you should not visit.’
‘I can fluff pillows and offer sips of water,’ I said. ‘I’d make a great nurse!’ I hoped the punch I gave Tezza would give him a dead arm.
It didn’t. It must’ve tickled, because Tezza laughed. Boy, how he laughed. But at least we were mates again.
I shot James a look that could kill an army, but he was too busy reciting a poem from his book to notice.
Chapter Two
That afternoon I did call in.
We were lying around playing a computer game when Andy got the fidgets.
We’re onto the second clue, now, about Andy’s bum. Here’s what happened.
Andy’s pawing at his shorts and wriggling fit to burst.
Tezza’s lining up for a shot at my alien when Andy starts to moan.
‘Stop distracting me,’ yells Tezza. ‘Cut it out. You’ll make me lose.’
He’s right. My alien has nicked off and Tezza’s shooting at zippo. We’re battling to the death, scores even. Our platoons have been blasted into cyberspace. We’re down to one raider each. The game’s anybody’s.
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door.
‘Answer it, Andy,’ snaps Tezza.
Andy doesn’t move. From the corner of my eye I can see that he is gripping the arms of the chair. He’s going blue and sort of looks bug-eyed. A bit like the aliens, I think, getting back to the game. I’m fighting to stay alive when the doorbell rings again.
‘Get the door!’ shrieks Tezza as I get that close to taking him out.
But Andy’s not going anywhere. He’s sitting there squirming like a yabby on a piece of string.
Whoever’s at the door, they’re persistent.
‘The door!’ yells Tezza. But he’s distracted and his finger slips.
I go in for the kill. ‘Take that!’ I cry, in a way that means, I win!
Tezza screams, ‘I hate you,’ at Andy and hurls the pillow at him.
Andy cowers in his chair, looking more miserable than a goalie who’s let one through.
I stop dead in my tracks. Tezza never loses his temper with Andy. For once I take Andy’s side and say, ‘It’s only a dumb game. He didn’t mean it.’ I do a bit of pillow hurling of my own.
Tezza and I get to our feet, eyeballing each other, waiting to see who’ll strike first.
It’s a short wait ‘cause the doorbell puts a stop to it.
‘I’ll get it!’ says Tezza, yanking the door open in disgust and adding at the same time, ‘Waddya want?’
James is standing there. ‘Hello,’ he says with this smarmy grin. ‘I was wondering if you and your brother would like to come in for afternoon tea?’
I am not included in the invite.
‘My grandmother has made us a sponge cake.’
Afternoon tea and sponge? Where does James get off? I’m not sure whether to be narked or pleased at missing out.
Tezza looks like he’s been hit with a stun gun. And Andy? He’s crawled off the chair, flung himself on the lounge and is writhing again.
‘Terence?’ asks James.
Hah! No one’s called Tezza ‘Terence’ since Sam Webber got a chipped tooth for his efforts in Grade 1.
I take a step forward. I am beginning to love this.
I look from James to Tezza to Andy. Andy’s got his hands down his shorts.
‘My family would enjoy it if you and your brother will join us for tea,’ repeats James, although the wattage on his smile is starting to dim.
A moan distracts all of us. Boy, is Andy giving his rear-end a caning.
Tezza’s looking at Andy like he’s about to deck him. James’s invite must’ve really thrown him. Normally, he would’ve answered by now.
At last, Tezza says something. ‘Stop playing with your bum!’ is what he says.
I don’t know who looks more shocked — Tezza or James. It’s a cert it’s not me. This is better than the ‘Comedy Show’ on Saturdays.
James blushes. Seriously! ‘Excuse me!’ he says, staggering a couple of steps back. His jaw is hanging open and his eyes have popped out. He looks like our dog ten seconds after she drank the weed killer.
And in the middle of this is Andy, not listening to anybody.
‘I can fluff pillows and offer sips of water,’ I said. ‘I’d make a great nurse!’ I hoped the punch I gave Tezza would give him a dead arm.
It didn’t. It must’ve tickled, because Tezza laughed. Boy, how he laughed. But at least we were mates again.
I shot James a look that could kill an army, but he was too busy reciting a poem from his book to notice.
Chapter Two
That afternoon I did call in.
We were lying around playing a computer game when Andy got the fidgets.
We’re onto the second clue, now, about Andy’s bum. Here’s what happened.
Andy’s pawing at his shorts and wriggling fit to burst.
Tezza’s lining up for a shot at my alien when Andy starts to moan.
‘Stop distracting me,’ yells Tezza. ‘Cut it out. You’ll make me lose.’
He’s right. My alien has nicked off and Tezza’s shooting at zippo. We’re battling to the death, scores even. Our platoons have been blasted into cyberspace. We’re down to one raider each. The game’s anybody’s.
Suddenly, there’s a knock at the door.
‘Answer it, Andy,’ snaps Tezza.
Andy doesn’t move. From the corner of my eye I can see that he is gripping the arms of the chair. He’s going blue and sort of looks bug-eyed. A bit like the aliens, I think, getting back to the game. I’m fighting to stay alive when the doorbell rings again.
‘Get the door!’ shrieks Tezza as I get that close to taking him out.
But Andy’s not going anywhere. He’s sitting there squirming like a yabby on a piece of string.
Whoever’s at the door, they’re persistent.
‘The door!’ yells Tezza. But he’s distracted and his finger slips.
I go in for the kill. ‘Take that!’ I cry, in a way that means, I win!
Tezza screams, ‘I hate you,’ at Andy and hurls the pillow at him.
Andy cowers in his chair, looking more miserable than a goalie who’s let one through.
I stop dead in my tracks. Tezza never loses his temper with Andy. For once I take Andy’s side and say, ‘It’s only a dumb game. He didn’t mean it.’ I do a bit of pillow hurling of my own.
Tezza and I get to our feet, eyeballing each other, waiting to see who’ll strike first.
It’s a short wait ‘cause the doorbell puts a stop to it.
‘I’ll get it!’ says Tezza, yanking the door open in disgust and adding at the same time, ‘Waddya want?’
James is standing there. ‘Hello,’ he says with this smarmy grin. ‘I was wondering if you and your brother would like to come in for afternoon tea?’
I am not included in the invite.
‘My grandmother has made us a sponge cake.’
Afternoon tea and sponge? Where does James get off? I’m not sure whether to be narked or pleased at missing out.
Tezza looks like he’s been hit with a stun gun. And Andy? He’s crawled off the chair, flung himself on the lounge and is writhing again.
‘Terence?’ asks James.
Hah! No one’s called Tezza ‘Terence’ since Sam Webber got a chipped tooth for his efforts in Grade 1.
I take a step forward. I am beginning to love this.
I look from James to Tezza to Andy. Andy’s got his hands down his shorts.
‘My family would enjoy it if you and your brother will join us for tea,’ repeats James, although the wattage on his smile is starting to dim.
A moan distracts all of us. Boy, is Andy giving his rear-end a caning.
Tezza’s looking at Andy like he’s about to deck him. James’s invite must’ve really thrown him. Normally, he would’ve answered by now.
At last, Tezza says something. ‘Stop playing with your bum!’ is what he says.
I don’t know who looks more shocked — Tezza or James. It’s a cert it’s not me. This is better than the ‘Comedy Show’ on Saturdays.
James blushes. Seriously! ‘Excuse me!’ he says, staggering a couple of steps back. His jaw is hanging open and his eyes have popped out. He looks like our dog ten seconds after she drank the weed killer.
And in the middle of this is Andy, not listening to anybody.
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