her to face the same discrimination that they had when they moved to the United States from Puerto Rico, despite their good English. Having an accent and non-white skin was enough for them to be labelled as foreign—often ‘Mexican’—and therefore not American enough to succeed.
Her parents had moved into a predominantly white neighbourhood, sent her to a school with few other children of colour, and refused to speak Spanish at home. As a consequence, her connection to her family’s culture was poor at best. She didn’t speak much Spanish, even now.
She had never felt quite at ease with the white children surrounding her, but nor had she truly belonged in her parents’ world, either. She’d been lonely, torn between two worlds, neither of which she fully understood. Two worlds that both found reason to believe that she wasn’t enough. That she didn’t belong.
It became clear in her later life that the reason her parents had done this was that they hadn’t wanted her to be seen as a stereotype; particularly the fiery Latina. They had taught her to rein in her emotions, display no signs of temper. To dress conservatively. To be as white American as she could possibly be despite her skin colour and to fit into that world as much as she could. But to never let her be emotionally free, a stereotype that often plagued Latina women.
They wanted her to transcend her Puerto Rican heritage and succeed in a world that gave privilege to white skin and native English speakers. To move beyond all those negative things that people expected of her when they saw her heritage broadcast by her skin, darker than the white that was perceived as ‘normal’. That negativity burrowed into the deep corners of her mind, affecting her in ways she still wasn’t sure she understood.
And Christine had learned to be ashamed of her heritage. She’d become what they called ‘western neutral’—a person that had grown up in a predominantly white, middle-to-upper-class world, without any connection to their parents’ upbringing. But Christine would never have the experience of being completely accepted by that world, either. She didn’t feel Puerto Rican, but she also didn’t feel entirely American because of the way other people treated her.
She’d closed herself off from people, afraid to show her real self. She didn’t feel comfortable in her own body, as she was neither what people wanted nor expected from her, nor what she wanted for herself.
After her parents had died, she’d thrown herself into her studies and her work. She wanted to achieve what they’d wanted for her—success. And she’d let everything else fall by the wayside.
That was when she’d lost one of her last connections to them and their culture. Her belief in God. She hadn’t had enough of a connection to God to believe that He would do something so cruel as to take them from her for a good reason. And her faith had waned, and eventually disappeared.
Even as all this occurred to Christine, she decided that the reason didn’t really matter. What mattered was that she was going to fix it. As soon as she got out of this strange limbo she found herself in, she was going to call her friends, and find a job that she was really passionate about that she could see herself in for the long term. Enrol in some Spanish classes. She didn’t know what she’d do about the relationship situation, but she couldn’t help but think that something significant was growing between her and Paul. It couldn’t just be a hero worship thing. Could it?
Either way, she’d make that decision later, once she had time to figure it all out.
For now, there was a mission—as Paul called it—they had to complete, one that might bring her closer to figuring out exactly what whoever these people were wanted with her.
Paul was already talking to Blake when Christine entered the room.
“I’ve got eyes on you. There’s a guard in the booth at the entrance, and one inside the
Her parents had moved into a predominantly white neighbourhood, sent her to a school with few other children of colour, and refused to speak Spanish at home. As a consequence, her connection to her family’s culture was poor at best. She didn’t speak much Spanish, even now.
She had never felt quite at ease with the white children surrounding her, but nor had she truly belonged in her parents’ world, either. She’d been lonely, torn between two worlds, neither of which she fully understood. Two worlds that both found reason to believe that she wasn’t enough. That she didn’t belong.
It became clear in her later life that the reason her parents had done this was that they hadn’t wanted her to be seen as a stereotype; particularly the fiery Latina. They had taught her to rein in her emotions, display no signs of temper. To dress conservatively. To be as white American as she could possibly be despite her skin colour and to fit into that world as much as she could. But to never let her be emotionally free, a stereotype that often plagued Latina women.
They wanted her to transcend her Puerto Rican heritage and succeed in a world that gave privilege to white skin and native English speakers. To move beyond all those negative things that people expected of her when they saw her heritage broadcast by her skin, darker than the white that was perceived as ‘normal’. That negativity burrowed into the deep corners of her mind, affecting her in ways she still wasn’t sure she understood.
And Christine had learned to be ashamed of her heritage. She’d become what they called ‘western neutral’—a person that had grown up in a predominantly white, middle-to-upper-class world, without any connection to their parents’ upbringing. But Christine would never have the experience of being completely accepted by that world, either. She didn’t feel Puerto Rican, but she also didn’t feel entirely American because of the way other people treated her.
She’d closed herself off from people, afraid to show her real self. She didn’t feel comfortable in her own body, as she was neither what people wanted nor expected from her, nor what she wanted for herself.
After her parents had died, she’d thrown herself into her studies and her work. She wanted to achieve what they’d wanted for her—success. And she’d let everything else fall by the wayside.
That was when she’d lost one of her last connections to them and their culture. Her belief in God. She hadn’t had enough of a connection to God to believe that He would do something so cruel as to take them from her for a good reason. And her faith had waned, and eventually disappeared.
Even as all this occurred to Christine, she decided that the reason didn’t really matter. What mattered was that she was going to fix it. As soon as she got out of this strange limbo she found herself in, she was going to call her friends, and find a job that she was really passionate about that she could see herself in for the long term. Enrol in some Spanish classes. She didn’t know what she’d do about the relationship situation, but she couldn’t help but think that something significant was growing between her and Paul. It couldn’t just be a hero worship thing. Could it?
Either way, she’d make that decision later, once she had time to figure it all out.
For now, there was a mission—as Paul called it—they had to complete, one that might bring her closer to figuring out exactly what whoever these people were wanted with her.
Paul was already talking to Blake when Christine entered the room.
“I’ve got eyes on you. There’s a guard in the booth at the entrance, and one inside the
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