you’re awake but trapped inside your body and you can’t talk, and you desperately need to blow your nose.” My head is pounding now, from being in this position. “It doesn’t even have to be that complicated. What if I live to a hundred and five and I’m in a rest home and I get a cold and no one thinks to get me a few drops of Afrin?”
Clarice’s feet move away from my range of view, and then I feel cool air on my legs as she begins to massage my left calf. “My mother got me this treatment for my birthday,” I say.
“That’s nice…”
“She is a big fan of moisturizing. She actually said that it wouldn’t kill me to not have dinosaur hide for skin if I wanted my husband to stick around. I pointed out that if lotion was what was keeping my marriage intact I had a much bigger problem than whether or not I had time to schedule a massage…”
“Ms. McQuarrie?” the therapist says. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a client who needed a massage quite as much as you do.”
For some reason, this makes me proud.
“And at the risk of losing my tip, I also don’t think I’ve ever had a client who was so bad at getting a massage.”
This makes me even prouder. “Thanks,” I say.
“Maybe you could just try…to relax. Stop talking. Clear your mind.”
I close my eyes again. And start going over my to-do list in my head.
“For what it’s worth,” I murmur, “I’m bad at yoga too.”
—
O N DAYS WHEN I work late and Micah is still at the hospital, my mother picks Violet up from school. It’s a win-win-win—I don’t have to pay for a sitter, my mother gets time with her only grandchild, and Violet adores her. No one throws a tea party like my mom, who insists on using her old wedding china and linen napkins and pouring sweet tea from the pot. I know, when I come home, that Violet will have been bathed, read to, and tucked in. There will be leftover lemon drops or oatmeal raisin cookies from the afternoon’s tea party, still warm inside a Tupperware. My kitchen will be cleaner than I left it that morning.
My mother also drives Micah crazy. “Ava means well,” he is fond of saying. “But so did Joseph McCarthy.” He says that my mother is a bulldozer dressed as a southern belle. In a way, this is true. My mother has a way of getting what she wants before you consciously realize you’ve been played.
“Hi,” I say, dropping my briefcase on the couch as Violet launches herself into my arms.
“I finger-painted,” Violet announces, holding her palms up to me. They are still slightly blue. “I couldn’t take the picture home yet because it’s still wet.”
“Hey, sugar,” my mother says, coming out of the kitchen. “How was your day?” Her voice always makes me think of heliotrope and a convertible ride and the sun beating on the crown of your head.
“Oh, the usual,” I tell her. “I didn’t have a client try to kill me today, so that was a plus.” Last week, a man I was representing in an aggravated assault charge tried to strangle me at the defense table when the judge set bail unusually high. I’m still not sure if my client was angry, or planting a seed for an insanity defense. If it was the latter, I sort of have to give him props for thinking ahead.
“Kennedy, not in front of the C-H-I-L-D. Vi, honey, can you go get Grandma’s purse?” I set Violet on her feet, and she sprints into the mudroom. “You know when you say things like that it makes me want to get a prescription for Xanax,” my mother sighs. “I thought that you were going to start looking for a real job when Violet went to school.”
“A, I do have a real job, and B, you’re already taking Xanax, so that’s a specious threat.”
“Must you argue
everything
?”
“Yeah. I’m a lawyer.” I realize then that my mother is wearing her coat. “Are you cold?”
“I told you I couldn’t stay late tonight. Darla and I are going to that counterdance to meet some silver foxes.”
“Contra
Clarice’s feet move away from my range of view, and then I feel cool air on my legs as she begins to massage my left calf. “My mother got me this treatment for my birthday,” I say.
“That’s nice…”
“She is a big fan of moisturizing. She actually said that it wouldn’t kill me to not have dinosaur hide for skin if I wanted my husband to stick around. I pointed out that if lotion was what was keeping my marriage intact I had a much bigger problem than whether or not I had time to schedule a massage…”
“Ms. McQuarrie?” the therapist says. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a client who needed a massage quite as much as you do.”
For some reason, this makes me proud.
“And at the risk of losing my tip, I also don’t think I’ve ever had a client who was so bad at getting a massage.”
This makes me even prouder. “Thanks,” I say.
“Maybe you could just try…to relax. Stop talking. Clear your mind.”
I close my eyes again. And start going over my to-do list in my head.
“For what it’s worth,” I murmur, “I’m bad at yoga too.”
—
O N DAYS WHEN I work late and Micah is still at the hospital, my mother picks Violet up from school. It’s a win-win-win—I don’t have to pay for a sitter, my mother gets time with her only grandchild, and Violet adores her. No one throws a tea party like my mom, who insists on using her old wedding china and linen napkins and pouring sweet tea from the pot. I know, when I come home, that Violet will have been bathed, read to, and tucked in. There will be leftover lemon drops or oatmeal raisin cookies from the afternoon’s tea party, still warm inside a Tupperware. My kitchen will be cleaner than I left it that morning.
My mother also drives Micah crazy. “Ava means well,” he is fond of saying. “But so did Joseph McCarthy.” He says that my mother is a bulldozer dressed as a southern belle. In a way, this is true. My mother has a way of getting what she wants before you consciously realize you’ve been played.
“Hi,” I say, dropping my briefcase on the couch as Violet launches herself into my arms.
“I finger-painted,” Violet announces, holding her palms up to me. They are still slightly blue. “I couldn’t take the picture home yet because it’s still wet.”
“Hey, sugar,” my mother says, coming out of the kitchen. “How was your day?” Her voice always makes me think of heliotrope and a convertible ride and the sun beating on the crown of your head.
“Oh, the usual,” I tell her. “I didn’t have a client try to kill me today, so that was a plus.” Last week, a man I was representing in an aggravated assault charge tried to strangle me at the defense table when the judge set bail unusually high. I’m still not sure if my client was angry, or planting a seed for an insanity defense. If it was the latter, I sort of have to give him props for thinking ahead.
“Kennedy, not in front of the C-H-I-L-D. Vi, honey, can you go get Grandma’s purse?” I set Violet on her feet, and she sprints into the mudroom. “You know when you say things like that it makes me want to get a prescription for Xanax,” my mother sighs. “I thought that you were going to start looking for a real job when Violet went to school.”
“A, I do have a real job, and B, you’re already taking Xanax, so that’s a specious threat.”
“Must you argue
everything
?”
“Yeah. I’m a lawyer.” I realize then that my mother is wearing her coat. “Are you cold?”
“I told you I couldn’t stay late tonight. Darla and I are going to that counterdance to meet some silver foxes.”
“Contra
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