didn’t want to risk ruining the time we were getting along. The day she was to leave, we were up early to load up the rented van and make the four-hour drive. I slept most of the ride and awoke to us waiting in a line of traffic to turn into the school. The campus was beautiful and people friendly. Still, it felt surreal that we were leaving Shanna to live there. However, she seemed OK with her new dorm room and roommate or did a really good job of hiding her fear. We stayed with Shanna for most of the day before it was time to head back. As we drove off I watched her slowly turn and walk back towards her dorm and silently hoped that she was OK.
Chapter 3
CHERYL + DERRICK
It was a big adjustment for us all having Shanna away at school. Although she had spent a lot of time in her room, it still seemed so different and quiet with her gone. It especially hit us the first time we sat down together for dinner and Shanna’s seat was empty. For years I had a mental countdown of when that seat would be empty and Shanna would be gone. When the time finally came, I missed her and wanted her to come back. It didn’t help that it was time for me to start preparing for high school. Between Shanna leaving and my nervousness around starting high school, I felt pretty anxious and off. When the day came for high school orientation, I wasn’t ready. To make matters worse, it was Mommy who attended with me. She did nothing to help ease my fears and I felt like a kid holding on to her the whole time. Practically everyone who I went to middle school with was at orientation, which made me feel like they were still whispering about Jackie’s death. I had hoped and prayed that everyone would have moved on from speculating about what had happened. There was no way I could continue to deal with the drama for another year.
The Sunday before the first day of school was always a day full of anxieties and nerves. The day before my first day of high school was no exception. In fact, my nervousness was multiplied by ten. It was high school, where kids were meaner, tougher, and more judgmental than I had previously encountered. I was glad when Shanna called and told me that she was just as nervous to start high school.
“Are you kidding, I was ready to crap my pants the first day of high school.”
“You, nervous? No way!”
“Absolutely! But you will soon learn that trying to fit in with the in crowd takes too much energy and isn’t really all what it cracks up to be. Just be you and be you with confidence and you will be fine. Besides, if you survived me all these years, you will be fine.”
I couldn’t argue with that. My skin should have been pretty tough after years of dealing with Shanna. I couldn’t imagine anyone being worse than her. After talking to Shanna and getting an update on what college life was like, I got a call from Derrick. I assumed he was nervous also, but being a typical guy, he wouldn’t admit it. We compared schedules and though we didn’t have any classes together we made plans to meet for lunch. It hit me after I hung up the phone that Derrick was my only friend going into high school. Jackie and I had formed such a tight bond that I never attempted to make other friends. I felt like Derrick and I had become friends out of default, but nonetheless, he was my best friend. I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to put forth the energy into making new friends. Losing Jacob and Jackie weren’t comparable situations, but they both hurt nonetheless. I didn’t want to experience that again. I figured that life wouldn’t be that cruel to make me experience loss like that again. Things would have to be different and I wouldn’t lose anyone else.
While shopping in Toronto, Aunt Carol bought me a new dress. It wasn’t a dress I would have ever picked out for myself. It was far too “busy” with the bright colored floral design. It was also a lot shorter than a dress I would pick out for myself. I picked it for the
Chapter 3
CHERYL + DERRICK
It was a big adjustment for us all having Shanna away at school. Although she had spent a lot of time in her room, it still seemed so different and quiet with her gone. It especially hit us the first time we sat down together for dinner and Shanna’s seat was empty. For years I had a mental countdown of when that seat would be empty and Shanna would be gone. When the time finally came, I missed her and wanted her to come back. It didn’t help that it was time for me to start preparing for high school. Between Shanna leaving and my nervousness around starting high school, I felt pretty anxious and off. When the day came for high school orientation, I wasn’t ready. To make matters worse, it was Mommy who attended with me. She did nothing to help ease my fears and I felt like a kid holding on to her the whole time. Practically everyone who I went to middle school with was at orientation, which made me feel like they were still whispering about Jackie’s death. I had hoped and prayed that everyone would have moved on from speculating about what had happened. There was no way I could continue to deal with the drama for another year.
The Sunday before the first day of school was always a day full of anxieties and nerves. The day before my first day of high school was no exception. In fact, my nervousness was multiplied by ten. It was high school, where kids were meaner, tougher, and more judgmental than I had previously encountered. I was glad when Shanna called and told me that she was just as nervous to start high school.
“Are you kidding, I was ready to crap my pants the first day of high school.”
“You, nervous? No way!”
“Absolutely! But you will soon learn that trying to fit in with the in crowd takes too much energy and isn’t really all what it cracks up to be. Just be you and be you with confidence and you will be fine. Besides, if you survived me all these years, you will be fine.”
I couldn’t argue with that. My skin should have been pretty tough after years of dealing with Shanna. I couldn’t imagine anyone being worse than her. After talking to Shanna and getting an update on what college life was like, I got a call from Derrick. I assumed he was nervous also, but being a typical guy, he wouldn’t admit it. We compared schedules and though we didn’t have any classes together we made plans to meet for lunch. It hit me after I hung up the phone that Derrick was my only friend going into high school. Jackie and I had formed such a tight bond that I never attempted to make other friends. I felt like Derrick and I had become friends out of default, but nonetheless, he was my best friend. I honestly didn’t know if I wanted to put forth the energy into making new friends. Losing Jacob and Jackie weren’t comparable situations, but they both hurt nonetheless. I didn’t want to experience that again. I figured that life wouldn’t be that cruel to make me experience loss like that again. Things would have to be different and I wouldn’t lose anyone else.
While shopping in Toronto, Aunt Carol bought me a new dress. It wasn’t a dress I would have ever picked out for myself. It was far too “busy” with the bright colored floral design. It was also a lot shorter than a dress I would pick out for myself. I picked it for the
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