So Feral! by J A Mawter Page A

He’s pulled down his daks. There’s thiswild look in his eyes. I don’t think he can see us. He’s too busy spreading his cheeks on the lounge cushion and rocking.
    I make a mental note to never sit there again.
    Then Mrs Shermin comes skidding into the room, concern turning to anger as Andy leaps to his feet and chucks a beauty of a browneye.
    Tezza leaps sidewards, trying to block James’s view. ‘Muuum!’ he groans.
    ‘Mu-u-u-m!’ imitates James with his voice all wobbly.
    Who’s a big girl, then?
    James does a bolt. As he heads down the drive, I start to feel good. The enemy is retreating. I hope it puts him off Tezza for life!
    I look at Andy, who’s still bum high. I have to fight the urge to shout, ‘Bottom’s up,’ like my uncle does when he’s making a toast. Instead, I do what I always do when situations get awkward. I start to giggle.
    Mrs Shermin, however, does not.
    ‘Andrew Shermin!’ she roars, grabbing him by the arm and almost launching him into the air. ‘That’s disgusting!’ The last thing I see is a pair of pink cheeks and a vertical smile disappearing through the bathroom door.
    By this time I’m cacking myself. I laugh so much I want to wee, but Mrs Shermin is still locked in the bathroom with Andy so I have to cross my legs and sit down.
    Have you worked out what it is with Andy’s bum and the new neighbours? Have I given enough clues?
    You should get it with this next bit.

Chapter Three
    Yesterday, I saw lights before my eyes. Not the clunk-to-the-head sorta lights, the flashing-on-and-off sort.
    Lights? you might ask.
    Patience. It’s all to do with Andy’s bum. I’m getting to that. Oh, and the neighbours.
    I have to stay at the Shermins’ for the weekend. Mum’s visiting Grandad in hospital in Melbourne and will be gone for a couple of days and I can’t stay with Dad, ‘cause he’s working night shift.
    That’s how I’ve ended up at the Shermins’, seeing lights.
    It’s Friday night and it’s bedtime. There I am, lying on the bottom bunk with Andy up the top and Tezza in a single bed opposite. I’m desperately trying to go to sleep, which is pretty hard ‘cause Andy keeps flipping and flopping like some sort of stranded fish and keeping me awake.
    Suddenly, I hear the door open. I freeze, pretending to sleep, wondering who it is.
    Through this tiny slit of my left eye I can see this flash of light sweeping around the room. It’s a torch. I wonder who’s attached to it and why they’re coming in. The beam of light bounces off the mirror. I see wild hair with a reflector scalp.
    Mrs Shermin!
    What’s she up to?
    I lie doggo, thinking she’s gonna leave in a minute. But she doesn’t.
    The arc of light swoops across the room then stops, pointing at Andy’s bed. There’s this glow up the wall. I strain to work out what the old chook’s up to, but I can’t. Her body’s blocking my view. I can’t even see her face. Somehow I know she’s looking like a barracuda at a feeding frenzy.
    I can hear her rummaging about in Andy’s bedclothes.
    Maybe she’s lost something, I think. Her watch perhaps? Or a ring?
    But it’s not that sort of ring she’s looking for, if you know what I mean. That’s clue Number Three.
    After a while Mrs Shermin gives up. The rest of the night I sleep.
    Today — Saturday — Tezza, Andy and me decide to go down to the river. There’s this really steep bank we’ve carved out to form a slide. It’s our secret place. We’ve packed the mud firm. With a few buckets of water, we can get up an awesome amount of speed.
    So, we’re at the river. Tezza and I are seeing who can float the furthest in the current before getting stranded on the bank. I usually win. I’m much lighter than Tezza and can float more easily.
    Andy keeps sliding, bucking the whole way down like he’s a rodeo rider. Over and over he does it till I am sure his bum must be raw.
    Remember that. It’s another clue.
    Floating is thirsty work and we’re starting