he's dead.
"I can't even imagine what that would be like, losing a parent. I sometimes wish I could die before anyone in my family does. Is that weird?" He looked at me with serious dark eyes. The thought of losing Todd, or anyone for that matter again, had pressure building in my chest. I had to inhale deeply to release the building anxiety. Chill Lily.
I shook my head. "Not weird, no. Morbid maybe." An awkward giggle escaped my lips.
"Hey, shit happens, you know? But life moves on, and you have to just keep floating." Todd gave my thigh a comforting squeeze with his broad palm. "Well, that's what my mom always says."
"She sounds like a smart lady." He took my hand in his and entwined our fingers, the small gesture completely filling the moment. Just an hour ago we were linked in the most intimate way possible, but him here, holding my hand, felt more real, and I have never had real before.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Todd
L ILY RAISED OUR JOINED HANDS AND brushed her lips across my knuckles, her mouth was like satin against my coarse skin, and it felt fucking outstanding. I was starting to feel something again, and I wasn't sure if I should be scared or just run with it. I decided then that I had nothing left to lose. I've failed miserably at being happy, at being anything more than just okay. I needed to jump off the platform, find my groove. I felt as if I was back at a swim meet, waiting for the blow of the whistle, for the water to run through my fingers as I pushed myself fast through the impossible current created by those around me swimming also. I could do this. I wanted this win. I needed this win.
"You have tomorrow off?" I asked.
"Yes." Lily's eyes met mine. It was time to say goodbye, but it was like we were stupid teenagers on a first date and neither one of us wanted to be the first to say goodbye.
"See you Tuesday." I leaned across the car again, and she met me in the middle. I searched her face, memorizing the four freckles on her nose, the slightly bigger freckle that sat right in that small divot above her upper lip, and the divine mix of colors that shone bright from her happy eyes before I brought my lips to hers one last time tonight. Her kisses felt infinite. She pulled back, and her smile hit me straight in the chest. Oh yeah, I wanted this win real fucking bad.
L ILY LOOKED SO DAMN sexy tonight; her sweater was low cut, and the dark green color made her wild red hair stand out more. She had her hair down, the curls were everywhere, and I loved it. My eyes never left her as I finished setting up the equipment for tonight's show. The bar was packed, it usually was when we played, but tonight it annoyed the shit out of me. I hadn't had a second to talk to Lily. I wanted to know what she was going to sing tonight, and more than anything, I wanted to know how she was feeling about us. Us … shit! She had me all jacked up, there was no 'us,' but if I had a say in anything there sure as hell would be soon enough. She glanced up at me; her porcelain cheeks turned pink and caused me to break out into a lopsided grin.
"Bro, what the hell, man? Are we gonna play or stand here like idiots?" Graden was such an asshole sometimes. He always put me in a pissed off mood.
"Yeah, working on it. You got your shit ready?" I said between gritted teeth. Graden was an amazing guitar player, but if I was honest, I hated his ass. Seth and Graden got into some shit awhile back, not sure what about, probably some piece of ass, but since then he's had the biggest chip on his damn shoulder. One of these days I was going to knock him out if he didn't chill his attitude. "Ready." I tested the microphone by tapping it three times with my finger.
The overhead music turned off. "What's up, motherfuckers? We are the Lakeside Prophets…" I looked behind me and nodded my chin at Seth — his face broke wide with a smile. He loved this shit. The beat of the drum started while Jack plucked away at his bass. Graden's
"I can't even imagine what that would be like, losing a parent. I sometimes wish I could die before anyone in my family does. Is that weird?" He looked at me with serious dark eyes. The thought of losing Todd, or anyone for that matter again, had pressure building in my chest. I had to inhale deeply to release the building anxiety. Chill Lily.
I shook my head. "Not weird, no. Morbid maybe." An awkward giggle escaped my lips.
"Hey, shit happens, you know? But life moves on, and you have to just keep floating." Todd gave my thigh a comforting squeeze with his broad palm. "Well, that's what my mom always says."
"She sounds like a smart lady." He took my hand in his and entwined our fingers, the small gesture completely filling the moment. Just an hour ago we were linked in the most intimate way possible, but him here, holding my hand, felt more real, and I have never had real before.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Todd
L ILY RAISED OUR JOINED HANDS AND brushed her lips across my knuckles, her mouth was like satin against my coarse skin, and it felt fucking outstanding. I was starting to feel something again, and I wasn't sure if I should be scared or just run with it. I decided then that I had nothing left to lose. I've failed miserably at being happy, at being anything more than just okay. I needed to jump off the platform, find my groove. I felt as if I was back at a swim meet, waiting for the blow of the whistle, for the water to run through my fingers as I pushed myself fast through the impossible current created by those around me swimming also. I could do this. I wanted this win. I needed this win.
"You have tomorrow off?" I asked.
"Yes." Lily's eyes met mine. It was time to say goodbye, but it was like we were stupid teenagers on a first date and neither one of us wanted to be the first to say goodbye.
"See you Tuesday." I leaned across the car again, and she met me in the middle. I searched her face, memorizing the four freckles on her nose, the slightly bigger freckle that sat right in that small divot above her upper lip, and the divine mix of colors that shone bright from her happy eyes before I brought my lips to hers one last time tonight. Her kisses felt infinite. She pulled back, and her smile hit me straight in the chest. Oh yeah, I wanted this win real fucking bad.
L ILY LOOKED SO DAMN sexy tonight; her sweater was low cut, and the dark green color made her wild red hair stand out more. She had her hair down, the curls were everywhere, and I loved it. My eyes never left her as I finished setting up the equipment for tonight's show. The bar was packed, it usually was when we played, but tonight it annoyed the shit out of me. I hadn't had a second to talk to Lily. I wanted to know what she was going to sing tonight, and more than anything, I wanted to know how she was feeling about us. Us … shit! She had me all jacked up, there was no 'us,' but if I had a say in anything there sure as hell would be soon enough. She glanced up at me; her porcelain cheeks turned pink and caused me to break out into a lopsided grin.
"Bro, what the hell, man? Are we gonna play or stand here like idiots?" Graden was such an asshole sometimes. He always put me in a pissed off mood.
"Yeah, working on it. You got your shit ready?" I said between gritted teeth. Graden was an amazing guitar player, but if I was honest, I hated his ass. Seth and Graden got into some shit awhile back, not sure what about, probably some piece of ass, but since then he's had the biggest chip on his damn shoulder. One of these days I was going to knock him out if he didn't chill his attitude. "Ready." I tested the microphone by tapping it three times with my finger.
The overhead music turned off. "What's up, motherfuckers? We are the Lakeside Prophets…" I looked behind me and nodded my chin at Seth — his face broke wide with a smile. He loved this shit. The beat of the drum started while Jack plucked away at his bass. Graden's
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