Is that what all this is about?”
“I don’t know what is happening with J. What I do know is that I need to find a way to be okay with what they do.” And yeah, I also needed to decide if I wanted to be with J again but I was keeping that to myself for now.
“Nothing’s fucking happening with J.” We both jumped as the snarl of Nix’s voice swept through the room.
I screamed just as one of his guys grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth with his hand. Fear sliced through me, and the stench of sweat and tobacco overwhelmed me. Nausea hit and then the blackness took over.
*****
W hen I came to, I was tied to a chair and Nix was standing in front of me. He was leaning down into my face; his hot, acrid breath filling my senses. His eyes were crazy; fuck, he was crazy. Mad. Demented.
Panic gripped my gut, because I knew in that instant that I was as good as dead.
He ran a calloused finger down my cheek. “Madison, you came back to me.”
Oh, God. He really was whacked in the head if he thought that. I didn’t say anything, just maintained eye contact with him.
He stood up straight, and my eyes followed him. He looked to his right, and I realised that my mother was also here, tied to a chair. She had tape covering her mouth and blood coming from her head. I had been lucky to avoid all that. Her eyes were closed and she was slumped in her chair.
Nix nodded at a guy who was near my Mum. A silent command flowed between them, and the guy hurried off. My foggy brain slowed my thinking and I gave up wondering what that was all about.
Nix turned his attention back to me. “I’ve missed you, Madison. Bec kept me company for awhile, but she could never replace you or what we had. That bitch tried to fuck me over,” he was rambling, and then he laughed shrilly. “She got what she fucking deserved in the end.” His eyes glinted; he was terrifying me, just from his body language.
I didn’t want to talk to him, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What are you going to do to us, Nix?” I needed to know.
“I haven’t quite worked out what I will do with you, but your mother is an unnecessary burden to us, wouldn’t you say. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me before, so I had to fucking knock her out. I don’t need the headache,” he replied, and the nausea hit me at the thought of him killing my Mum.
“Let her go, and I will do whatever you say,” I frantically tried to negotiate with him.
He threw his head back and laughed. Then his face contorted into an evil mask and he sneered, “You’ll do whatever the fuck I say anyway, bitch. I’m not fucking bargaining with you
My natural reaction to all of this would normally be to continue arguing but I decided that perhaps it was time to start listening to my mother. She had been living this life for a long time and knew what she was on about. I had been fighting these ways for so long and it had gotten me nowhere. So, I took a deep breath and asked her a question. “How do you live with the shit that goes on? How do you deal, knowing what Dad is capable of?”
She didn’t skip a beat, “We’re all capable of bad stuff, Maddy, but the shit they do is done for a reason. We’ve got a lifestyle that needs protecting, and your Dad and the boys aren’t afraid to protect it and us. I deal with that by choosing to love your father unconditionally and I make no apologies for it. When you really love a person you trust them, and believe in them and everything they do.” She cocked her head and gave me a quizzical look, “Are you thinking of getting back with J? Is that what all this is about?”
“I don’t know what is happening with J. What I do know is that I need to find a way to be okay with what they do.” And yeah, I also needed to decide if I wanted to be with J again but I was keeping that to myself for now.
“Nothing’s fucking happening with J.” We both jumped as the snarl of Nix’s voice swept through the room.
I screamed just as one of his guys grabbed me from behind and covered my mouth with his hand. Fear sliced through me, and the stench of sweat and tobacco overwhelmed me. Nausea hit and then the blackness took over.
*****
W hen I came to, I was tied to a chair and Nix was standing in front of me. He was leaning down into my face; his hot, acrid breath filling my senses. His eyes were crazy; fuck, he was crazy. Mad. Demented.
Panic gripped my gut, because I knew in that instant that I was as good as dead.
He ran a calloused finger down my cheek. “Madison, you came back to me.”
Oh, God. He really was whacked in the head if he thought that. I didn’t say anything, just maintained eye contact with him.
He stood up straight, and my eyes followed him. He looked to his right, and I realised that my mother was also here, tied to a chair. She had tape covering her mouth and blood coming from her head. I had been lucky to avoid all that. Her eyes were closed and she was slumped in her chair.
Nix nodded at a guy who was near my Mum. A silent command flowed between them, and the guy hurried off. My foggy brain slowed my thinking and I gave up wondering what that was all about.
Nix turned his attention back to me. “I’ve missed you, Madison. Bec kept me company for awhile, but she could never replace you or what we had. That bitch tried to fuck me over,” he was rambling, and then he laughed shrilly. “She got what she fucking deserved in the end.” His eyes glinted; he was terrifying me, just from his body language.
I didn’t want to talk to him, but I couldn’t stop myself. “What are you going to do to us, Nix?” I needed to know.
“I haven’t quite worked out what I will do with you, but your mother is an unnecessary burden to us, wouldn’t you say. She wouldn’t stop yelling at me before, so I had to fucking knock her out. I don’t need the headache,” he replied, and the nausea hit me at the thought of him killing my Mum.
“Let her go, and I will do whatever you say,” I frantically tried to negotiate with him.
He threw his head back and laughed. Then his face contorted into an evil mask and he sneered, “You’ll do whatever the fuck I say anyway, bitch. I’m not fucking bargaining with you
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