to be anticlimactic when I tell you what I have to say. I’m a grown-ass man. I should be over this shit.”
Rod wasn’t so sure about that. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have his own demons. “I’m not sure it matters how old you are. If something affects you, it affects you. No one has the right to say how long or in what way other people are allowed to feel things. Our emotions are our own.” Rod shook his head. “Wow. I sounded really insightful just now.”
Landon chuckled and Rod smiled.
He reached over and squeezed Rod’s knee, and that small movement felt so fucking intimate, it nearly stole his breath.
“Thank you,” Landon told him.
“No problem.”
“I missed you, ya know.”
His pulse ran wild. Jesus, had anyone told him they missed him before? “I missed you, too.”
Landon pulled his hand away and Rod wanted it back. Nope. Need to cut out those kinds of thoughts. Right. Fucking. Now.
“I’m just going to spit this out and stop being so fucking dramatic about it.” Landon leaned back against the couch. “My parents had a…what you call a rocky relationship, I guess. They weren’t very good at hiding it from Shanen and me. I’m not sure they were very good at hiding it from anyone. They fought about everything, all the damn time. We both knew they’d been good friends before, the best of friends. They slept together one drunken night and Shan was the result of that. They never should have been together, but they tried because of her, then me soon after her.”
“Not your fault,” Rod told him.
“I know. Logically, I do, but knowing it doesn’t always change things.” He sighed. “Anyway, they were off and on, back and forth all the fucking time. When they were off, it was always about one hurting the other, showing that they didn’t need them, and then deciding they did and they’d be back together again. It was a fucking disaster. Not to mention how hard it was on Shanen and me.”
He nodded, getting a clearer picture of Landon’s past in his head.
“They were on one of their breaks—Jesus, is this a Friends episode? Anyway, they were on a break. My mom went out with another guy one night. There was a storm, and I freaked out being with Shanen alone. I called Dad, he came over, and Mom showed up with her date. She flaunted him, which was wrong, but he’d done the same thing to her. The guy left. They fought. Dad walked out, and I begged him, fucking pleaded with him to take me with him. He was my best friend. He taught me to ride motocross. I wanted to go with him, and he looked at me, told me to be good, and we never heard a word from him again. I was twelve. See? I told you, anticlimactic. How many people in the world have the same kind of story?” He sat back and sighed.
“And? What do their lives have to do with yours? You live your life and they live theirs. You can’t compare it.” Rod truly believed that.
“Thank you.” Landon shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. “I used to think it was my fault. I called him. If I hadn’t, it wouldn’t have happened. And then I was just fucking pissed. He left us. He left me. I needed him, and he walked away from us like we were fucking nothing, Rod. He left us to hurt her. They both did too many things to count to hurt each other, but she stayed. Even when times were hard and we struggled, she stayed.”
Landon’s pain displayed clearly on his face. His thick lashes lowered when he closed his eyes and for the first time, Rod noticed how long they were, noticed the perfect curl to them.
“Mom struggled… Shan struggled. It was hard on them. I became the man of the house. He knew.” Landon leaned forward, his forehead resting on the palms of his hands. “He fucking knew he wasn’t coming back. I know it. I saw it in his eyes, heard it in his voice, and I wanted to go… Even knowing that, I wanted to go. They were there when he wasn’t, and I wanted to leave them.”
Fuck. The pain in
Rod wasn’t so sure about that. It wasn’t as though he didn’t have his own demons. “I’m not sure it matters how old you are. If something affects you, it affects you. No one has the right to say how long or in what way other people are allowed to feel things. Our emotions are our own.” Rod shook his head. “Wow. I sounded really insightful just now.”
Landon chuckled and Rod smiled.
He reached over and squeezed Rod’s knee, and that small movement felt so fucking intimate, it nearly stole his breath.
“Thank you,” Landon told him.
“No problem.”
“I missed you, ya know.”
His pulse ran wild. Jesus, had anyone told him they missed him before? “I missed you, too.”
Landon pulled his hand away and Rod wanted it back. Nope. Need to cut out those kinds of thoughts. Right. Fucking. Now.
“I’m just going to spit this out and stop being so fucking dramatic about it.” Landon leaned back against the couch. “My parents had a…what you call a rocky relationship, I guess. They weren’t very good at hiding it from Shanen and me. I’m not sure they were very good at hiding it from anyone. They fought about everything, all the damn time. We both knew they’d been good friends before, the best of friends. They slept together one drunken night and Shan was the result of that. They never should have been together, but they tried because of her, then me soon after her.”
“Not your fault,” Rod told him.
“I know. Logically, I do, but knowing it doesn’t always change things.” He sighed. “Anyway, they were off and on, back and forth all the fucking time. When they were off, it was always about one hurting the other, showing that they didn’t need them, and then deciding they did and they’d be back together again. It was a fucking disaster. Not to mention how hard it was on Shanen and me.”
He nodded, getting a clearer picture of Landon’s past in his head.
“They were on one of their breaks—Jesus, is this a Friends episode? Anyway, they were on a break. My mom went out with another guy one night. There was a storm, and I freaked out being with Shanen alone. I called Dad, he came over, and Mom showed up with her date. She flaunted him, which was wrong, but he’d done the same thing to her. The guy left. They fought. Dad walked out, and I begged him, fucking pleaded with him to take me with him. He was my best friend. He taught me to ride motocross. I wanted to go with him, and he looked at me, told me to be good, and we never heard a word from him again. I was twelve. See? I told you, anticlimactic. How many people in the world have the same kind of story?” He sat back and sighed.
“And? What do their lives have to do with yours? You live your life and they live theirs. You can’t compare it.” Rod truly believed that.
“Thank you.” Landon shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. “I used to think it was my fault. I called him. If I hadn’t, it wouldn’t have happened. And then I was just fucking pissed. He left us. He left me. I needed him, and he walked away from us like we were fucking nothing, Rod. He left us to hurt her. They both did too many things to count to hurt each other, but she stayed. Even when times were hard and we struggled, she stayed.”
Landon’s pain displayed clearly on his face. His thick lashes lowered when he closed his eyes and for the first time, Rod noticed how long they were, noticed the perfect curl to them.
“Mom struggled… Shan struggled. It was hard on them. I became the man of the house. He knew.” Landon leaned forward, his forehead resting on the palms of his hands. “He fucking knew he wasn’t coming back. I know it. I saw it in his eyes, heard it in his voice, and I wanted to go… Even knowing that, I wanted to go. They were there when he wasn’t, and I wanted to leave them.”
Fuck. The pain in
Similar Books
