first day of school because it reminded me of her free spirit and her happiness that she often had no matter what anyone thought of her. Both Daddy and Mommy did double takes when I came into the kitchen for breakfast. I avoided eye contact with them and managed to stifle my giggles. I imagined I would get many more of those looks but I told myself I was going to start my year off confident and not let anyone’s looks bother me.
“Well that’s quite a dress you’ve got there for the first day of school. You look beautiful”
“Thanks Daddy, Aunt Carol bought it for me.” I appreciated Daddy’s words, but he was my dad. I knew he would think I looked beautiful in a brown paper bag.
After giving it another look Daddy smirked before commenting, “It definitely looks like her style. She would be thrilled to see you wearing it today.”
I agreed that she would be thrilled. We had not heard from her since we got back from Detroit. I thought of her often though and hoped that she was in a better place. I was so deep in my thoughts that I did not realize that Mommy had made a small feast for breakfasts: cinnamon raisin French toast, scrambled eggs with cheese, and turkey bacon. Unfortunately, I barely tasted it. How could I eat? It was one of the most important days of my life and the closer I got to the time to leave the house the more it started to hit me. Everything that Shanna told me about staying calm was completely out of the window and my stomach was turning so much that I thought I was going to vomit. Breathe Cheryl. Breathe. I could hardly believe it when Daddy told me it was time to leave. He insisted on dropping me off at school saying that it had been a tradition each first day of school that he didn’t want to break. I felt as though he was really worried about kids on the bus continuing to bombard me with “Jackie questions.” I can’t say that the thought hadn’t passed my mind, so I welcomed the peaceful car ride. There was a long line of traffic to just get into school, which did nothing to calm my nerves. Without noticing I began to fidget with my fingers and gently shake my legs. As we pulled into the school, there were kids everywhere: sitting in their cars, sitting on their cars, gathered in the parking lot, and walking up to the school. The scene was overwhelming. Noticing my fidgeting, Daddy tried to calm me down.
“It’s always like this on the first day. Everyone is so excited to see their friends and show off their new outfits. It will die down.”
I wanted to believe him, but as we pulled up to the carpool circle, there were even more students standing around talking. It seemed like a huge social gathering more than the first day of school. I didn’t want to get out of the car. I felt so stupid for wearing a dress that stood out like a sore thumb. Out of the crowd I noticed a tall guy leaning on the columns outside the office. He was one of the very few people out there not talking to anyone. He had a fresh haircut and new clothes, but I knew that side profile from anywhere. It was Derrick and I sure hoped he was waiting for me. Just the thought made it that much easier to get out the car. The look Derrick gave me as he looked up and saw me coming towards him was priceless. I was sure the reason for the look was the dress, however, I wasn’t sure if the look was because he liked it or hated it.
“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you.” He had a big grin on his face and gave me a completely unexpected hug.
“Yeah, it took forever for us to get through traffic” I managed to stammer out. I was so caught off guard by his greeting that it took me a few seconds to respond.
“Well you look nice. Nice dress.”
“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.”
We were able to chat for just a short while before the school bell rang signaling that it was time for everyone to get to homeroom to check in. There was just enough time to figure out that homerooms were divided by last names.
“Well that’s quite a dress you’ve got there for the first day of school. You look beautiful”
“Thanks Daddy, Aunt Carol bought it for me.” I appreciated Daddy’s words, but he was my dad. I knew he would think I looked beautiful in a brown paper bag.
After giving it another look Daddy smirked before commenting, “It definitely looks like her style. She would be thrilled to see you wearing it today.”
I agreed that she would be thrilled. We had not heard from her since we got back from Detroit. I thought of her often though and hoped that she was in a better place. I was so deep in my thoughts that I did not realize that Mommy had made a small feast for breakfasts: cinnamon raisin French toast, scrambled eggs with cheese, and turkey bacon. Unfortunately, I barely tasted it. How could I eat? It was one of the most important days of my life and the closer I got to the time to leave the house the more it started to hit me. Everything that Shanna told me about staying calm was completely out of the window and my stomach was turning so much that I thought I was going to vomit. Breathe Cheryl. Breathe. I could hardly believe it when Daddy told me it was time to leave. He insisted on dropping me off at school saying that it had been a tradition each first day of school that he didn’t want to break. I felt as though he was really worried about kids on the bus continuing to bombard me with “Jackie questions.” I can’t say that the thought hadn’t passed my mind, so I welcomed the peaceful car ride. There was a long line of traffic to just get into school, which did nothing to calm my nerves. Without noticing I began to fidget with my fingers and gently shake my legs. As we pulled into the school, there were kids everywhere: sitting in their cars, sitting on their cars, gathered in the parking lot, and walking up to the school. The scene was overwhelming. Noticing my fidgeting, Daddy tried to calm me down.
“It’s always like this on the first day. Everyone is so excited to see their friends and show off their new outfits. It will die down.”
I wanted to believe him, but as we pulled up to the carpool circle, there were even more students standing around talking. It seemed like a huge social gathering more than the first day of school. I didn’t want to get out of the car. I felt so stupid for wearing a dress that stood out like a sore thumb. Out of the crowd I noticed a tall guy leaning on the columns outside the office. He was one of the very few people out there not talking to anyone. He had a fresh haircut and new clothes, but I knew that side profile from anywhere. It was Derrick and I sure hoped he was waiting for me. Just the thought made it that much easier to get out the car. The look Derrick gave me as he looked up and saw me coming towards him was priceless. I was sure the reason for the look was the dress, however, I wasn’t sure if the look was because he liked it or hated it.
“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you.” He had a big grin on his face and gave me a completely unexpected hug.
“Yeah, it took forever for us to get through traffic” I managed to stammer out. I was so caught off guard by his greeting that it took me a few seconds to respond.
“Well you look nice. Nice dress.”
“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself.”
We were able to chat for just a short while before the school bell rang signaling that it was time for everyone to get to homeroom to check in. There was just enough time to figure out that homerooms were divided by last names.
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