look like you’re going to die of embarrassment if we even vaguely allude to anything you might consider kinky.”
I stared at the foam in my coffee cup. “I guess I’m hoping you’ll say the magic words that will somehow help me deal with what Adam did to me. I’ve never really dealt with it, you know? I just kind of… pretended it didn’t happen.”
“The only thing that happened is you got beat up,” Dom said. I gave him an indignant look, but he went on before I could put my thoughts into words. “The fact that he used a tool that can be a BDSM toy to do it is irrelevant. It wasn’t about BDSM, it was about a seriously pissed-off demon getting his pound of flesh. You know there’s a big difference, don’t you?”
I heaved a sigh. “Yeah.” I wouldn’t say I came close to understanding the dynamics of Adam’s relationship with Dom, but I knew what Dom was saying was true. “Can we just forget I started this conversation?”
Dom was silent for a moment, but I wasn’t surprised when he ignored my request.
“When Adam plays with me,” he said, “I’m in something like an altered state. Some people describe it as ‘subspace.’ When I’m in that subspace, pain doesn’t really register as pain. It’s just a very strong physical sensation.” One corner of his mouth lifted, though I think he was trying to suppress his smile. “One I happen to like.” The half-smile faded. “But the point is, I have to be in that subspace to like it. I’m not really a masochist. Under ordinary circumstances, I’m as anxious to avoid pain as anyone else.
“It’s Adam’s job as my dominant to help me find my way into that subspace.” Dom grinned. “He’s very good at it, though he’s not a natural. Demons don’t need to be in subspace to enjoy pain. For them, it’s all about the novelty of physical sensation. When I was hosting Saul, there was almost no dominance and submission going on between him and Adam—it was all about sensation play.
“The point is that demons are interested in SM for different reasons than humans. I’ve kind of trained Adam to treat it in a human way, but what he did to you was pure demon. Don’t confuse it with BDSM. They’re not the same at all.”
I chewed that over for a bit, knowing that if I ever broke free of my own altered state, brought about by shock and emotional pain, I was going to be mortified about this conversation. But then again, if I was having this conversation with Dom, then I wasn’t thinking about Brian or about my session in the black room.
“I guess that makes sense,” I finally said. “I’m not sure I really
understand
it, but it makes sense.” I frowned. “Of course, that
sentence
doesn’t make sense.” Hmm, maybe the Frangelico was starting toget to me. Since I wasn’t a big drinker, it didn’t take much to make me loopy.
I was saved from making any more silly, incoherent statements—and from asking any more questions that would embarrass me later—when Adam joined us in the kitchen. I was staring into my cup again, but I still managed to catch the warning look that Dom gave Adam.
Adam sat at the table across from me. “I’m sorry if talking about this makes me insensitive,” he said.
“Adam…” Dominic said.
“I think it’s important we establish just what we’re dealing with in Barbara Paget,” Adam said. “And it’s now obvious that she did, in fact, break in and snoop around.”
I found my courage somewhere and lifted my gaze from the depths of my coffee cup. “How is that obvious?”
“Like I was saying before, I clean my whips. At least, I did when I had need.”
Meaning back when Dominic was possessed, and their “play” involved bloodshed. I knew that was not the case anymore, that Adam was very careful with his lover. I still shuddered at the thought.
“But that time with you,” Adam continued, “I put the whip back in its box for a little bit before I got around to cleaning it. I hadn’t
I stared at the foam in my coffee cup. “I guess I’m hoping you’ll say the magic words that will somehow help me deal with what Adam did to me. I’ve never really dealt with it, you know? I just kind of… pretended it didn’t happen.”
“The only thing that happened is you got beat up,” Dom said. I gave him an indignant look, but he went on before I could put my thoughts into words. “The fact that he used a tool that can be a BDSM toy to do it is irrelevant. It wasn’t about BDSM, it was about a seriously pissed-off demon getting his pound of flesh. You know there’s a big difference, don’t you?”
I heaved a sigh. “Yeah.” I wouldn’t say I came close to understanding the dynamics of Adam’s relationship with Dom, but I knew what Dom was saying was true. “Can we just forget I started this conversation?”
Dom was silent for a moment, but I wasn’t surprised when he ignored my request.
“When Adam plays with me,” he said, “I’m in something like an altered state. Some people describe it as ‘subspace.’ When I’m in that subspace, pain doesn’t really register as pain. It’s just a very strong physical sensation.” One corner of his mouth lifted, though I think he was trying to suppress his smile. “One I happen to like.” The half-smile faded. “But the point is, I have to be in that subspace to like it. I’m not really a masochist. Under ordinary circumstances, I’m as anxious to avoid pain as anyone else.
“It’s Adam’s job as my dominant to help me find my way into that subspace.” Dom grinned. “He’s very good at it, though he’s not a natural. Demons don’t need to be in subspace to enjoy pain. For them, it’s all about the novelty of physical sensation. When I was hosting Saul, there was almost no dominance and submission going on between him and Adam—it was all about sensation play.
“The point is that demons are interested in SM for different reasons than humans. I’ve kind of trained Adam to treat it in a human way, but what he did to you was pure demon. Don’t confuse it with BDSM. They’re not the same at all.”
I chewed that over for a bit, knowing that if I ever broke free of my own altered state, brought about by shock and emotional pain, I was going to be mortified about this conversation. But then again, if I was having this conversation with Dom, then I wasn’t thinking about Brian or about my session in the black room.
“I guess that makes sense,” I finally said. “I’m not sure I really
understand
it, but it makes sense.” I frowned. “Of course, that
sentence
doesn’t make sense.” Hmm, maybe the Frangelico was starting toget to me. Since I wasn’t a big drinker, it didn’t take much to make me loopy.
I was saved from making any more silly, incoherent statements—and from asking any more questions that would embarrass me later—when Adam joined us in the kitchen. I was staring into my cup again, but I still managed to catch the warning look that Dom gave Adam.
Adam sat at the table across from me. “I’m sorry if talking about this makes me insensitive,” he said.
“Adam…” Dominic said.
“I think it’s important we establish just what we’re dealing with in Barbara Paget,” Adam said. “And it’s now obvious that she did, in fact, break in and snoop around.”
I found my courage somewhere and lifted my gaze from the depths of my coffee cup. “How is that obvious?”
“Like I was saying before, I clean my whips. At least, I did when I had need.”
Meaning back when Dominic was possessed, and their “play” involved bloodshed. I knew that was not the case anymore, that Adam was very careful with his lover. I still shuddered at the thought.
“But that time with you,” Adam continued, “I put the whip back in its box for a little bit before I got around to cleaning it. I hadn’t
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